♥torn

I’m back.. it’s been a couple years since I’ve last came here to let out what’s eating me inside. Life has been beautiful but yet so ugly. I have thought about this for some months now and I think I have finally accepted that I have postpartum depression. With this new baby my attitude has changed a whole 360. During my pregnancy I had some complications in the beginning and in the end of it. The beginning of my pregnancy I was down bad, super depressed my bed and my room were all that I saw for days and hours. If it wasn’t for my daughter I probably wouldn’t of left my bed at all. The storm came and it left. I had a beautiful baby boy who is now my whole night and day. I quit my job to be a SAHM and although it sounds great it is tough. My fiancé is busy 24/7 with work, his own business, finishing up his master, and helping me out when my body no longer can keep up. But, this role has darkened. I need more. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m unhappy because im not but I just feel sad. I cry and can’t stop. I feel unmotivated, stuck in a repetitive bubble. In about 5 months life will determine where we end up in this world and I’m 100% sure I will not go. Will I looked down on, will everything crumple, is this a good decision, will everything I worked for just end all these things are crossing my mind. One thing I do know if I’m depressed now with everything and everyone close range from me I will be even worst when everyone and everything is away from me. It’s my turn it’s my turn to choose me. I will put me first..