a sheep playing a tuba

Michael woke up from something rubbing against his leg. He yawned and wondered if it was you trying to wake him.

But as he looked at you he saw you were still deep in sleep. And clearly, deep in lust too.

Your face was scrunched up, as if you were frustrated, and you were rubbing against his hairy thigh, which had moved in between your legs, the heat from your pussy seeping through the thin material of your panties, dampening each second.

Within a second he was rock hard, but stayed as he was, wanting to see you finish.

You kept rubbing, small sounds of lust and something akin to anger, as if it wasn’t enough. He smiled inwardly, moving his hand down to cup his cock outside of his boxers, touching himself while he started to move his thigh, syncing it with your motions.

Suddenly you gasped, eyes flying open. Yours met Michael’s dark ones, seeing the smirk on his face, how the corner of his eyes creased in amusement before you noticed the tingling in your core, the urge to just keep going, needing, needing more...

”You really want it don’t you, darlin’?” Michael whispered, his big hand cupping your cheek.

You nodded, your lips turning into a pout and your forehead creased in frustration.

”Well, then go ahead, baby. Take what you need from me. I’m all yours. All you need, doll,” Michael said and you grabbed on to his strong arms, fingers digging into the flesh and muscle to get even better leverage.

You were frustrared. Yesterday Michael only came home and changed before going off to help Michelle with her backyard and some other problems. You had been longing for him whole day, wanting to feel his big cock split you open, or just his fingers pumping inside you. The fucker had all but ruined you, your own fingers didn’t feel half as good anymore, and while your vibrator was getting the job done, it wasn’t Michael.  It didn’t have his scent invading your nostrils, not his strong arms holding you, squeezing you, spanking you, not his silky curls hanging down over his forehead, teasing your own. And most of all, those dark eyes, pupils all but swallowing his dark irises from the arousal he felt for you.

No, nothing felt as good as Michael.

That’s why you had hoped he would give it to you good when he finally came home. You were soaked, all but ready to jump him in the doorway, but it was plain to see that he was exhausted. He yawned every other minute and nearly stumbled. So you bit down and helped him to bed, rubbing his neck and shoulders, which made him fall asleep before you were even done.

You were tempted to just hump his ass where you sat, but... no. It felt wrong. Especially when he was this exhausted.

So you rolled off of him, onto your own side of the bed and fell asleep, panties sticky with your own want, and annoyance gnawing at you.

Then you had dreamed, dreamed of Michael wanting you to ride him, but no matter how hard you pressed down, he didn’t fill you up, and you got more and more frustrated, pressing down and rubbing back and forth, wanting the release, the friction.

That’s when you woke up, realizing you had rubbed against Michael’s thigh.

It wasn’t the same as having him fill you up, you admitted that. But it wasn’t bad now that you were in control, knowing exactly how to do it.

”That’s right,” Michael urged you on, ”use me, pretty girl.”

You pressed down harder, feeling the tell tale signs of an oncoming orgasm, the pleasure radiating out from your clit to every nerve of your body. You felt the fuzz on his thigh rubbing against your skin, making the tingling even stronger, feeling how he clenched the muscle in his thigh to give you a harder surface to rub on.

 You dug your nails into Michael’s shoulders, your toes curling, your mouth hanging open, loud pants puffing out of you every time you exhaled as you finally exploded, a strangled cry coming out as you stilled, every muscle tensing up before your whole body relaxed, falling down against the pillows again, Michael hugging you and rubbing your back.

”Better, love?” he asked, kissing your forehead.

”Mhm,” you hummed.

”Someone didn’t get what they needed yesterday, I take it?”

”Uh-uh,” you sounded, too relaxed to form proper words.

Michael laughed.

”Next time, let me know. I don’t care how exhausted I am, I want to make my darling girl happy. Promise?”

”Mhm,” you said again, making Michael laugh even more.

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You were looking at yourself in the mirror, thinking you looked like an ice princess if you’d ever saw one.

The white lace dress fit you like a glove and honestly... it was probably the most beautiful you’d ever been, except for prom night back in high school.

Don’t think about that, you silently told yourself.

”How’s it going in there?” Nancy asked outside of the changing room and you sighed and stepped out. Robin and Nancy were sitting on a couch, champagne glasses in their hands, provided by the sales person.

”Oh, you look wonderful,” Nancy said, smiling at you.

”You really do. Like a thousand bucks. Which I guess that’s what you’ll be out buying that,” Robin joked.

You had to smile at her. The dress would dig a hole in your wallet, sure, but... you only had one wedding day, after all.

But what if you didn’t even want that? What if you weren’t ready yet?

You quickly pushed those thoughts away. Andrew was a great guy, and he loved you. How could you not say yes when he proposed?

