you are a pipedream

Just humor him, Bakugou.

Seaboard Chapter One

In a not-too-distant but divergent future, professional boyfriend Dev finds himself dumped and unemployed in one fell swoop. He visits the seaside slums on Australia’s east coast to cheer himself up by observing those less fortunate than himself.

His sense of superiority is predicated on his ability to return to the bland and comfortable Interior, but getting away from the Seaboard is harder than it seems. Soon he finds himself in hopeless debt, first to a freelance policeman and then to the landlady and self-styled queen of EnSpire, a vast and decaying apartment tower on the edge of the beach.

Time is running short; the monsoon approaches and with it Dev’s last chance to leave before the storms.

After a few days in Averhill for some shopping, including a mouthy hand crossbow of warning for Ris and a cloak of protection for Flick, the party set out for the Witburn mountains. The weather was good, spring having sprinkled the hedgerows and fields with wildflowers. This was old human country, a patchwork of tiny bickering kingdoms, well-cultivated and mostly civilised.

The Witburn Mountains were once home to many dwarven clans, and where humans and dwarves did a great deal of trade. As the party approached these snow-capped peaks, they still saw signs of their former inhabitants, weathered statuary and signposts, bridges and other infrastructure now maintained by human hands. The mines had long been tapped out, and most of the dwarves moved away or declined.

There were two towns aboveground still, Swinebirch and Mowney. Swinebirch overlooked the plains to the east of the mountains, and served as a gateway and trading hub, although much diminished since the dwarves left. When the party arrived they found the town swarming with adventurers and in the process of fortifying itself.

The problem, they learned at the inn, was kobolds. Not unusual in the region they were little more than a nusiance until half a year ago when they started getting more aggressive, going so far as to target Swinbirch and Mowny themselves, stealing food and valuables. The town was littered with traps to deter the creatures, and Flick, like all gnomes, had been raised to fear them as their hatred was legendary.

Of Lildira, there was no news and the party decided to stay the night before pressing on with the search.

During the night they were roused by a commotion outside, and soon the alarm was raised. With the traders and their guards camped on the common green in the middle of town, the kobolds had seized their chance.

They’d collapsed the tents and freed and panicked the animals, and were now swarming the trader’s carts, ripping them apart for valuables.

Flick and Ris leaped from the window while Kaipo and Mel used magic, the latter two taking some cover behind the noticeboard outside the inn. While Ris and Flick started fighting back against the kobolds a small group of them on the inn dropped a wasp nest down on Mel and Kaipo. Mel screamed and Flick and Kaipo came to her rescue. By this point the town guard had arrived and the other adventurers had freed themselves, and the kobolds quickly retreated, having no desire to fight.

Things calmed down a little, and the party went to bed, but the mood downstairs the next morning was quite glum, as the merchants and their hired guards argued about the incident. Nevertheless, Mowney needed supplies and the caravan would depart as planned.

The party decided to travel with them, and the traders were delighted to have such experienced adventurers along at no extra cost.

Aside from the suspicion that they were being watched the day passed uneventfully and the caravan made camp at an old and well-used campsite by a flowing stream, diverted centuries ago by the dwarves to accommodate those travelling to the mountains to trade.

Kaipo cast Leomund’s Tiny hut, and the other adventurers set watches as well, although as Kaipo noticed some of them were more interested in playing cards than watching.

Halfway through Flick’s watch she noticed one of the horses fall to its knees and rest its head on the ground. The other watchers seemed to be having trouble too, two of them keeling forward off the log they were sitting on.

Flick woke Ris up, and it was then Ris’s hand crossbow spoke, right into the minds of the party, rousing them.

“Heads up, Ugly.”

Ris peered out into the dark, and she noticed a large number of kobolds creeping up on the camp, as well as half a dozen or so on a makeshift boat-adjacent vehicle upstream from camp. Ris raised the alarm, but the response was sluggish, and when Mel got to her feet she found she couldn’t find the focus to cast any spells, or draw her bow.

The kobolds swarmed over the camp, dousing the campfires and starting to form chains from the carts, passing the goods towards the river.

