shane

21: enough drugs to kill a man

william didn’t sleep, he couldn’t. not after everything that had gone wrong. every time he closed his eyes he saw lizzie’s mangled corpse wrapped around the metal endoskeleton. the phone rang on the wall, yet he didn’t get up from the couch to answer it. nancy trudges downstairs, with a suitcase and duffle bag in hand. saying something about staying with her friend for a while, yet william didn't hear her. every sound was muffled as if he were underwater. his chest tight, painful to breathe. he stayed like that, sat alone on the couch, drowning.

suffocating in the silence until michael stepped into the living room, a bag in hand. also saying something about staying with a friend, but this time will could hear him. he looked up slowly at his eldest son, and stood. carrying himself to michael, staring down at him. michael began to tremble, afraid of his fathers actions. he shook slightly until will wrapped him in a tight hug, lifting him just barely off the ground.

“you ruined my life, you know that right? if you were never born, this never would have happened.” will spits, his voice shaking with rage. he releases michael from his grasp, shoving him toward the door. “go ahead, fucking abandon me like everyone else. fuck you!”

the door slams, and once again william is sinking into the silence. sitting back on the couch, his head in his hands, he sobs. his entire body shook as he cried, sniffling as he shakily poured out a full vial of cocaine onto the table. staring off at the wall as he cut and lined the powder. measuring out just enough to make his heart stop. will bent down, snorting each line in quick succession of one another. pinching the bridge of his nose, he lays back against the couch. taking a deep breath as he feels his heart rate quicken. he closed his eyes, waiting for death to come.

he waited for hours. long enough that when he opened them, the sun had set and his heartbeat settled to a dull thumping inside his chest.

“what the fuck?” he groans, standing upright as if he’d not taken any drugs in the first place.

rushing upstairs to the medicine cabinet, and digging out pain medication. getting a cup of water and taking the rest of the bottle of pills. once again repeating the process of laying down, closing his eyes and waiting for his heart to stop.

only this time, he awoke the following morning, feeling nauseous and tired. slowly he carried himself to the bathroom again, shaking a prescription bottle of some high strength pain pill, filling the tub with water as hot as he could make it. undressing and wincing at the sting of the water on his flesh. then he swallows the pills, waiting again, until the bath ran cold and his skin wrinkled.

“un-fucking-believable.” he shouts, draining the tub.

the phone rang downstairs, will trudged his way to it. picking it off the receiver and putting it to his ear.

“hello?”

“hi, will… how are you doing?” henry says, her voice soft and caring.

will stifles a laugh, sighing as he debates on lying to her. “i’m not good, hen. not good at all.”

“do you want some company?”

“no. i’d rather be left alone..”

“will- i don’t trust you by yourself right now. please, let me help.”

“y’know what henry? you can’t fucking help! you can’t! unless you miraculously can bring my kids back from the dead, you can’t.”

“i just don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“it’s too fucking late for that sentiment.” he hangs up, sitting on the couch again.

will picks up the razor blade, twirling it between his fingertips. he slips the blade into his pocket, humming as he goes back to the bathroom. placing the blade on the counter, then going to his bedroom, grabbing a joint and a couple tabs of acid. he locks the door, puts the small tabs on his tongue and sits back against the tub. waiting.

slowly he removed his clothes, seeing the semi- healed state of his forearms, making him feel disgusted. that familiar want, the need for the pain. he reached up, sliding the blade into his fingers, holding it to his wrist.

will hesitates, looking down at the unscathed space of his thighs. pressing the blade into his flesh, dragging it down in a long line, ending right before his knee. he winced as the flesh split, blood rushing to the surface, spilling out down his leg. his breath hitched as he pressed the blade into his other thigh, slicing the skin with a shaking hand. then, he started opening wounds on his forearms. his hands barely able to hold the blade as he pressed it deeper, cutting into the muscle and nerves.

the blade slips from his fingers, landing on the floor with a soft tink. will takes his right hand to his left wrist, softly rubbing his thumb over the slit in his flesh. shivering at the touch and loss of blood. he closes his eyes, slipping his thumb between the skin. moaning softly.

he opens his eyes, and his hands are soaked with blood, yet the wounds on his legs have already begun to scab. slowly he stands, looking in the mirror. his pupils blown out, and his reflection blurring. once more, he feels as if he can’t breathe, and finally he hopes that this is it.

his heart pounds in his ears, and his knees feel weak. he supports himself on the edge of the sink for a moment before his hand slips, and his knees give out. landing face down in a puddle of his own blood. will lets out a small laugh, smiling as he thinks to himself,

back to bleeding out on the bathroom floor, just like you said you wouldn’t be.

