Quincunx

Or a ghost,

Life was succinctly elusive

Underneath a man

It was clearly erratic

Underneath a mother

It was safe

Where did the ladies of the night

Find their light in the dark?

Their shine in the dull

Their careful

Shadow?

more specifically

I hope your teeth of the world

bit down on the umbilical cord

cuz rogue was once your courage

but your courage was defeat

so I hope you had a good time

more specifically

I did not feel the cut, a slice of slighted love

cut my chest in a desperate attempt

at graduating this to a new kind of engagement

overthrow the power imbalance, make it soft

overthrow the obsession, make it last

we will not succeed at all

I do feel nothing

no degradation, no decline

and no succession, and no crime

after all, it was an attempt at true love

but you can never cut out the truth

if the darkness is not immediate enough

if you will not feel that stuff

but my love hasn’t got a name

I stand between two trees

with a razor blade

they go

any way the wind blows

and I, I might throw

caution to the wind;

I am the opposite

I’m engaged

but my face is fading away

I am a rolling stone

I have got no place to stay

I roll

they hatin’

and I might grow

larger than the trees;

I am the warmest breeze

I am your ghost,

I am at ease

when you have less and less to say isn’t that frustrating

you could’ve said hi if I didn’t. and tell me now, would you have said it? or would you have pretended to be the wind? quick and invisible. silent not hysterical. gone before you could see it. forceful so you could only feel it.

I danced on the cord until no one was watching. then I threw off the wind as it latched on to my hunches and I got away.

I’m only good at letting go if I really really like you then, you might come back then, I might do things for slack emotions but then, I might lose your freedom somewhere along the boundaries sorry, sorry, sorry! it was always better not to know me

a simple I miss you would be enough but that would be so hard but that would be so hard to say

time is a flower that loses its petals slowly or flourishes under dire circumstances when your exes have babies and you see it happens slowly you could either call it the gain of beauty or you could just call it the loss of youth and when you dare to grow alone, what words could you even use?

I read a queer girl’s poetry once and you wondered if I like girls. we were fucking good, together, and you thought I wanted to stay forever. the grass was green, though the neighbors had lawns, too, and as neighbors do, they were mowing them. and so I finally saw what was hidden for so long in the high grass behind the neighbors’ bamboo. it was just a secret, I told you, hiding there as secrets do. but actually it was me all along, getting away from you.

how will it go when push comes to shove? will the words erupt from your mouth like a breath held too long? “but I was your friend FIRST” actually, I don’t believe you would fight for anything