brooklyn queen;

Nodding knowingly, as if she suddenly remembered who the girl in front of her was — as if she didn’t know all along, Rachel felt warmth inside her chest as Audrey asked for her personal opinion. Honored — she read all the articles about her and was up to date when it came to how on point and perfect she was behaving — to be asked anything at all, let alone thoughts on the menu, by her and trying to hide it, she decided to impress, and in case her taste in hot beverages wasn’t flawless according to her interlocutor’s standards, at least strike her interest with an out of the ordinary recommendation. “All coffee’s decent here, and it’s the opinion of an expert since Isobel asks me to pick hers from here exclusively, though I would suggest you ask for extra sugar regardless of if you like it black or not. It is uncommonly bitter. However, I would personally go for Mochachino with whipped cream. Or blackberry tea — it’s amazing here!”

“So… You like to play it safe then. I suppose you don’t like arguments or fights? How do you feel about danger? — I think I’ll just have coffee. What’s my story? I don’t have one. I’m always hungover— I’m pretty sure everyone knows.”

“You could say that. At least when it comes to my superiors. Well, I used to breathe danger, but I’m no longer in high-school so I naturally try to avoid it. Why? Am I missing out? That’s it? No reason? Just a personal preference for the taste of alcohol? Come on, we are coffee buddies now, you can share!”

“Right, sorry. You just look like a Taylor to me, has anyone ever told you that? I mena, it’s a lovely name.” Offering her an innocent smile, Alex started inspecting the polish on her nails. “How nice. Where are they from, another country?”

“Well, thank you? It is a pretty name, definitely.” she retorted cautiously, taken aback by Alexandra’s behavior. What was she expecting in the first place? She was talking to, to quote the media, the meanest mean girl since Regina George, after all. “It depends on how you label Brooklyn.” Rachel said under her breath. 

“Trying in general is overrated. It’s always better not to – as hard as it is not to care about my opinion.”

“Care about your opinion? Certainly, but you can generalize that for nearly anyone. I do like to leave the best impressions I can on people.”

Did you stop checking for monsters in your closet when you started letting them sleep in your bed?

Because I still haven’t learned how to tell the whole truth yet. Because I still can’t speak when certain people are watching. Because I have a lot of questions but give a lot of answers. Because I can’t breathe. Because I am always in love and never brave with it. Because my mouth isn’t a kingdom. Has never been a kingdom. Could never be a kingdom. Do you even know? The difference between being soft and being suffocated? Because I don’t. Because I wrap my hand around the fist. Because I put the blanket over the fire. Because I kiss the wound and wear it like lipstick. Don’t leave me behind. Don’t forget about me. Don’t hold it against me. Because I’m still young. Because I have time. Because I’m still young. Because I have time. Because saying that doesn’t feel as free as it used to.

i am fire - i burn and burn. i could beg you for forgiveness, but you are the sea and there is no absolution to be found in the relentless pull of your depths.

“—ah, Isobel, yes,” Audrey answered simply, nodding as if that were the only way she recognized her. She gave the poor girl a pass out of pity, because she was more than aware of the rumors surrounding her name. Undoubtedly, the Billings name was all over the scandal, but she hadn’t asked Elias just yet, “Rachel,” she repeated, testing her name, making it special with the tone of her voice, “pleasure to meet you” she extended a gentle hand, “Audrey.”

my dear, you set yourself on fire so often, and yet never feel any warmer as a result of it.

“I completely agree. Have you ever knocked over an exhausted businessman’s coffee cup before? It’s hilarious. The poor guy nearly exploded, but I really can’t blame him— Manhattan runs on coffee. — Pickles and popcorn… together? That… sounds horrible.”

“Oh, no, I can’t afford to commit such atrocities to businessmen. They’re capable of jumping at your throat if something happens to their fuel. Hilarious in a way, scary in another. Well, I didn’t mean to suggest you should blend coffee, pickles and popcorn together, but that can be effective... maybe. I was giving you choices. So, what’s your story, if I might ask? Hungover for fun, hungover in grief or just hungover out of habit? I sort of empathize with all three at this point.”

“That’s what I was going to say—are you a mind reader, Rachel?” Evanna grinned, placing her things down on the seat. “I haven’t seen you in a while, how are you holding up?” 

“Not quite. Perhaps somebody with similar opinions, at best.” she smiled sheepishly, cautiously searching for any changes in her, she wanted to say, friend’s behavior. After all, she knew she was walking on thin ice with the Grants at the moment. “I’ve been fine, I guess. I had to pay a visit to my parents —  catch up a little, nothing of importance. What about you?”

“I like my expectations wild and then torn into  bits.”

“So, paradoxically, saying that I’ll try not to disappoint is below the expectations?”

Depends on the company I guess.

Well, only from a certain angle. Bad companies can pass as life lessons or just a good story for later on. Howsoever, I hope it’s not the case.

Tumbling on a chair with anger completely erased by disappoint, she read her part of the article twice before passing the phone to Grayson. “The worst part is, I don’t remember any of it. I mean, I remember last night, but only to a certain point — and God, I swear I used to deal so well with champagne, ironically. Then, there is a literal black hole in my mind, because the next thing I remember is waking up next to Elias Billings. I just don’t understand how, but I guess now that it has happened and that it is viral, I should at least own it. Anyway, it’s fucked up and my head hurts.”