Especially as he proposed on your birthday, with everyone else around, suddenly watching you with those intense, waiting gazes, just waiting for you to say ’yes’?

How could you say anything else then?

You had planned talking to Andrew later, to tell him you weren’t ready, that you thought your relationship was fine the way it was.

Then you realized that you were being silly. You had been with Andrew for almost three years now, and… you couldn’t imagine there was anyone else out there better than him.

Except the one guy you never seemed to get over. The guy you refused to think about, because it hurt so much, and yet he was always with you in the back of your mind. Like a shadow, following you wherever you went.

Eddie fucking Munson.

You still didn’t understand what had happened. Well, truth be told, you did understand, but you didn’t understand him.

It had happened just weeks before graduation. Eddie had been told that he hadn’t made it this time either, and it was his last chance. He wouldn’t graduate high school.

You comforted him and said that there were many people that didn’t graduate high school and they were still successful – one of his role models, Ozzy, was one of them. Drugs and alcohol aside, of course.

You had gotten accepted into a college in Indianapolis, and the plan was that Eddie would move with you, he had been looking for jobs in Indianapolis, and you two looked for an apartment with rent you could afford.

You were living the dream.

Until the day after prom, when he just said he had changed his mind, that it was time you two stopped lying to yourselves, thinking you had a future together.

You weren’t stupid enough to understand the real reason, that Eddie somehow thought he was holding you back. You had pleaded with him, forgoing all what pride was, begged him to stop being silly.

But he hadn’t.

And it was the last straw when he said that if he didn’t move to Indianapolis with you, then he could go somewhere else, seek his luck as a musician. You had said it yourself, Ozzy didn’t go to college. But he sure hadn’t slaved away at some lousy job in Indianapolis either.

That did it.

You had thought that he felt bad about holding you back, for some reason. And then it turned out that he just wanted to be rid of you so he could try and become an actual rockstar. Probably fantasizing about the groupies it would bring.

You hadn’t even said anything more to that, you had turned your back and walked away.

And yet… it still hurt.

Eddie Munson was the love of your life, even though your clearly wasn’t his.

But now you stood in the changing room of a bridal shop, trying on a wedding dress for a wedding to someone else. Someone that, no matter how hard you tried, you could never love like you had loved Eddie.

It wasn’t just Andrew. You had dated other guys in college, of course, but no one got close to the love and passion you had for Eddie.

It wasn’t fair. Not to you and not to Andrew.

But what choice did you have? Spending your life alone? Breaking such a great guy as Andrew’s heart?

How was that fair?

Eddie stared at Steve, his mouth hanging open.

“She’s getting married?”

Steve nodded. “Yep. She’s been with Andrew for a couple of years now. He proposed on her birthday and she said yes.”

Eddie felt his knees buckle, sinking down in the armchair behind him. Except he missed the seat and managed to fall to the side when he hit the armrest instead.

“You okay, buddy?” Steve asked worriedly.

“I… I…” Eddie stuttered, getting up from the floor again. He felt numb. “I didn’t think…” “What? That she was never going to find someone else? That she would wait for you forever?” Steve asked, his tone turning sharp.

“No!” Eddie said, just as sharply. “I… well, honestly, I don’t know. I’ve tried not to think about her over the years. Because if I did…”

“Then what?” Steve asked, “what would happen then? You were the one that broke it off, if I remember correctly. You broke her heart.”

“I never wanted to break her heart!” Eddie snapped. “I loved her, for fuck’s sake!”

Steve frowned. From what you had told him, Eddie had broke it off with you the night of prom and then split. He had never been back to Hawkins after that, not even to see Wayne.

Steve had been furious with Eddie for hurting you like that, and they hadn’t spoken to each other for several years, until today when Eddie suddenly called him, asking him to come over, sounding like someone had stabbed him in the heart. Apparently he’d heard it from Dustin, that you were getting married.

“If you loved her, then why did you dump her like that?” Steve questioned him and Eddie hid his face in his hands, a sob coming from him. Steve hadn’t expected him to cry.

Suddenly he felt like there was something he had missed in this story.

“I…” Eddie started, hesitating before he decided, fuck it. “I had to.”

“Had to?” Steve echoed, about to get angry with him again but Eddie held his hand up.

“Yeah. Her dad… he came to me that day. Told me that I was a good-for-nothing drug dealer and scum of the Earth, not worthy of his daughter. As if I didn’t know all that already, but then… he told me… that I had a choice. I could stay with her and ruin her life, but then… her dad wouldn’t want to waste his money on that, that the money he and her mother had put aside for her college education would just go to waste, probably to support my drug addiction. I told him I didn’t use the shit myself, just that I smoked weed on occasion, but he laughed in my face. And then he said that if I did back off, if I left her and never showed myself again, then… then she would have that money, go to college, get a degree and have a normal life.”