One of the kobolds on the raft cast firebolt at Ris while the kobolds swarmed her. Flick ignored the kobolds trying to distract her, and realising that their goal wasn’t to kill everyone she and the other adventurers who kept their strength focused on disrupting the chains of kobolds.

Kaipo sent her familiar flying out to the raft to help Ris fight the sorcerer, and realised this was not magic that was affecting her, but a poison. She got to her feet and dashed out to collect a vial of antivenom from Ris’s pack, before handing it to Mel.

Ris took off running towards the raft and leaped, landing on the platform despite the efforts of the kobolds to knock her away.

She drew her rapier and skewered the sorcerer, much to the horror of the other kobolds. As one they rushed her and pushed her off the raft into the river.

As the raft floated towards camp the kobolds decided to flee with what little they had grabbed, running for the river and the safety of their raft.

Until Flick leaped on it and violently disassembled it with her adamantine axe. Mel drank the antivenom and shook off the effects of the poison before using magic to cure Kaipo.

The wizard had had enough. She stepped out of the hut and carefully sculpting the spell around Flick she incinerated the kobolds floating in the river with a single fireball.

Todoroki: I never noticed a bump.

Bakugou: Don't patronize me! If there's something wrong with me that I don't know about, then you owe it to me as my boyfriend to tell me!

Todoroki: Alright. You're a narcissist, you're a sociopath, you're probably a psychopath —

[10 minutes later]

Todoroki: — you're paranoid, sexist, and you make fun of the elderly.

The next day was Lathander’s Day, Naming Day. A day to celebrate children, and the official birthday of orphans and foundlings, including Kaipo. During this day the orphanage was visited by many people, who would distribute gifts and sweets to the orphans, and make donations to the orphanage itself. The party decided all the to-ing and fro-ing would be excellent cover, and after supplying themselves with candied apples they set out for Kaipo’s home.

Ris disguised herself, making herself look much younger, and the party entered. The orphanage was much smaller than Kaipo remembered it, but smelled much the same. Ris slipped away as soon as she could and made her way to a classroom, where the did card tricks for the orphans and in exchange won a favour from a scabby-kneed boy named Nobby.

Mel and Kaipo also attempted to get information out of the orphans. When asked about The Yummy Place, the children said one reached it through a forest, guided by the Good Shepherds.

Kaipo spoke to an older girl named Winrel, and learned that the children believed The Yummy Place was somewhere outside town, in a forest. One had to be invited to go there, doing favours for the Aunties, or Her, whoever she was.

Winrel also remembered Irfluna, although she wasn’t at the orphanage long; she was brought there by her Gran, but was already trained and thus got a placement very quickly. The orphans hadn’t heard anything from her since, but Winrel speculated she might have gone to The Yummy Place if she’d disappeared.

After donating some gold to the orphanage the party returned to the Dry Spire, to see if they could visit Thrusk Motts. After giving some fake names, they were escorted back inside the wizards’ prison, and taken to the cell they realised they’d heard the voice coming from the day before.

Thrusk was an unpleasant, ruddy-faced fellow, but quite happy to talk about how innocent he was. He said he’d been invited to a party at the Bull and Barrow, and intended to do some magic tricks to delight the crowd, instead, however, elementals appeared and ran amok, burning the place to the ground.

Thrusk was quite certain that it was all Salazar’s fault, and blamed him for the whole incident. Ris and Kaipo noticed that he’d moved the bed so it was under the window, and that he’d scored hash marks and other things in the wall around it. Ris also noticed he was holding something.

When asked about it, he showed them; a single nail. Clearly not magical, as the Dry Spire suppressed magic, he claimed he’d found it in the cell. He told them he’d received no visitors in the past day, and the party decided to leave him to it for now.

When they left, Mel revealed her certainty that Thrusk had been lying about almost every aspect of his story, and that he seemed completely unconcerned about the fate of the people who had perished in the fire.

Literally no one:

Not a single soul:

"I like your mother. You have your mother's breasts."

