You know, life just doesn’t hand things out to you. You have to fucking participate.

If you look at the various gurus and sages that have lived throughout the ages, they didn’t have a lot of material things. They knew that within themselves, they had found this center connected to that sustainability. You don’t need a lot. Love is all you essentially need.

Remember, however, that if love isn’t available from the source from which you seek, it probably cannot be given. This isn’t a deficiency of your character. Rather, the person, or persons, from whom you desire love and attention may simply be unable to express such emotions.

Understand what love looks like. Sometimes, really horrible people in our lives will convince us that love looks different than it actually is. Don’t let them get you confused: love should never hurt, love shouldn’t feel one-sided, and love shouldn’t feel conditional.

Love is the thing that we’re all made of. If you want to look at it as something physical, it’s what creates the structure of everything. That structure isn’t possible without connections. You have to have connection, and those connections then enable the structure to form either through conscious thoughts or physical form or whatever. It’s the enabler of everything. Without it, we wouldn’t exist. We call it love, as human beings, because we associate it with connection to family, friends, romantic connections, all of those things. Ultimately, what that’s doing is forming a structure.

Remember, however, that if love isn’t available from the source from which you seek, it probably cannot be given. This isn’t a deficiency of your character. Rather, the person, or persons, from whom you desire love and attention may simply be unable to express such emotions.

If you are not personally free to be yourself in that most important of all human activities - the expression of love - then life itself loses its meaning.

I went to the store to buy some cigarettes and the lady at the counter asked me for some identification. I handed it over and she said to me “It’s your birthday today. You look so young. Your mother should be very proud of you.” It was such a flippant statement, but for some reason it struck a chord. After all my years of therapy, these words from a stranger hit home. I can’t really explain it, but I felt a whole hoard of emotions: anger, regret, understanding, and, finally, relief. I felt that, yes, my mother should be proud of me—and I felt sorry for her that she was unable to feel that way. I wanted to have a chance at life, to meet someone and have my own children that I could love and be proud of. I realized then that this would only happen if I stopped treating myself the same way my mother did.

I also decided to be open with new people that came into my life. I didn’t scare them off at the first encounter, but as relationships began to develop, I would explain how my past affected me, and how I’d chosen to move on and be happy. Almost everyone I opened up to was completely supportive. Openness became a two-way street. I learned that most people had experienced their own struggles. Our confessions strengthened these new relationships. I also learned that not everyone is someone I can open up to—but the more I do it, the better instincts I have about who to let into my life.