MisterNobody

Improper Use of a Deadly Alien Plant

The flower shop across from your apartment closed down years ago. You could still remember it well despite this fact, mixed with the fact you had never actually went in. You had no reason to. What on Earth were you going to get flowers for, if you even had the money to get them? The sad pity party you had going on? Yeah. Sure. I bet flowers would REALLY help there.

…Safe to say, you didn’t care about the shop when it went under. You hadn’t even cared about it when people were flooding your street by the dozens when it was open. Similarly, you didn’t care about the pathetic dude who used to work there, nor his ditzy broad or weird old boss.

You didn’t even care about that fucked up giant plant by the window…

Okay. That was a lie. Weird to lie to yourself. You should get that checked out before it becomes a habit.

You HAD cared about “Twoey” when the shop was open. Oh wait, did you say cared? It was more like an obsession, y’know. Everyone seemed to love that plant, that’s why they all shopped there, right? It was normal. A shared, normal, obsession. That’s what you told yourself, at least. But this was different.

So.. different… that when the rumors came out about the shop, what that cowardly fame-hungry bastard of a worker had done there, you weren’t deterred. So different, that when you.. err, magically found yourself pulled towards a certain alley behind the shop, you did not shriek or cry when you found that small potted plant waiting there that looked oh, so much like it in the early days. No, you were beaming like the freak that you were, and picked that sucker right up and took it home.

You weren’t sure if it was fate that compelled you, or him. All you knew is that you didn’t care. You fed the beast, but fixed the mistake that idiot Seymour had made all those years ago when he decided to get the monster hooked on eating people.

…

…

What? You’re the one who does it, why’re you waiting for an explanation? You know what you did to feed him, what you do. Just too ashamed to think it? Alrighty, your subconscious will tell ya’. Or, show you, rather.

———————————————————————

It was cold this morning. You hadn’t slept well, and now, looking down at your blood splotched pajamas bottoms as cramps began to bloom in your lower abdomen, you could guess why. The first day was always the worst.

You kicked out of reflex as something caressed your leg before looking down. Twoey, planted firmly (as he had long ago grown too large for you to move around) in the corner of the room at the end of your bed snaked a thick vine around your ankles and pulled you swiftly to the edge of your bed. You shot up into a sitting position, fingers clamped down onto the sheets as the carnivorous plant snickered at your surprise, as if this didn’t happen every month.

“Good morning, handsome.” Compliments from Twoey were odd (in fact it was odd he could talk at all). You liked them, even if you knew he only did it so you’d be quicker to bend to his wishes.

Smooth vines undid from your ankles and instead ran up your shirt, making you shiver as they swirled over your perked nipples. You leaned towards them, but they retracted teasingly.

“Come on, pretty boy. You know the deal. Hop in my pot.” Audrey cooed, patting his pot for emphasis. You made a tired noise of opposition, but began peeling off your pants and underwear anyway.

You had given Twoey a pot upgrade a long while ago, something bigger than he’d even had in the shop, and big enough you could squeeze in with him, like you did now. Once, long ago, you had been somewhat hesitant to sit naked in dirt with a plant with a human-eating past. Not anymore, it seemed! So much for self preservation.

Audrey’s vines clamped down around your thighs and laid you spread open, which forced you to watch helpless as he opened his giant mouth above you. Your eyes widened, but not out of fear. Something about seeing Audrey loom above you as you basked in the attention no other person would ever be luckily to survive through turned you on.

Luckily, due to the new human free diet, he no longer needed teeth, so the sight of him lowering himself to your crotch wasn’t very terrifying. You were already gushing, slick with arousal and blood, and you could feel it running down and seeping into his soil. You whimpered when his tongue finally came to your core, preparation nonexistent as he hungrily pushed it into you. His tongue had grown slimmer early into the course of your coupling to fit better in you, but you still felt stretched as he ate you out with it.

You gasped out his name as a vine, already wet with your fluids, found your sensitive tdick and fondled it. More limbs than you could count were holding you against him now, the best embrace a thing like him could manage. They restrained your hands together, squeezed at your sore chest, and kept your legs open and wide for him. Heat and pressure was pooling inside of you now, and for once it wasn’t uncomfortably because of the cramps.