Eddie looked up, his eyes shiny with tears. “What was I suppose to do, Steve? The thing is, her dad was right! She was too good for me, I knew that. But… being the reason she missed out on college. She would’ve had to take student loans, probably work two jobs to make ends meet, while trying to study… she didn’t deserve that!”

Steve rubbed his forehead, suddenly so tired.

“That was… fuck, that was just shitty of her dad. And she… she doesn’t know?”

Eddie shook his head. “No. Unless her dad has said something, but I doubt it. I made sure she thought it was because of me. I didn’t want to ruin anything else for her.”

“Well, perhaps you should’ve,” Steve told him, although he could symphatize with the feeling of not being good enough for the girl you loved – that’s how he had felt about Nancy once upon a time. “A father doing that to his daughter? Using her college education as leverage. He doesn’t deserve to give her away.”

Eddie gave a scoff, wiping his eyes as they had gone back to the wedding, the reason he'd called Steve.

“Does he make her happy?” he whispered. “This Andrew?”

That was the only thing he wanted to know. If Andrew did… he might end up shooting himself, but if you were truly happy… that was the only thing he had ever wanted for you. The only reason why he left you.

Steve bit his lip, wondering if he should lie. But then he felt the same thing as Eddie, what the hell, why not be honest when Eddie had been.

“I don’t think she can ever be truly happy again, Eddie. The first love is always special, hell, Nancy is still special to me because she was the first girl I loved. But you and her? It seems like… you took a piece of her with you when you left. And she hasn’t been whole since then. She tries. Andrew makes her… content. But happy? That ‘want to shout it out from the rooftops’ happy? No. She hasn’t had that with anyone. Just you.”

Eddie suddenly smiles. His eyes are wet with tears he has refused to let out, but now when he’s smiling, it’s like the sun coming out on a cloudy day. His whole face brightens.

“Thank you, Steve,” he whispers before getting to his feet. “Then… I know what I must do.”

It’s like Eddie has suddenly forgotten that Steve is visiting him – since Eddie has refused to go back to Hawkins ever since that night – because the next Steve hears is the front door closing and Eddie’s boots hitting the stairs in the apartment complex.

You were about to go to bed when suddenly there was a knock on the door. You briefly wondered if it was Andrew – he was away on a business trip, but maybe he’d finished early and forgot his keys?

When you opened the door, though, you had the shock of the century. Outside stood Eddie Munson, his hair wild, as if he had run his fingers through it a million times, eyes red rimmed, and sweat beading on his brow.

“I speak,” he said before you could get a word out. You were so taken aback that you couldn’t even comprehend what he said.

“What?” you asked stupidly, instead of slamming the door in his face, which would’ve been the appropriate thing to do.

“I speak! At weddings, the official always say ‘if anyone has any reason to why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace’,” Eddie said breathlessly, “and… I speak!”

Suddenly rage overtook you and you were about to do what you should have done in the first place, slamming the door close, but Eddie clearly knew what you were  thinking, and put his boot in between the door.

“Please. There… there are things you don’t know. If you’ll just… please, give me half an hour. If you still want to throw me out after that, I’ll go willingly, and I’ll never bother you again.”

You didn’t think he deserved half an hour, not even five minutes, but then he added: “If this is truly what you want… to marry Andrew, and you have no doubts whatsoever… then I’ll leave now. Otherwise…”

You hated that he somehow knew. You hated that you had doubts. But you did. Maybe hearing him out would give you the closure you needed?

“Fine,” you said, holding the door open, “come in.”

You lead him inside the kitchen, offering him to sit down. Deep down you cursed your parents for having raised you to be polite in every situation, when you felt the need to ask if he wanted some water or tea.

“Tea would be great,” Eddie said and you instantly started preparing. It gave you something else to focus on, so you didn’t have to look at him, so maybe it wasn’t so bad.

Finally you gave him a steaming hot mug and sat down on the opposite side of him.

“So,” you said, “you wanted half an hour. I’m guessing it’s twenty-five minutes now. Talk.”

Eddie realized he couldn’t ease his way into this. It was better to just rip the band-aid off.

“I… there’s something you don’t know about that night. Why I left.”

“Oh?” you snorted. “What’s that? You told me you couldn’t be with me anymore and then you split. I was in my prom dress, make up done and… and I spent the rest of the night crying. So what is it that I don’t know?”

“I told you the truth. That I couldn’t be with you anymore. Not that I didn’t want to.”

Now you frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I… your dad… you remember both of your parents weren’t thrilled you were dating me, but your dad especially.”

