WONDERLAND

i hate that i’m such a hard person to know. i hate that i can’t love myself long enough to realize that even if i don’t want me, someone else might want me. i hate that i’m afraid of letting people in. i hate that i am unable to trust anyone. i hate that acting like i don’t care makes me comfortable but showing how much i care makes me feel out of place and exposed. i hate that being used for my body makes me feel loved but being wanted for who i am doesn’t suffice. i hate that i like being alone but i don’t like to feel lonely. i hate that sometimes i don’t know what to say. i hate that my humor consists of self deprecating jokes that are almost always never jokes. i hate that no one actually knows what’s going on inside my head, but more importantly i hate that i will never actually let anyone know what’s going on inside my head.

“you don’t need to be stressed!” okay but consider this: I am

Do you ever notice yourself getting bad again…like, you know you’re not doing work that needs to be done, you know you’re not cleaning, you know you’re not taking care of yourself…you know all the things you need to do to start trying to feel better. But you just can’t. And you’re left feeling like shit bc you thought you were getting better but here we are

im gay because when i was 4 i sneezed and no one said bless you and the devil entered my soul

have you ever been in the mood where something small bothered you and then you suddenly just didn’t want to talk to anybody at all

the ol’ razzle dazzle

ask your doctor if shutting the fuck up is right for you