Every caress on your clit made you buck so hard you were actually glad you were restrained, and it was obvious that Audrey was purposely drawing out your pleasure. You leaned closer to him the best you could while held down and began planting wet sloppy kisses against him as you held his “face” in your hands. You were probably scratching into him holding him so tightly, but if anything that merely drove him on. You were so, unbelievably close. Again and again his tongue lapped you up and you were just so close.

Finally, Audrey allowed you mercy, and you cried out as you squirted on his face. You both were blissed out hard, and you were panting heavily, crying probably too, as Audrey recovered enough from his feast to begin to massage your sore body down.

Meeting Oswald:

This story isn’t one of love at first sight, nor anything of the sort, because.. well, that’s not what happened.

You were just a worker, one at Veronica Vreeland’s manor. Maybe you were part of the waitstaff, maybe you were a cleaner or maid, the specifics didn’t quite matter.

Veronica threw parties often, as any rich person did, so you were at least used to it. You, admittedly, had been surprised to learn she was throwing a party for her new.. date, though.

Well, it wasn’t like it was something for you to worry about anyways. Your thoughts on your boss went only as far as your paycheck did.

You, of course, had to work the night of the party. It was a big thing, even for Veronica. Still, it wasn’t your job to care.

…but, you.. kinda did? It was weird, the way you felt as you accidentally stumbled upon Veronica’s new… err.. “boyfriend” as he was on the balcony. You’d never believed in fate, in fact it sorta made you anxious to think none of your actions mattered because fate would always make the outcome the same, but.. oh.

He was looking at you now. Wide eyed and stiff like a confused animal. Face, once scrunched up and scowling from learning Veronica was only using him, was now covered lightly by blush.

Okay, so.. it was only partially true. It hadn’t been love at first sight for you.

Depending on if Zim met you on Irk or on Earth, I think his reaction to you being half human would be slightly different

If you met on Irk, Zim wouldn’t really think of you as any different before he found out. You were just another soldier among the ranks, after all. Maybe you were a good soldier, maybe you weren’t. I don’t think Zim would care. Before learning about Earth, it’s doubtful Zim knew what a human was. So he’d probably freak out a bit when he saw you, thinking maybe you were sick or something.

If he met you on Earth, there’s two ways this could go. One, he could get really excited, happy to finally have another Irken on his side. Or… more likely, he would think that you being a hybrid was disgusting. “What Irk would mate with a nasty human??” Is what he’d probably say. It would… take him a bit to get used to you.

Comforting Zim:

Zim is a soldier! He’s tough and rude, as any Irken is.

But he can’t regulate himself, his emotions, well. He has… outbursts. Often.

Irkens don’t like to look weak. Friends or not, Zim won’t want you around him when he gets strong feelings like this. He thinks one day, no matter how nice you are to him, the Irken in you will come to your senses and leave him while he’s weak.

It’s unlikely Irkens can cry, being sensitive to water and all that, but Zim seems to get pretty close to it sometimes. He gets overwhelmed. For a Irken who can’t hear well, sounds overwhelm him easily.

Get this dude a pair of noise canceling headphones. He won’t thank you, because… well, it’s Zim, but he will be grateful. He’ll probably go on a little “mission” to get you something in return.

There’s no “right” way to comfort Zim when he gets in a mood. There will be times where you can’t comfort him at all. To be honest, the best thing you can do in intense situations is just be there with him. Talk to him when he calms down. Get his mind off Dib, or Gir, or whatever it was that made him upset. He’ll be the closest an Irken can get to being thankful.