before drifting off to sleep again. he slept for a full day, rising slowly from the floor. one hand cradling his head. he looked in the mirror, snarling at the dried blood caked to his face and chest. then he looked down, running his fingers over the raised scars that sat on his thighs, and the deep set one on his left wrist.

will sighed heavily. stepping into the tub and running the water, cleansing himself of the dried blood. after he’s all clean, he steps out and makes his way downstairs, grabbing a mop and taking it back to the bathroom. cleaning the mess on the floor then the counter. beating himself mentally about making such a mess and how angry nancy will be if she finds out..

as he poured the mop water into the sink, he remembered esmeralda’s letter. he remembered her gift. rushing upstairs to his closet, rummaging around to grab the box under the floorboard. he dumps the entire contents out onto the floor as he searched for the first letter. rereading it again and again and soon as he found it. the words burning into his brain.

immortality is a gift that shall not be wasted, my love. i shared my gift with you. please, don’t deny yourself these pleasures.

will drops the letter, processing the words as best he can. this wasn’t a gift to him, it was a curse. one he wanted to break, yet he couldn’t. trying to understand how this can even be possible? what is he supposed to do with this curse? was daniel right about him, was he truly a vile creature of the night, a bloodthirsty monster? would you believe him even though it sounded insane?

he picks himself up, dressed himself, then went back to the living room. sitting on the couch, smoking a joint. forcing the guilt and grief away, forcing himself back into normalcy.

20: soon you will be as broken as i am

nancy woke before everyone, picking her robe from the floor. shivering as she put it on. the bed space beside her once again left empty and cold. just the same as her husband. silently she makes her way down the hall, softly knocking on michael’s door. the hinges creak as the door opens, michael stirs softly. nancy crouches beside his bed, softly stroking his hair.

“mike, hey. time to get up. i’ll get some cereal out for you. don’t miss the bus today, your father can’t take you, and i have an important errand to run. can you wake up your sister? i have to make myself decent for the day.” she hums.

michael nods, keeping his eyes closed. mumbling what kind of cereal he wanted, before sitting up and turning on his lamp. rubbing his eyes and yawning as nancy leaves his room, shutting the door behind herself. her fingertips feel every dent and chip in the wood of the railing as she makes her way downstairs. at the foot of the steps, she looks at will, sleeping peacefully on the couch. nancy walked closer, sighing as she picked up the empty beer bottles on the floor, blew away the line of cocaine left on the table. her eyes lingered on the razor blade that sat next to his wallet and the small vial of powder. the blade held between her fingers as she scratched the dried blood off with her fingernail. sighing as she slips the blade into a slot in his wallet, the vial in his pants pocket.

the stairs creak softly as michael creeps down the stairs, already dressed, watching as his mother plucked the burnt out joint end from will’s fingers, placing it into the ashtray and wipes the table beside his father. meticulous, and deliberate as if she were ridding the space of something she didn’t want to see. she turned around, staring at michael for a moment before making her way to the kitchen and places the bottles in the trash, grabbing the cereal from on top of the fridge, and starting a pot of coffee. no words were spoken between the two as nancy retreated back upstairs and into the shower.

michael ate quietly, his tired eyes flicking toward the coffee pot. getting heavier by the second. he shakes his head and harshly pushes his chair back, walking to the coffee pot and pouring himself a cup. taking a sip, wincing as it burned his tongue. he blew on it for a moment before taking another sip. looking to the doorway as his father stood, yawning and stretching.

“morning, son.” will grunts, half awake. pouring himself a cup of coffee, adding his sugar and cream, then takes a long drink. picking up his shirt from the back of the chair, putting it on and buttoning it slowly as his hands shook.

michael didn’t speak, how could he? what would he even say? his eyes welled with tears and his lip twitched. he saw the cuts that littered his fathers wrists, and the bitten bruises on his chest. there were so many questions, and michael couldn’t ask a single one. he swallows heavily, dumps the rest of the coffee in the sink, drops the mug loudly, and knocks his shoulder into his fathers as he went upstairs.

“what the fuck’s your problem?” will shouted after him, sitting at the table and lighting a cigarette. he finishes his coffee, putting the mug in the sink and dropping his cigarette in the drain. running water behind it.

michael opens the door to lizzie’s room, turning on the overhead light. she rubs her eyes and sits up, and michael can just tell that she is upset already. he crouches by her bed and places his hand on her arm.

“what’s wrong, liz?”

“i don’t feel good…”

“come here, let me feel your head.” michael sighs, placing the back of his hand against her forehead. shrugging and placing his hand back down. “you don’t have a fever, mom and dad won’t let you stay home..” he looks at her apologetically.

“mikey please, can you just tell dad that i’m sick? i-i just don’t want to go to school today.. i miss evan.” she sniffles, wiping her eyes with her blanket.

michael wraps her in a hug and kisses the top of her head. muttering an ‘okay’, then heading back downstairs. he stands in the doorway to the kitchen, and clears his throat. will looks up at him from the newspaper he was reading.

