This Is Me Trying Bobby and Alex
This one opts to destroy those stupid webisodes they thought were a good idea … enjoy! Everything in this story that sounds like Taylor Swift lyrics are Taylor swift lyrics and do not belong to me. Everything else came out of my messed-up shipper head!
I’ve been having a hard time adjusting. I had the shiniest wheels, now they’re rusting.
“Bobby..“ Alex was quite shaken seeing her former partner standing outside her apartment. It was 11 pm and she had actually just changed into her pyjamas to go to bed, when the doorbell rang. Since Bobby had decided to go to Maine to write a book and she herself transferred to the Counter Terrorist Squad she hadn’t seen him. She’d been mad he’d left just like that. She’d actually thought he was getting better with going to therapy and getting along really good with Dr. Gyson. Alex and Bobby had a good time working together again after the short hiatus they’d had, but it apparently wasn’t enough for him. He had handed in his notice rather suddenly and taken off, throwing Alex into cold water once again. It had been almost six month and she hadn’t heard from him once except from that Christmas card he’d sent her. She’d tried forgetting him throwing herself into a relationship with Adam, a firefighter she met one night in a bar. She’d probably known it from the start but only lately she had admitted to herself that he wasn’t the right person, and they wouldn’t have a future together.
I didn’t know if you care if I came back. I have a lot of regrets about that.
“You’re back.“ She heard herself saying as in trance. She’d lost herself in Bobby’s all too familiar, brown eyes as soon as she’d opened her door. So often she’d tried not to think about him, to enjoy the time with her new lover, to just get Robert Goren out of her system, but she couldn’t. Every time Adam kissed her neck or squeezed her hand she’d just wished he was someone else. She did not want to believe it but it became crystal clear the moment Bobby appeared before her eyes.
Pulled the car off the road to the lookout. Could have followed my fears all the way down. And maybe I don’t quite know what to say, But I’m here in your doorway.
“I am…“ Bobby replied, nervously fidgeting a stack of papers in his hands. “I finished the book, I wanted you to be the first to read it.“ He reached the manuscript to her. “Are you insane?“ Alex breathed angrily. She bit her lip as not to either punch him in the face or start crying. Bobby looked at her frowning. He took a step back, away from her. He knew he’d screwed up.
I just wanted you to know, that this is me trying. I just wanted you to know, that this is me trying.
“Look, I know you’re upset but can I just come in for a second? Hear me out and then you can throw me out?“ Bobby begged her, piercing her eyes with his. Alex stepped away from the door although she promised herself not to. He followed her rather halfhearted invitation, and was left standing lost in the midst of Alex’ apartment. She shut the door then walked towards the other end of the room not saying a word.
They told me all of my cages were mental. So I got wasted like all my potential. And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad. I have a lot of regrets about that.
“I’m sorry I never called.“ He kew it was a weak thing to say but he didn’t know how else to start. He’d been going through situations like this with Dr. Gyson a million times and he knew he should just tell Alex how he felt about her but the words wouldn’t form. It was like desperately trying to draw something from memory but all that comes out is a messy doodle. “It’s fine I figured you must have lost my phone number and my address but then there was that Christmas card, how thoughtful.“ Alexes words were the ones shooting to kill now, but Bobby knew he deserved it. All she wanted to see those past six months had been the eyes she was staring into right now. Now, she just wished they wouldn’t be so wonderfully, corruptingly intimate.
I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a square. Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here. Pouring out my heart to a stranger, But I didn’t pour the whiskey.
“I … I had to do it my way. I had to do it like this or not at all. This book is the only reason I am able to stand here right now and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do.“ Bobby clenched the paper stack fast in his hands. “We’ve been there Bobby, we’ve been there before and honestly, I don’t wanna go there again so why are you here? You want me to read your book? Leave it at my coffee table and I’ll get back to you in the next … say, six months.“ Alex turned herself away from her former partner feeling the tears creeping up on her. She wiped them away as quickly as they poured out of her eyes. She had given him a million chances and she had always told herself one day it would work, but she’d always been left bloody, broken and bruised lying on the floor like one of their many murder victims. She was not gonna let that happen again, giving in and pretending like everything was fine.
I just wanted you to know, that this is me trying. I just wanted you to know, that this is me trying. At least I’m trying.
