I put the "raw" in "rawr"

A bad week isn't a bad life.

It's okay to feel upset but not okay to have it overlap with my performance at work.

Don't quit, do everything while emotional and upset but don't give up and quit!

I need to focus on what I am capable of, of what I can do to improve from all of this.

What I can learn and gain from the ashes of this burnout.

Lately I've been feeling ill and I'm not sure if it's antidepressants withdrawal (cuz my stupid prescription won't go through) or if it's just all the things going on in my life internally manifesting as body aches and mental breakdowns.

I just had a good cry because it all is too much right now.

I try very hard to not feel my emotions and I think it's literally making me ill.

I give up, I'm going to put my trust in God and let him gain me in all this.

I'm shy, I'm frustrated, I'm sad, angry and bitter and I don't see any goodness in myself.

There is no goodness in me outside of Christ.

For our wedding I just opted for the "I do" answer vows because at that point in my life I just wanted the wedding to be short and sweet.

I think vows are forever and ever changing as we grow together and level up through life.

I keep getting inspired to try and renow our vows every year with sweet, sentimental and thoughtful creative things.

I feel like there isn't enough words in the English language to ever explain how profoundly I love him and fall even more in love with him every year.

This darn mush episode was triggered by the song "finding something to do" and "when we first met" by Hellogoodbye.

I need a fucking notebook dedicated to my husband.

I'm sick of showing darn snip bits on my phone to him.

I want something solid and completely hand made and raw to give him every year.

I've had a huge craving for creating, whether it's poems, collages or covering songs.

I want to learn the ukulele or learn to play my cat piano and do covers of my favorite songs.

I love singing, I'm not very good, but I'm not completely bad.

My husband says I'm good but he's bias.

Regardless I just want to sing things despite my talent because I enjoy it.

"Only love could fuck me up this much"

I made a Playlist on Spotify dedicated to songs that remind me of or that help me mourn my Dad's passing 08/15/21

I'm still in shock and angry he couldn't walk me down the isle or laugh at my silly fortune cookie proposal.

Part of me doesn't want to even have kids because they'll never get to meet him.

I just really miss my Dad and I wasn't ready for him to be out of my life yet.

Sometimes I find a motto or word that just resonates with me and becomes a ray of hope in my self doubt.

I binge, a lot. Food gives me anxiety and yet I eat it as an cure for all. My emotions make me uncomfortable and so does stress. I use it to get "comfortable" & "numb" but it leaves me still broken and wanting more. It's a bandaid on broken bones: stops the bleeding but doesn't fix the fracture or heal the damage.

I know this, ultimately I do, but "knowing" doesn't equat doing and "doing" is what matters.

I get anxious but why? I'm always scared I'm eating too much or too little- that my next meal isn't promised and my last was made from broken promises to myself.

I've had "enough" and "enough" renders my anxieties void.

It's becoming a cast for my broken bones and now it's just "enough" to trust the healing process.

I feel like I can't relax because I find myself worrying about it instead of living it.

I focus too much energy thinking myself into wholes instead of doing what I intend to do.

I don't know if it's laziness or self sabotage or something else whole entirely.

I focus on making others comfortable, on what makes others relax and happy so much so that I don't know what does that for me or if I'm just going through the motions to try and not worry others or to be normal

I'm sick of thinking and not living