“liz says she’s sick. she wants to stay home.” michael speaks firmly.

“i have to go to the warehouse today, so she will have to come with me. just go get ready for the bus, i’ll deal with it.” will yawns. he stood slowly and made his way over to michael, staring at him. michael stared back.

will grabbed him by the shirt, pinning him to the wall, their noses inches apart. michael breathed quickly, shaking and afraid.

“you pull that shit again like you did earlier, i promise you it’ll be the last thing you do.” will spits, dropping him onto the ground, slapping him. “get the fuck out of my sight.” he scoffs as he made his way up to lizzie’s room. opening the door softly.

she looks at him sadly, sniffling. will crouches beside her bed, stroking her hair.

“lizzie, honey what’s the matter? you don’t feel good?” he hums.

“i just wanna stay with you today… i feel like i don’t see you anymore, dad.” she cries.

“honey, oh, sweetheart you can stay with me today. i told you i’m not leaving you, i promise.” he kisses her head, smiling. “we do have to get going soon, will you be ready to go in say 10 minutes?”

lizzie nods, getting out of bed. “can i go in my pajamas?”

will laughs and nods. “yes of course you can, sweetie.”

she smiles, grabbing her small backpack and putting a book, some schoolwork, and a few more items that she could entertain herself with. then puts on her shoes, and walks downstairs with will.

“we can stop on the way for breakfast yeah?”

they make their way out the door, into will’s car. lizzie kicking her feet as he drives, stopping for a moment to get breakfast for them from a small drive thru place. arriving at the warehouse shortly after. will carries the food and lizzie’s backpack as she skips to the roll top door.

“before we go inside i’m gonna set some rules, okay? you stay at my desk the whole time, if you need to use the bathroom or anything let me know and i will take you. do not touch anything at all. got it?” he smiles.

lizzie returns the smile and nods. walking inside as he pulls the door open. he steps inside, and closes the door behind them, making sure the lock was set, then he sets lizzie up at his desk with school work and sits across from her. they ate their breakfast, talking every so often. will listening to her every word. lizzie enlightened to be spending time with just her dad. he stood slowly, ruffled her hair and began to work on circus baby.

he worked for a while, welding, wiring, testing, repairing. doing everything he could to make her perfect. will walked to the desk, reaching into a drawer and getting out a spare tank top. he turns around, looking over his shoulder at lizzie sat at the desk. carefully he unbuttoned his shirt, and switched to the tank top. being cautious to not let lizzie see his wrists.

back to repeating the testing cycle again, he lit a cigarette. smoking as the bot ran through her programmed dialogue, the arm inside extending out with a cone of ice cream. will grabs the cone, taking a lick of the ice cream, nodding, then tossing it in the trash.

“not bad.” he shrugs.

it was time for the finishing touch, a small slot for all of her internal chips and cards to go for her programming. all he needed to do was get the part from the storage room. he turned to lizzie, grabbed his other shirt and put it over his arms.

“honey, stay put. i have to run to one of the storage rooms for a part. it might take me a few minutes to find the right one. i’ll be right back.” he kisses her head then retreats out of the workspace.

a small whir of mechanics snaps lizzie from her book. she looks around the room for a second, calling out to her father, then notices the mechanical arm holding a cone of ice cream out. standing, she slowly makes her way to it, hesitantly taking the cone from the claws. it retreats back into the robot quickly and with a clunk.

“thank you..” lizzie smiles, licking the ice cream from the cone.

“i am circus baby. are you elizabeth?” the animatronic spoke, her eyes shining brightly.

“yes! i’m elizabeth, you can call me lizzie. everyone does!”

“lizzie” circus baby repeats.

“did my dad make you for me?”

the robot didn’t respond, it just stared back. lizzie stepped closer, looking at the details. how it resembled her. she knocked on the metal casing softly. tossing the ice cream away, and standing back a few feet.

“circus baby?”

the robots head turned slightly toward her, and the chest panel began to open slowly. lizzie looked inside, expecting more ice cream.

