hi, i'm Quicksilver

     lilies in the valley.

caravan palace - aftermath

lavender, i love you.

techno dreams in the color of utopia. the sky painted with pastel and neon. the city lights up, dark in the night. the sound of skateboards and lo-fi hip hop brings light smiles to our faces. 4 legs hang off the rooftop. the taste of vodka on your mouth. the aroma of sex in the air. the feel of your denim on my fingers, my soft hair making a home in your palm. warm, heavy summer air. the roof like a cloud at my back. the feel of your chest on mine. as we fall asleep.

a bold-faced statement of what we were. my heart ate itself inside out. i read the word over and over again. reality collapsed in on itself and was birthed anew, forever until i took my eyes away. i thought you were waiting. waiting for me to make the right decision. i finally did, but that was still wrong. what is right? i cannot give to you that which i give unto myself. perhaps i should walk away before i am roped, rugburns itching tainted and tamed wrists. no, you said.

the heart you left in my hand. good times colored in lavender. my heart in your palm. a dead life covered in blood. my smile splayed across dry lips. awkward, disproportionate, but happy. your laugh, genuine, sincere. a fleeting fantasy of lasting love. who is he? who are you? who am i? who are we?

i want to hold you and have sad sex and happy sex and cuddle and wake up together with sunlight streaming through the windows and get high in the morning and get drunk at night and eat ice cream and go to the movies and tell funny stories and wonder and cry and laugh and think about all that was, all that is, and all that will be.

to master the skies without subverting them. blurred stars call out distant names. wiping away the tears makes them less clear. heavy hands, heavier hearts. drown your sorrows, assert yourself. lungs inhale, the sky exhales. existence is, in itself, an imperfection. but they understand. not the stars. the spaces in between. where each quasar and black hole lives. where pulsars and nebulae breathe. the devil is in the details, the void.

me and me. and me. who would’ve ever thought, eyes red and sullen. who would’ve thought, bottle opener falling off the roof. who could’ve ever known, smooth fingers running through smoother hair. who could’ve known, legs tickled by the breeze. who would’ve ever seen, trees sighing in the heavy july air. who would’ve seen, moon bathing the scene. who could’ve ever been, clothes discarded long ago. who could’ve been, silhouette(s) dancing through the night. me and me. and you.

the arrival of the birds. a blueshift, celestially. novelty spins around entropy. the dance continues. ouroboros. they dance forever. and we were caught in the middle. which were you? altruistic decisions. egocentric entropy. to destroy, maybe. creation holds reign over eternity. actions, consequences. the final flame extinguished. entropy rules yet. novelty born from the ashes. and you thought yourself more clever. a rose, not given in affection. a reminder. rest easy among the stars. think not yourself as a god.

"endless feedback loops create the illusion of consciousness"

:)