lots of other stuff

sometimes it's really just me and the loose chocolate bars in my bag and the voices in my head against the world

haven't stopped thinking about my grandma randomly playing a song on the piano the other day. i never knew she could play at all. she told me when she was little she wanted to learn but her parents said no, even though they could afford it, because they said it would be too noisy. when she married my grandpa, he bought one for her so she could take lessons. maybe love is real

in case you haven't heard it lately: i'm really glad you're here. i'm so proud that you've made it to where you are, and that you're going to keep going and keep becoming more and more like the person you want to be. i hope you know how important you are and i can't wait for you to achieve what you're going to achieve <3

enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, rivals to lovers: all excellent, but personally i think nothing will ever top enemies/rivals to teammates/partners who make fun of each other to best friends who meddle in each other's love lives to lovers who are still best friends

i hope we fill 2022 with stars and pink clouds and love heart earrings and iced chocolates and lying in the sand and pancakes with strawberries and staring at the moon and big breaths of ocean air and singing along to every song. i can't wait for us to share it all.

this year i delegate to myself the mission of being comfortable in my own skin, whether that means changing my body or changing how i think about it

i spent this december saying that my parents aren't really gift shopping people because unlike me, that's not how they show love, so i completely understand if they don't buy me things, and yet on christmas morning i found so many thoughtful presents from them under our tree. i suppose i'm just thinking about the things we do for love

you've taken off your glasses but you can still tell that the moon is unobstructed and so full and you just have to see it better so you squint and for an instant it's in perfect focus and then the next moment everything else has disappeared, and now it's just you and the bright, bright moon

i sing all too well (taylor's version) with impressive fervor for someone who can't really remember my breakfast this morning all too well

currently rediscovering the act of writing and/or scribbling whatever i want - it doesn't have to be good!

i wish i could love and not just miss the friends i barely know now - i'll always miss them, but i want to think the version of me who spent every day with them, made plans and promises with them, shared everything with them, is still somewhere with that version of them - and they don't have to miss each other.

i am nineteen, but am i still fifteen, with a nervous smile and the courage to make new friends? am i still six, with princess dresses and a laugh i cannot hold back? am i still twelve, and can i still share everything with my oldest friends? am i still sixteen, spending endless time that is never enough with the people i love - and do i still love them? i can't go back, but i hope that's all still me, that i'll always be who i've already been.

sometimes i scare myself into thinking no one will ever love me like one single thread of gold tied me to them, or like they would marry me on top of the empire state building during a king kong attack, or like my smile would be forever in their mind and memory, or like they would press their hand to my heart and say they were already home. it is scary and it may be true, but i will have other loves and stories and songs, and i will love enough.