“i would like to show you something, come closer.”

elizabeth felt strange, she couldn’t place it. yet she was afraid, of what, she didn’t know. but she still stepped closer to the animatronic. “what did you want to show me?”

the mechanical claw stretched out, grabbing hold of lizzie and snatching her back into the cavity. so fast, she barely had time to scream. a small piece of her pajama bottoms getting cut off by the door. blood just barely dripping out of the robot, onto the floor.

will entered the room, holding the piece. humming to himself, he sets the part down by his tools, looking back at his desk. rushing over as he sees that lizzie isn’t there, he runs out of the room, checking down the hallway, the storage rooms, the bathrooms, everywhere. panicking as he steps back into his workroom, his eyes catching the scrap of fabric sat in front of circus baby, and the small droplets of blood that began to pool under her.

he took in a shaking breath, and dropped to his knees. holding the fabric scrap in his hands. he looked up at the animatronic, stands and sits against the toolbench. his eyes never leaving the bot. he stayed like that for god knows how long, alternating between smoking cigarettes and muttering prayers, yet his eyes never stopped staring at her. his heart beating in his ears.

he looked around, for the first time in hours, and the sun had set. then he began to scream, falling to the floor and sobbing. hyperventilating as his thoughts ran rampant.

how could you let this happen?

how could you leave her alone?

you stupid worthless man, look at how you’ve failed once again.

go ahead, slit your wrists some more, maybe this time you’ll succeed at something.

will stood up, rushed toward the animatronic and began kicking it roughly. punching it until the metal dented in the middle and he could rip the casing off. he tore it apart with his bare hands until his fingers bled, and he could finally see his mistake.

there, inside the body of circus baby, elizabeth remained. mangled and torn apart, nothing could have been pieced together, even if he tried. he shook, placing the casing back on the endoskeleton. trapping her inside. he carried himself to his desk, and sat down behind it. grabbing the phone off the receiver, trying to catch his breath as he dialed his home. it rang for a few seconds before nancy answered.

“hello? afton residence this is nancy.”

“nancy?” will spoke, his voice hoarse and shaking.

“william! where the hell are you, where is elizabeth? when will you be home with her, she has school tomorrow.”

“nancy….”

“what?” she spits.

“there’s been an accident…”

he slowly explained everything that happened, up until he left the room, and then when he came back. listening to her break down and sob, and ask about the police, or what they should do or just any way to help, please just not her baby!

“there’s nothing left, nancy. there’s nothing left to save…” he pauses, taking a deep breath. “i can’t fix her.”

“will, i’m calling the police.” nancy sobs.

he hangs up. sitting silently with himself before standing and hiding his joints and coke in a safe spot where the cops wouldn’t find it. then he waited, until the police knocked on the door. slowly, he covered his arms up with his shirt, and opened the door.

will spoke with the officers, explaining every detail of what happened as far as he knew, as he held back tears. he showed them the animatronic, taking off the casing for them to see.

“how could this happen, what is the mechanic that could do this?” one officer spoke.

“it’s a mechanical arm that is supposed to dispense ice cream cones…. i guess i fucked up one of the wires, or placed a part wrong or there was chip or computer error. i-i don’t know! it’s all my fault! she was just supposed to dispense ice cream.” will sobs, falling to his knees again.

“sir, no please don’t blame yourself for this.. it could have just been a mechanical error, or perhaps she touched something. this wasn’t your fault.”

“i just wanted to make something for people to enjoy! is that too much to ask, god!” will sobbed, standing up as one of the officers hugged him.

over the next few days the two officers finished their investigation, and a detective came through as well. elizabeth’s death was ruled an accident, and the case was closed. nancy opted to not do a funeral, especially since when will had finally told his parents what had happened to elizabeth, they said they never wanted to speak to him again. for how could he allow that to happen to their precious granddaughter. how could they have raised such a huge fuck up.

19: hunger

“danny- wait no i didnt mean that…”

“you still said it. i’m fucking done, will, i did so much for you. everything it seems. and you can’t just- you can’t do this one thing i ask of you? i loved you, and i don’t know why you think you don’t want that from me, like you don’t need it, you’ll fucking starve without me. find me again when you figure out the reality of your situation, and can fucking grasp what you have to offer.”

the door slams.

will jolts awake at the sound. too loud, too real. seeming as if it came from outside of his dream, yet the house remained silent. nancy’s car stayed in the driveway. he had fallen asleep on the couch again, he wasn’t intentionally avoiding nancy. but he couldn’t lie and say it was unintentional either. just, happenstance.

with shaking hands he lights a cigarette, rubbing his face as he goes into the kitchen to pour himself some coffee. getting the cream from the fridge, he hears lizzie’s soft voice at the table behind him.

“dad? are you okay?” she asked, a mouthful of cheerios.

“i’m alright, sweetheart. don’t worry about me okay? just eat your cereal. i’ll give you a ride to school today. how’s that sound?” he smiles. tugging down the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

lizzie returns the smile, eating just a little bit faster, so she can spend more time with her dad before school. will stirs the sugar into his coffee with a trembling hand. taking a long drink from his mug, as lizzie drinks the milk from her bowl. she hands him the bowl and spoon, and waits for her dad to finish his coffee before going upstairs with him.

lizzie pauses, sniffling softly at the sight of boxes in the hallway. some taped shut, others halfway open. clothes tossed about on top of the boxes, a blueprint tube labeled for the workshop.

