"Fishys keep Swimming"

S3lf-h8rm isn’t something people do because they want to self check out, and it’s not something people just “choose” because they’re wrong or broken.

A lot of the time it starts as a way to cope with emotions that feel way too big to sit with. It can snowball into a harmful pattern that feels hard to step out of once your brain links pain with relief or control.

For me, it’s never been about wanting to upgrade to corpse. It’s been about trying to take emotional chaos and turn it into something I can physically understand or control—especially when it feels easier to punish myself than to sit with disappointment, conflict, or letting other people down.

That doesn’t make it healthy. It doesn’t make it safe. And I’m not saying it’s okay.

Reposting this video because it’s one I come back to when my brain gets loud in the worst ways.

This isn’t my story, and I don’t own this video—but it’s one that stuck with me. Hard.

She talks about being at her absolute lowest… telling the paramedics she didn’t want to do this anymore.

And they told her:

“One more time. Just try one more time.”

That line never left me.

So much so that I got it tattooed—

in my grandma and grandpa’s handwriting.

Permanent. Just like the reminder.

Because sometimes that’s all I can manage.

Not forever. Not even tomorrow.

Just… one more time.

If you’re in that headspace too—

this is your “one more time.”