Summer days Maine 2017 is winding down to winter mode once more as always. Repeats of seasonal life. Soon be 2018. Another year of laughter, lost of live ones, sadness, grief, life being born to the earth 🌏 we go through the holidays as well. Smile or not, we just either go with your fakes as we lie to each other on the holidays that suppose to be a good time but for some of us, it's misery. I am looking forward for spring & summer days to come again,🌷🌞🌼 for now we deal with the snow 🍂🌨❄️❄️💨☔️ and rain. Well, I have to say, therapy with Dr Amy Wood came to a wrap. I know I was stubborn as hell. I can understand for any psychotherapists not wanting to jeopardized their life career. I was at a time of lost, hurt, guilty. Somehow I kept going, therapist to the next therapist. Maybe it's me? I'm not sure 🤔 but somehow, therapist cannot deal with my mental thoughts of death 💀. I try to express my feelings. I freeze up when I'm in sessions. The thing is my issues not just about making goals in life, defunding to change my old habits I carry with me. I dealt with lots of my life, my adoptive mom, my relationship with my adoptive brother from Ethiopia. He is visually impaired. My former mentor who thinks she has the answers to everything. It's ok to do whatever the hell you want. That means ending your life. Amy thinks I am chronically suicidal. Since I talk about death on every sessions I had with her. The fact I I go through the thought of killing myself. I open my journal to her, that threw Amy into panic mod. Figures, she just said to me, "Its the decision of my malpractice insurance provider." I can understand. Any psychologists don't want to lose their license as a therapist. I felt Amy wasn't a match, I know, why I didn't stop ✋ in the first place? I was just tired of going to find another shrink. So I continue on with her. We had mid break when I did That DBT in Falmouth Maine. Then I went back to Amy. Somehow in our session I can't think 💭 straight. I may head goes into death 💀 mode. I cant even control how I feel in the moment. I start talking death 💀 again. Wanting to die. Soon I know it, I'm either crying, or hospitalized for an evaluation. Again I'm out. So what went wrong with this therapist? Well I don't know. Maybe I can fully talk with this new therapist at Maine Behavioral Heath in downtown Portland Maine. Amy, is good with, dealing with goals, how to eliminate your crowed life style, handle broken relationship, dealing with job issues, pursuing your life job career, balance a healthy relationship with a partner, trying to be open in the basic of life that is not to complicated. One thing Amy is not good at is dealing with real issues. Mentally, she not good at sitting there, hearing a person talking about death 💀. The process of dying. She not able to sit trier hear real life dramatic trauma. She thinks she does but in my opinion she doesn't know. How does someone with a PhD cannot handle people with real life issues. Amy is the past, now I go forth. Maybe I can figure why Amy didn't work out? Mean time, I'm here, well. I cycle my days on my bike. I move to my own place. There is one neighbor who asked a lot of questions. I got caught of guard when she asked finance questions. I told my adoptive Dad about this as well my adoptive sisters on close to. I learn, I say, not your concern. I be polite, say short hi & go. Bye 👋 Anyways here is my drawings & of my summer day life in Maine. Last, My adoptive Ethiopian brother returned to Portland Maine, someone saw him come back, texted me he came back, the thing is, I don't understand why my adoptive mom has to be sneaky about him returning. Nothing to hide at all. Seriously 😒. Grow up!! He has a lot to deal emotionally & mentally as well. He needs trauma therapy for sure. Somehow to deal with his pain. He can't just hide in an apartment, drink all his pain way. I know I drink once in a while but not like that. Me, I be me, no matter where I go. I take photographs, draw & cycle on. I'm so grateful to be where I am. Thing is I forget at time. I sometimes have to remind myself the things I'm grateful for. To remind myself where I came from in the past. I'm in America living my life. No living in fear.