“dad, what’s all this for?”

will doesn’t look to her, he doesn’t offer any comforting touch. he just stands and smokes his cigarette. “i’m just sorting through old things. getting rid of stuff.”

“it looks like you’re leaving.”

he kneels down to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “i’m not leaving you, lizzie.”

his words seem to soothe her, but barely. she’s old enough now to understand when her father isn’t being fully honest. will kisses her cheek and tells her to get ready for school. standing up and turning around to face his bedroom door. only to see nancy standing in the threshold, sipping coffee from her mug.

she smiles softly to herself as she notices william’s shaking hands, the cigarette now just a stick of ash. not angry, not confused, just tired.

“so you’re finally doing it?” the silence is broken by her sharp voice.

“doing what, nancy?” he scoffs as he pushes past her. into the bedroom to dress himself and throw more clothes into a box. nancy shuts the door behind him. the click of the latch almost too similar to the click of the tape. and he freezes, staring at her. desperate to not show any fear. yet, she steps closer, and he stumbles back.

“you’re finally being a man. you finally got the guts to leave, huh? not scared of what your mommy and daddy will think now?” she scoffs, lighting a cigarette.

“be my fucking guest. you’ve been begging for an out for years. now’s your chance. you pull away from me, you deny me affection, you treat me so fucking awful. and yet, you act like you’re scared of me?” she laughs.

“i can’t even come near you, without you shaking like a leaf. you’ve been avoiding me. you’re avoiding your responsibilities of being a husband and a father. i tried, will. i tried to pretend everything was alright between us. for them. but they’re old enough now to see right through. be a man, will.”

will doesn’t even have time to process his actions before he rushes towards her, and his hand is slapping her across the face. she stared back at him, her cheek stinging. will no longer shook with fear, but with rage. he hadn’t put his hands on her in years, because things were “good” back then. will didn’t remember as much as he did now. but the way she spoke to him, and looked at him as if he were a scrap of meat she wouldn’t even feed a dog. enraged him enough to escalate to that.

“you’ll never be a man, william. you put your fucking hands on me and think you’re a man? no. no no no. you’re still a scared little catholic boy desperate for a girl to fuck him!” she scoffs.

you don’t have to fear her, will. you went long enough without it. what good is it doing now?

then, will thought this time. he thought it through, and still, he grabbed her by the hair, lifting her onto her toes and punching her in the face. her nose spilling blood into her mouth. she coughed at the taste.

“heartless fucking bitch.” he remarked, dropping her onto the floor. turning around again to dress himself. he had no reason to fear her anymore, he was stronger than her. he always has been. will couldn’t allow himself to be held back by her anymore.

lizzie knocks softly on the door. will opens it and goes to step out, but lizzie peeks her head in. looking at nancy with sad eyes. nancy began to cry, holding her nose as it bled. trying to hide her state from elizabeth, but failing miserably.

“mommy? are you okay?”

will grabs her shoulder, pulling her out of the room. “she’s fine, liz. she just fell. let’s get you to school, hm?”

“can i help you put boxes in your car?”

“sure, honey. sure you can.” he smiles, handing her a couple blueprint tubes.

they load up the car, with will doing most of the work, and head towards lizzie’s school. kicking her feet as they hang from the passenger seat, tapping her fingers along to the radio.

“when can i go see circus baby, dad? is she ready yet?”

“not yet, liz. there still quite a few major adjustments i need to make before she’s safe.”

she quiets again, seeming to sink into her seat. looking out the window as the trees and street signs pass. closing her eyes as the wind from the cracked window softly blows against her cheeks. the car softly jolts as will put in park.

he steps out of the car, walking to the passenger side and opening the door. helping lizzie out and handing her her backpack. giving her a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek before sending her off into the building.

a few feet away stood another man, almost mirroring will’s actions with his own daughter. for a passing moment, only by one glance, will thought it was daniel. he looked again, and the man looked so much like him, it began to hurt. his heart beat faster, and he felt as if he was going to pass out. yet he managed out a choked question.

“daniel? is that you?”

the man turns to him, looking confused and tilting his head softly. will puts his hand on his head and sighs. making his way to the man slowly.

“i’m so sorry, you just look like an old friend.” he shrugs.

“that’s okay, i get that sometimes.” the man laughs, patting will on the shoulder before walking to his car.

will does the same, starting the car. sitting for a moment, taking in the silence. reminding himself he doesn’t have to be afraid anymore. he starts down the road to his workshop. parking as close as he can to unload the boxes of clothes for himself and parts for circus baby into the building. pulling down the toll top door, closing it with a loud clang.

he sits down in his chair, rolling himself to the phone on the wall. standing up and taking it off the receiver and sitting back down. he dials your number, you pick up after the third ring.