“So you mean it’s his fault for not approving of you?” you asked, your voice strained from anger. “Don’t blame it on my dad, Eddie, he wouldn’t…”

“Except he did. He came to me, the day of prom and said he wouldn’t stand by and watch how I dragged you down with me. That you were too good for me. He said… that if I stayed with you, he would… he wouldn’t pay for your college education. He would blow all that money your parents had saved up on stuff he wanted. But if I broke it off with you and left… then you would have those money as expected, and go to college and make something of yourself.”

He swallowed and looked down into his tea, stirring with the spoon. “What choice did I have, Y/N? I loved you, but you deserved to go to college, to not stress over finances so early on in your life. I’ve been stressed about finances since I was twelve years old… I didn’t want that for you. So I… I left. And while I think it was the right decision – for you – it’s pained me every day since then. And now, because I’m a jerk, I needed to tell you. Before you marry someone else. Because I can’t get over you. And… deep down… I needed to know if you felt the same.”

You wanted to scream at him. Throw the tea in his face, for putting you through this. And your father… somehow you realized that Eddie was telling the truth, that your dad had really done that. Neither of your parents had liked Eddie, but your dad was the worst of it. He didn’t even call Eddie by name when talking about him, he called him ‘trailer park trash’ or ‘lowlife’.

You were suddenly so angry, wanting to lash out. “How could you not tell me that?” you yelled, reaching over the table and started hammering with your fist on Eddie’s chest. “How could you make that decision for me?! How could you say that I was holding you back, making me think that…”

 Eddie grabbed on to your wrist, surprise evident in his eyes. “I… I just… I always knew you were too good for me, sweetheart. But being the reason why you couldn’t go to college, how could I…? And of course that other part wasn’t true, but I had to make you believe me! I saw that you wouldn’t accept …”

“That wasn’t your decision to make!” you cried, “you should have told me! Do you think I would have wanted my dad’s blood money if that was the price for them? No!”

“But…”

“No, Eddie! I can’t believe… do you know how much I’ve suffered? I kept thinking it was because I was holding you back, that you couldn’t chase your dream as a rock star, that you… you wanted the life of groupies, drugs and alcohol after all, and I…”

“No! Never!” Now it was Eddie’s turn to yell. “Like I said, I only said that to make you let go, but you believed it so quickly, I thought I would have to lie for hours, but you just believed it. It made me even more convinced – if you believed that, then I had clearly not showed you how much I loved you, and you were better off…”

“Exactly!” you screamed, “how could you ever think that I wouldn’t want to make the choice and pick you?! Instead you lied to me and took my decision from me!”

It got quiet. Your tea mug had fallen onto the table, the tea dripping down onto the floor, and neither of you had noticed.

Both of you were panting as if you had run a marathon.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie whispered, cupping your cheek. “I shouldn’t have…”

You shook your head.

“What now, Eddie?” you whispered, “I’m supposed to marry Andrew in five months.”

Eddie looked away. “Do you love him?” he asked quietly.

You closed your eyes, fighting against the tears.

“In a way,” you whispered, your eyes still closed. “But… not like I loved you. I’ve never loved anyone in the way that I loved you.”

“So you still love me?”

“Yes.”

“I still love you too. I’ve never even been able to date anyone else. No one compares to you.”

You gave a little laugh, filled with despair.

“What do you want to do?” Eddie asked. “Now I ask you, to make the decision for yourself. I will respect it, whatever it is.”

The logical part of your brain said that you couldn’t hurt Andrew like this, that the date for the wedding was set, you had bought a dress, you had booked a venue…

But you could still cancel, another part of your brain whispered. The date for cancelation and the deposit hasn’t passed yet.

You let out a shuddering breath.

You knew what you had to do. You had lived a half life for so many years now. You wanted to be whole again. And there was no other way to do it, except with Eddie. Always Eddie.

“I… I want you,” you whispered, taking his hand. “There’s no other choice, Eddie. You will forever be the one for me. I’ve been lying to myself this whole time.”

Eddie suddenly got up from the chair, pulling you up with him and hugged you tightly.

“You’re the one for me too, Y/N. You will forever be my always.”

Suddenly he stepped back and pulled the neckline of his shirt down. You noticed the tattoos that had been there in high school, faded over time. But over his left side… was your name.

“I knew there could never be anyone else. This was all I had left…” he whispered and you fell into his arms again.

You knew there would be a mess to clear up. You knew you would hurt Andrew deeply. You knew people would be upset with you.

You wouldn’t do anything more than hug Eddie, you refused to hurt Andrew even more.

But right now… you allowed yourself to enjoy this moment, to just feel whole again.

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