I’m fine with basically anything, other than:

Pedophilia

Rape/no consent (CNC is fine, mayyybe dubcon too, depends on request)

Unsanitary kinks (if ykyk, I don’t really want to have to specify 😭)

Any type of outright abuse

Uhhh, idk, I think most other stuff is fine. I’m fine with kinky stuff, other than what’s listed

How to request something NSFW

(A guide for people who are socially anxious like me 💀)

My trick when I request things from other people is to slip in a compliment about their writing

Another trick I have is to be very nice when requesting and apologize for being too specific/unspecific

Remember this blog is a safe place so if you don’t want to request something straight out, private message me

Also when I fulfill a request, I always attach it to the request I got, so if you don’t want me to do that just tell me

You had never liked actual school. The buildings were confusing, the teachers were strict, and the kids were… well, weird. When your parents informed you two months ago that you were not only moving but that you’d be homeschooled as well, you were overjoyed to put it lightly. It was great! Well, maybe not the move, but the homeschooling was.

It was hard to think that you hadn’t seen your friends in more than two months. Sure, you got to talk to them online, but it just wasn’t the same. Homeschooling was great, but being a loner wasn’t.

You didn’t explore much in town, something about your parents not wanting you to get lost. You never particularly listened to their reasons.

Currently, you are outside drawing, like you were almost every day after your homework. You loved drawing, and your parents encouraged the creative outlet.

The sky was a wonderful color, still bright and high in the sky. The wind whistled through the grass as you sat on the steps of your front door, hunched over as you drew. It was truly a beautiful day. Everyday was. Just being alive and in the light of day was amazing to you.

You weren’t focused on the picture as you drew it, more on the colors and the shapes. Everything was beautiful already. It was made by you, after all. “Things made with love will never be dull”, or whatever that poem you read once said.

You lifted your head as a school bus momentarily stopped at the house across from you, dropping kids off. You must’ve lost track of time if the school kids were already getting out. You listened as the bus door closed and watched as the bus continued down your street. A tall-ish black-haired boy was standing on the sidewalk next to a shorter purple-haired girl. His sister, most likely.

The children of that scientist who lived across from you, you assumed. What was his name again? You couldn’t recall, but remembered your parents talking about him a few times. You never knew he had kids.

You put your drawing to the side, making sure it wouldn’t get blown away by the wind, and stood up. You hesitated, not quite sure what you were doing. Making friends would be nice, but how? You watched the boy turn his head and say something to his sister, both backs still to you. You walked down your driveway and to the sidewalk. No cars were coming, but you didn’t cross. The boy seemed to see you and turned, while his sister walked inside their house. You waved, not wanting to look like a weirdo. He waved back slowly from across the street.

“Do I know you..?” He asked, hand back at his side. He adjusted his glasses with his other hand. You shook your head no. He nodded, seeming to have thought so. You caught sight of a keychain on his backpack. It looked familiar. Was that Mothman? He seemed to catch you looking.

“Do you like paranormal stuff?” He asked before pausing for a car to pass between the both of you. You nodded. The paranormal was cool, you’d admit. You liked listening to those weird conspiracy theory videos sometimes as background noise.

“Yeah, I think that stuff is pretty cool.” You said, realizing you hadn’t talked yet. He smiled wide at your response and promptly jogged across the street to your side. He adjusted his backpack on his shoulders, both of you now in your yard.

“I’m Dib Membrane. What’s your name? I didn’t realize any kids lived here.” He looked over your house briefly before turning back to you. The last name Membrane sounded familiar, so you guessed he was telling the truth.

“I’m Y/n. I’m homeschooled, that’s probably why you haven’t seen me. Plus, I usually hang out in my backyard, and not the front.” You explained with a shrug, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. You hadn’t talked to someone in person that was your age in a while and hoped you didn’t seem too awkward. If you were being awkward, Dib seemed too focused on meeting someone with the same interests to care. The boy was practically beaming.

“Oh, that’s cool. I wish I was homeschooled. My dad is real smart, so I’d probably be learning more than I do now anyways.” Dib said, his words quick because of his excitement. You nodded along to his words, a small gesture of the fact you were actually listening. Dib adjusted his glasses and peered down at his watch.

“Well, actually, speaking of my dad, I have to go.” He lifted his head back to you, looking slightly less happy. “Here, you can have this. I saw you looking at it.” He added before slipping the Mothman keychain into your hand. You pocketed it.

“I can met you here again tomorrow, when you get off the bus.” You called out to Dib as he once again crossed the street to his house. He smiled back at you.

“I’d like that.”