“hi doll.”

“hi will! what a nice surprise, i wasn’t expecting you to call. what’s up!” you beam.

“i just was calling to let you know that i’ve got some of my boxes stored at the warehouse, if you need to put anything here.”

you hear the click of a lighter behind the speaker, a long breath, and then a series of harsh coughs.

“wow, smoking without me? harsh.” you joke.

“nobody said you couldn’t come down here for a while, i’m just here. i’m about to start doing some of the final revisions on baby. i won’t get everything done tonight but,” he pauses, taking another hit. “the company would be nice.”

you smile behind the phone, rolling your eyes softly. “alright, yeah okay. i’ll be there in 10.”

you both hang up. will leans back, setting his feet on his desk. finishing his joint before getting up to work on circus baby again.

you had left the cassette tape here. will looks at the stereo for a moment, shrugging and pressing play. letting the music blare through the shop as he worked. steadily focused on the animatronic in front of him. humming along to the music that played.

you enter the warehouse, following the sound of the music. down the hallway, and into the workroom. will looks up at you, stands and wipes his hands off on a rag. he turns the music down and walks to you, picking you up and kissing you softly.

“how’s the packing going?” he smiles.

“it’s good! i’ve gotten a few boxes done already.” you hum. going over to circus baby to inspect her. “so this is the new one?”

will nods, standing behind you. his arms wrapped around your waist. peppering kisses up and down your neck. his teeth softly dragging against your skin.

“will-!” you blush. trying to push him off. he turns you around, his hands holding your face.

“what? am i not allowed to admire you?” he laughs, softly holding your waist.

“alright, whatever you say.” you smile, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. his eyes flick down to your lips before closing the gap between you.

his tongue slipping past your lips, swirling around your own. pushing you backwards until your legs bump into his desk. one of his hands under your shirt, grabbing and toying with your tits. sloppily he trails his way down your neck, biting into your flesh. you hiss through your teeth at the pain.

sure will had bit you and made you bleed before, but never where anyone could see. he’d never sunk his teeth as deep as he had done now.

his fingers thread in your hair, giving it a gentle tug , exposing your neck more. your breath shortens as you feel him begin to suck, pulling the blood into his mouth and swallowing. wills other hand travels between your legs, softly rubbing your clit through your jeans. your whimpers of pain slowly turn to moans. will moans as he sucks more blood from your neck.

“w-will…” you slur, vision going blurry.

softly he pulls away, blood running down his chin as he smiles at you.

“why did you just do that?” you catch your breath, holding yourself up with one hand, the other applying gentle pressure to the wound.

will doesn’t answer, he just kisses you gently, slowly undoing your jeans and pulling them off. sinking to his knees in front of you, kissing your thighs. you look down at him with heavy eyes as he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small bottle. he pours a line of white powder onto your thigh, before snorting it off.

his hands grip your thighs and pull you to the edge of his desk, closer to him. giving your clit a soft kiss, digging his nails into your skin as you shiver. he licks your clit, slow and gentle. his eyes looking up at you as you tug at his hair and pull him closer.

he sucks at your clit, holding your thighs tightly. smirking as he takes one hand from your thighs, and softly teases your hole with his fingers. pulling away for a moment.

“i love how wet you are for me, doll…” he purrs, before wrapping his lips around your clit again. pushing his fingers into you. your grip on his hair tightens as he pleases you. moans echoing off the walls through the empty warehouse. blood dripping slowly down your neck.

will drives his fingers into you faster, licking gently at your clit. your back arches, and you roll your hips against his tongue. moaning loudly and tugging at his hair harshly as you cum. he pulls away, giving your clit a soft kiss and pulling his fingers out. smiling at you as he licks them clean.

18: a ghost with a beating heart

william startles awake at the sound of the front door shutting. sitting up groggily and rubbing his eyes, slowly standing and checking the time.

7:42

he huffs, stretching and yawning before going upstairs. searching in the small pile of clothes on the floor in front of his closet, he grabs some black pants, and a wrinkled white button down. retreating into the bathroom, turning the faucet as hot as it would go. running the shower and stepping under the water, closely inspecting the cuts that littered both of his wrists now. hissing through his teeth as the soap stung the wounds.

will dresses himself slowly, leaving the top of his shirt unbuttoned, untucked. in his pocket, one of the little coke bottles. he pours some onto his hand, snorts it and licks the remaining powder. closing his eyes for a moment, seeing a flash of daniel’s smile, a flash of esmeralda’s face. he shakes his head, trying to get rid of the thoughts.