"Her breasts."

kofi sketch commission for a dear friend!!

for the last 2+ weeks, the Amazon has been catching fire. Yes, it’s the season where that’s normal but because of the sayings (aka incentive) of our new president, some farmers are taking advantage of that and intentionally setting the trees on fire. Yesterday, because of this, the sky of São Paulo looked like this. AT THREE IN THE AFTERNOON.

Hospitals of the northern states are filling up with people (especially children and seniors) claiming they can’t breathe properly. ALREADY ENDANGERED ANIMALS ARE DYING. THIS IS SERIOUS.

Germany and Norway, huge donators to the Amazon cause will stop sending money because they don’t see results (that can also be credited to our president, who has been tweeting angrily ever since - not because he cares about the environment, btw). That money gives this guy and his team equipment to save little guys like these:

THIS AFFECTS EVERYONE, NOT JUST BRAZILIANS. The Amazon is the largest rainforest in the world, and it’s being destroyed. WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.

If your country is holding elections, vote for someone who cares about this. Don’t let another Bolsonaro or another Trump have the power to do something and then do nothing. This is going to shape our future — if we have one.

PLEASE REBLOG, EVERYONE NEEDS TO SEE THIS!!

Hello /shyshy– Since I’m back with the wifi– Here are my parts of the previewS in @bnha-popzine Sorry for the late one, I had no wifi for a whole month TT Which was bad– Anyways, the last one are my part– 1 sneak peak– keke my part collab with @itsclowreedsfault <33333 

After settling into the inn, the party decided to let Kaipo give them a tour of her hometown, starting with the place Salazar was likely incarcerated: the Dry Spire, a tower within the House Of Law which was encompassed by an antimagic field, where all magical criminals were held and tried.

The House of Law was open, but there were few members of the public around in the evening. There was little to learn here, other than the fact a jailbreak would be extremely difficult.

The next stop was Salazar’s house, located in an expensive part of town, surrounded by the homes of other well-to-do wizards and sorcerers. Salazar’s house looked slightly neglected, the garden untended for a few weeks, and the enchantment on the fish pond gone.

A guard patrol noticed the group loitering and advised them to move on. Ris hid and heard a bit of their conversation; it seemed common knowledge that Salazar stood accused, and the guards seemed convinced of his guilt.

The party circled back and entered the house; Kaipo still had her key. The interior was a bit dusty; no one had been here for a while. It was quickly clear that Salazar’s house had been thoroughly searched, and all of his personal papers, his staff, his spellbook, and a few volumes out of his library had been taken.

Unable to find any secret’s hidden in the walls or floor, Kaipo led the group down to the servants’ area, and learned that someone else had taken her place in the year she’d been gone. There was little sign of them now, but she noticed a lot of marks carved onto the wall near her bunk.

Among the doodling were the words ‘Irfluna’ and 'THE YUMmy pla..ce’ the letters getting wobbly and uncertain as the carver gradually lost interest in the project.

Unsettled, the party left and decided it was time for dinner. Kaipo suggested a tavern frequented by many wizardly students, The Bull and Barrow. However, when they arrived, the inn was a blackened husk. Mel spoke to a cobbler wheeling his cart home, and learned that a young wizard named Thrusk Motts had summoned a great many 'flaming creatures’ there one night and burned the inn to the ground, a long with a great many of its patrons. Motts’s teacher was Salazar.

Part of the inn’s stables was still standing, an a lantern light flickered inside. When the party approached they were halted by a large human, who told them they were on private property. Bader Colle had been a bouncer at the inn, and was now employed to keep away those who might try and scavenge from the remains, mostly children.

He had been there on the night of the fire, and was able to describe the fiery creatures, but was clearly upset by the whole incident.

The party found another inn, Drullit’s Hall, a beer garden that served artisans and other working folk, and Ris noticed an old lady watching them and smoking a pipe. She seemed happy enough to talk to Ris, and claimed to have seen the fire, although not when it started. She seemed quite pessimistic about the nature of people in general, and wizards in particular; people with 'the knack’ were not welcome at Drullit’s Hall, but Kaipo’s simple clothes kept her from suspicion.