Bobby could feel her tears burning in his mind and he sat the manuscript down on the little desk next to the door and walked out. Alex flinched as she heard the door shut. She turned around hoping despite everything she’d just said Bobby was still standing there, his brown eyes screaming at her from afar like they’d always done. They weren’t. He wasn’t. There was nothing but silence. She walked towards the door clutching the knob. She pulled all her strength together not to open it again. Instead she leaned herself towards it breaking down sobbing. She wiped her wet face, her chest was jumping up and down as her heart raced like a rocket. She picked up the manuscript Bobby’d left fo her. She let herself fall down to the floor right there and then and bended back the first page.
And it’s hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound. It’s hard to be anywhere when all I want is you. You’re a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town. And I just wanted you to know that this is me trying. (And maybe I don’t quite know what to say)
I just wanted you to know, that this is me trying. At least I’m trying.
The time had stood still as soon as she’d lain her eyes on the first paragraph of Bobby’s book. The first words she consumed were ‘For my partner’, and it was as if someone had pushed a knife through her stomach. She devoured paragraph after paragraph like she was born to do so. She had never thought Bobby was even capable of producing words like this. To the world it might have been a manifesto, the story of a scared little boy who’d grown up to be an even more scared man, but to her it was a confession. Every line and between was what she never knew Bobby could feel. Suddenly, she felt embarrassed for having sent him away. It felt like she knew everything now, everything she’d always wanted to know, everything she’d ever wanted him to say. Hour’s had passed in minutes and her eyes were burning like fire. All the water coming out of them couldn’t extinguish it. She dropped the manuscript upon the last words she’d read and realised she hadn’t moved an inch. She was still occupying the same spot she had placed herself in after Bobby’d left. Without even thinking she grabbed her car keys. She manoeuvred her car as if pulled by invisible strings. She didn’t even know Bobby still had his old apartment but she knew she had to try. She walked up to his door and rang twice - three times as if the building was on fire. Her heart was pounding in her throat and although she couldn’t be sure someone would open she felt he would. The seconds she waited felt like hours in the dim-lit hallway of Bobby’s apartment building. The adrenalin rushed through her veins like lightning as Bobby finally pulled the door open. His eyes hung heavily in his face and the angles of his mouth were bend downwards. Alex could now see how sad, exhausted and tired he looked. His eyes, however, lit up as soon as he realised it was Alex standing in front of him. She wouldn’t wait a single second longer. As if he was the opposite pole of a magnet she shot towards him, pressing her lips on his. He embraced her, a bolt of lightning shooting through every last corner of his body. He was convinced he would never let go of her ever again. Their faces parted for just a moment, but their eyes locked even harder. Bobby wiped a strain of hair out of Alex’ face and pulled her head closer to his again. She felt Bobby’s beard on her skin and tasted his breath. She decided then and there she never wanted to not feel his warm hands pressed against her back, his body close to hers, his breath on her face. Bobby pulled her inside his apartment not letting go of her lips on his. He slammed the door shut. She knew it now, she knew he was trying, that he’d been trying all those years. She knew now, that he, in his clumsy and pathetic, self-loathing way had always loved her. Giving her the book to read was the greatest love confession anyone could have ever made. She saw it now and she couldn’t really understand how she didn’t before. Tonight she had decided to make the first step and she had not been wrong. She found herself in Bobby’s bed entangled with him, her body pressed against his and it was the most enchanting and miraculous she had ever felt. His hand was gliding through her hair, hers was clutching his shoulder blade like holding on to an angel’s wings taking her to heaven. They were united in blissful euphoria, closer than they had ever been, so wonderfully together and beautifully in love. Nothing mattered at that moment to either of them, but the other. No job, no fire-fighters no past wounds. All the scars she had from being left broken by him were mended with every time she felt his sweaty body clutching tightly against hers. All the trauma, all the doubts he had ever had felt so silly now that he felt like nothing could ever pull them apart. He wanted to feel every inch of Alex’ body forever one with his own. He felt like a child on a ferris wheel ride, so beautiful, so perfect yet so innocent. Feeling the endorphins racing through his body like fireworks, until the wheel finally stops and you are on top of the world only the stars above you. His very own ferris wheel ride ended with Alex finally laying her head down on Bobby’s chest. None of them lost a word, Bobby kissed her hair holding her closely. After a while he could feel her head getting heavier and her breathing more even and peaceful. She had fallen asleep but there was no way he could. He stared up on the ceiling feeling blissfully complete having Alex’ body so close to his. A thousand thoughts ran through his head but they were all overruled by the remarkable memory of their first night together.
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