“god- please, please make it stop how do i get rid of them? why can’t i forget them this time? what do i need to do?” he kneels, sobbing. his hands held together in prayer against his forehead. searching for the sound of the lord’s voice in his ears, pleading for any sort of direction from god.

but the voice never came, only the sound of the tub draining still. shakily he stands, walking back downstairs. grabbing his wallet from the coffee table, searching for his keys. getting more and more frustrated with each place he searches, and the keys not turning up. groaning as he trudges downstairs.

he grabs his keys from his workbench. for a second, his eyes hesitate on the tape recorder. sighing, he walks to the box in the corner, grabs the bag and places the recorder inside. sticking it on top of a box of baby’s parts. loading up his car with the box and the rest of the animatronic. the engine turns over, purring softly.

will rolls down his window, then turns the volume dial up. freezing as the song began to play through his car.

love of two is one

here, but now they’re gone

came the last night of sadness

and it was clear that she couldn’t go on

“jesus fucking christ, this is how today is going to be?” he says, laughing softly. putting the car in drive and going to fredbear’s. parking a few spots away from the crane at work, removing the old sign and replacing it with a new, fresher one. a new name, a new history, a new beginning.

you and lily stood out front, taking a smoke break before going inside to begin opening the restaurant. she was saying something or another about her husband, but your eyes were on will. beaming as you step out your cigarette, and trying to not rush toward him. keeping things casual, calm, composed.

“need any help with that?” you smile.

“oh- shit. uh, sure. just get the small box on the other side. i’ve got the rest if you keep the door propped open?”

you nod, going to the other side of his car and grabbing the box. sure it was a little heavy, but nothing you couldn’t handle. using your foot to kick a small brick in front of the door, to prop it open. taking a deep breath as you bend down to set it on the floor in the workroom. sniffing in confusion again at the bag on top. it was old, worn down and smelled of dust and dirt.

you carefully pick the bag out of the box, setting it down. opening the snaps on the front, and taking a look inside. humming at the contents before taking out the tape recorder. holding it in both of your hands as you inspect it. your fingernail catching on the small scratch in the plastic. the old silicone feet on the bottom now worn to nubs, and in faded permanent marker, on the back of the device, it read.

d. molloy

“what are you doing?” will’s voice echoed through the somewhat empty room. startling you enough to send the tape recorder out of your hands and onto the table. it clicked open at the force of the landing. your eyes find the words scribbled on the tape.

w. afton interview 1

“nothing.. i-“

“don’t lie to me.” he slams the door. dropping the box loudly. he rushes over to the device, clicking it shut and inspecting it for damage.

“i just saw that bag and got curious is all…”

he glares at you. picking up the box and moving it to the floor. “you’re working with me now. i don’t want you on the floor, anymore. understand? i’ll get it worked out with henry.”

“will that’s not fair, don’t i get a sa-“

“just shut the fuck up and do as you’re told! you already think you can snoop through my stuff and invade my privacy? you don’t get to fucking disobey my orders. now. do. you. understand? fucking nod.” he stood straight, staring at you for a moment, before a flash of regret crosses his face. blinking slowly, gathering his composure. taking a deep breath.

you nod. looking down to mask your eyes welling with tears. then, you feel his hand on your cheek, lifting your head to look at him.

“i don’t do this to be cruel. you’re just- you’re the only person who knows these animatronics almost as good as i do. i can’t do this alone, there’s too much work now.” he kisses your forehead, smiling softly.

“i will help you, on one condition?”

“what’s that, doll?” he turns away, taking parts out of the box and setting them down.

“i get to ask you whatever questions i want, and you have to answer them honestly. it’s fair to me i think.”

he pauses, putting a hand to his head. “alright. fuck- i guess.”

“you guess? will, not only are you taking me out of a job i just got back to being comfortable in, i don’t know what my compensation is going to look like, i don’t know if i’ll be able to make my rent?”

“have i ever let you fall behind, y/n? have i ever let you struggle in that department? no! i haven’t!

and that is going to continue for as long as i can make it happen. alright?” he sighs. taking your hand and sitting on the floor across from you.

“look, i’m sorry, i know you have friends here, and you still can come see them. just- i can’t let you work here anymore. i have this feeling a horrible, awful feeling, that something is about to go horribly wrong here. and we just need to fix freddy and the others, and get out before it’s too late. hell, henry may even be planning my termination as we speak.” will holds your hands. looking into your eyes.

“okay… alright, i trust you on this. but i still get my end of the deal.”

he nods. kissing you gently, before standing. offering his hand to you to help you up. he starts working on piecing together the animatronic. you make your way to the stereo, plucking out a tape from your purse you had recorded for him. putting it into the loading deck, and starting the tape.

he froze, hearing the same familiar guitar riff, the same cowbell, the same drum beats. then the lyrics began again.

all our times have come

here, but now theyre gone

seasons don’t fear the reaper

nor do the wind, the sun, or the rain

“will?” you stammered, placing a hand on his shoulder as he trembled.

“daniel… i need you to turn the music off.” will choked out. swallowing heavily.

you stepped back, taking your hand away. stepping away to turn the music off. only then, did he break from his trance, only then did he look at you. not understanding why you looked so hurt, confused and angry at him.

“w-what’d i do?” he panics, immediately dropping to his knees and looking up at you apologetically.

“who is daniel, william?” you probed.

“i can’t answer that…”

“fine, i’m fucking leaving then. have fun working on this by yourself-“

“please! god don’t fucking leave! don’t abandon me like everyone else. i’ll tell you just- don’t go..” he begs, grabbing onto the hem of your skirt.

you look down at him, sighing softly. then you sit down across from him again. he takes a deep breath, wipes his face and rolls up his sleeves. noticing your eyes lock on the wounds covering his flesh. “don’t fucking say anything about it.” he groans.

the silence stood, cold and uncomfortable. until will stood, grabbing the tape recorder, and rewinding the tape. he sets it down in between the two of you and presses play. the sound of daniel’s voice echos off the walls.

“daniel molloy here with william afton, this is the first tape of our um-“ the voice pauses to laugh.

“interview? i guess? i don’t really know what to call this.” he laughs again. and you recognize will’s laugh behind the other.

“so, mr. afton. tell me everything. give me every gory detail of your life.”

will chewed his fingernails at the sound of the memories replaying again. the laughing and questioning on his catholicism, his opinions on sin. his eyes fixated on one corner of the room. the two of you listen to the tape, will never breaking his focus on the wall.

you hear daniel call will extraordinary, enticing, hypnotic. then the silence, the crackle of the tape. then the question came, hesitant yet laughing.

“have you ever hooked up with a guy before?” daniel questioned.

will scoffs. “god no- that’s a sin. i-id go to hell. i think i was pretty clear on that…”

“will, i don’t think you grasp the reality of religion. it’s keeping you in these little dull boxes and tells you who you can and can’t be, and who you can and can’t fuck? like come on! get real.” daniel laughs, slightly uncomfortable.

then silence again. the sound of shifting in a chair, clearing of the throat, a soft hum of realization.

“i guess i never thought of it that way…” will noted.

“now i’ll ask you this one, have you ever wanted to hook up with a guy?”

will swallowed. “you’re not gonna tell anyone right? these tapes are just for us?”

quiet again.

“one time, when i was 17. it was a dumb thing i just- i don’t know i pushed it away. i don’t really think it was actually an attraction i was feeling i guess-“ he pauses. “i guess i don’t actually know how to explain it.”

daniel laughs. “wow, give a catholic boy some marijuana and he’s telling you about how he wanted to fuck a dude.”

will laughs at the remark.

then a familiar sound, a sound you knew all too well by now. the sound of rough kissing, teeth nipping at lips, breathy moans from both of them. you look at will, who now sat with his knees to his chest.

“are you sure?” daniel asks.

“i’ve never been more sure about anything in my life than i am right now.”

then the tape stopped. clicking off as it ran out of film. you and william sat, the silence clinging to the air like glue. unmoving.

you weren’t jealous, no. how could you have jealousy over something from the past? just taken aback, blindsided by this weight being thrown at you, unprepared to catch it. still your chest tightened with a feeling unfamiliar to name.

“will?”

he looks at you, his eyes red and teary. trapped in the memory.

“are- are you gay?”

he shakes his head, closing his eyes. taking one of your hands into his own. “no. i’m not- i’m not gay. i just had a fling of sorts with a person who happened to be another man. i dont know how to explain it, i prefer women but it just happened for that one person.” he pauses again. “whatever that makes me, i don’t want to think about. i don’t want a reminder of how wrong i am.”

“did you love him?”

will nods, softly. “i think so. fuck, doll. i don’t miss the fact that he was yknow, a guy. i just miss the comfort. i miss how i felt like i could escape with him.”

“i want you to be able to feel like that with me, will..” you sigh, squeezing his hand.

“i’m trying. that’s why i’m having you come work for me. so i can see you everyday. i can’t be without you- fuck. i’m gonna buy a house for us-“

“a house?” you stalled, mind racing about everything it could mean. stability, family, a future. things you had only heard mentioned in will’s drunken ramblings.

“just- dont ask about it okay? i need to be with you all the time. i’m going to. start packing tonight, i’ll have everything arranged for you to move in, in a couple weeks.” he kisses your hand. his voice almost too calm, too relaxed. as if he had been planning this for a while.

you stare at him, mouth agape. “o-okay. alright i’ll start packing.”

he holds you close, kissing the top of your head again.

“i’m not gonna fuck this up okay? i promise.”