love the permanent state of performance that people are engaged in where you HAVE to actively participate in whatever conversations they want, and not doing so is just proof of your "moral failing" like no one ever had personal investment in current events. the news cycle is just a badge of honor for the WASP, never something they could be invested in. primarily because through sheer nature of existence as a WASP they're engaged in a history of prejudice that founds every single pillar of the identity they were born into and operate under.
there is no "good faith" in blind politics portrayed and acted on by faceless people with no bearing on your life, i genuinely believe that at this point in my life. there's a type of person who can never fathom why White exists, or who it actually benefits, or the root mentality in its formation. they'll actually readily employ nazi rhetoric at you, and then lord the holocaust over your head because they just want to manipulate you. "jews aren't white" but also "wasn't the holocaust so bad?" like i don't know motherfucker you're the one that still operates with the same preconceived notions of the people who acted it out, i'm just the one whose family had to live through it.
but people don't care about anything they just care about keeping their options open. honesty is secondary to scoring imaginary points for participation in discussion on the internet. showing up at a protest is good enough now, god forbid you participate in anything meaningful. talk down on the people who have while you're at it, people who have experienced violence for their views and their identities are also secondary characters in whatever grand narrative has set the stage in your life.
no one has "beliefs" or "views" they just have "information" and it is AMAZING to me how 'informed' all of these americans are in an isolated country, on an isolated continent, thousands of miles away from the nearest escalating conflict or environmental catastrophe. it is truly remarkable that in an age of disinformation, heightened propaganda, and the ever increasing presence of federal authorities and state police from various nations online does very little to dissuade people from the belief that they are "informed".
TV made people idiots, the internet made them degenerates. just people who are so blinded by achieving the bare minimum of tech literacy that they'll allow themselves to believe anything they see from that point forward. as if getting on social media meant achieving the zenith of intellectualism, and not doing a thing that people in villages, with smartphones, and no schools can do.
the most anyone in a "political" space can ever hope to achieve in earnest is the ability to fetishize a group that isn't their own. the black culture ambassador who brings you rap music and sports, the noble jew whose suffering enabled you to view god, the brave natives genocided for their land, the indian you dance on a string and blindly consume the media of, regardless of your inability to access the culture behind it. no genuine beliefs or appreciation for real human beings only the vain interactions with "content" online. only propping groups of people up, generalized by their worst experiences or most flamboyant portrayals of celebrity. and each minority they see acquiring success is just another vindication behind the prejudices that they allow themselves to levy against the poorest and most disadvantaged of those groups.
even the average person championing "disability" on websites like this is incapable of fathoming a deeper meaning of disability than whatever their lived experience is. more willing to allow themselves to talk to someone who lies about needing a cane at 20 than they are willing to talk to somebody who has been enrolled in special education at any point in their lives. the same reason autistic people are on average raped more often is the same reason the people on social media want you to think autism is a silly prefix for one to self-assign. because they're raping people who are disabled and "retarded" and they want you to think that there's not actually a group that's targeted for its vulnerability.
anyway it was funny to be here and see how the worst people function around each other but i think friendships people develop here are so tentative and fraught because of how weak the people here are when they form them. an unmoderated website that enables and encourages the behavior of collective responsibility in doling out punishment for the bare minimum crimes of "i don't know" and "i just felt like it". 35 year olds in discord servers in groups of 4 to 5 structuring their posts to try and Really Make It Big (get a bunch of teenagers to look at their shit), "artists" spewing shit and garbage from media they've affixed to their own identities, "writers" who are all so media poisoned you couldn't ask them to generate one paragraph without finding something in it they regurgitated from a tv show or YA book they read 10 years ago.
i would rather hang out with people who were speds. or sent to alternative education. because at least people who had education and equal participation withheld from them will be compelled to develop something in their lives. there's a 32 year old with rich parents i've been watching for the last 2 years post on reddit about how he's SURE he has adhd AND autism and THAT'S why he was able to graduate college, immediately get a job at apple, and then never have a job ever again. he now spends all of his time talking on the behalf of people with intellectual disabilities despite the fact that by his own claims at least twelve doctors have told him he does not have autism or adhd and that he never will because he just, doesn't. so instead he sits at home all day on social media complaining. about skills he doesn't have, about energy he wishes he had, about how he can't even play a video game but he CAN sit there all day looking at porn on twitter. i don't really need to use this website to find people to make fun of, and even if i did it would be entirely meaningless because that isn't the driving force behind my ability to socialize.
anyway: i'm glad i'm disabled, i'm glad that i'm not physically disabled, i love having the perspective that i do on people and the things that they say. i also love that i personally never had to be in special education, because being in places like this makes me earnestly appreciate the people who were. whatever perspective you gain by being a high school graduate that eventualizes themselves into college is entirely valueless to me. whatever perspective you gain by quitting at everything you attempt to interface with, also, is entirely valueless to me. and this is a website of quitters. people who are content with the status quo of hostility until it's directed at them. people who are content with the rigamarole of cycling through content, until they've squeezed every last bit of creativity out of their brain for the grand total sum of maybe $2000 and 500 pictures of fanart for a tv show that stopped airing like 8 years ago.
i did legitimately come here to try and interact with people in earnest and attempt to find friends in a new place but the actual merit of any friendship i could develop here is becoming harder and harder to find everyday. it's a website of people who are all desperate to allow themselves to be talked into bigotry, and almost always because they believe themselves as doing it "in defense of" people who are targeted by bigotry. then, in 5-10 years they wander the earth, a burnt out corpse of a person shambling through their lives, and they croon to you "I used to be bad! I used to be bad!" and then you ask them how they used to be bad. they always picked a group to hate, and hated it. because they think they're doing the right thing. ex-terfs, ex-nazis, they all have the same arguments. defensive, cagey, and what follows after this stage in their life is a resumed participation in the meaningless and reactionary social practices that enabled them back to their point of origin.
the belief that everything you do is really good and actually helping everybody is an impossible one to defend, and your ability to defend it hinges entirely on your willingness to suspend disbelief in yourself. moreover it requires that you outright ignore every single person who talks to you from outside of whatever rigid preformed structure encapsulates your life and the narrative you use to form your opinions (or more often, that other people use for you.)
there is no person in this world without innate bias. fields of theory that purport there are actually many thousands of christs and saints walking the earth—pure of heart and noble in intention—are scams. snake oil philosophies selling you a promised land that can't exist. god didn't put you on earth to give you a really easy time with all your buddies, there is no version of god that is rewarding you for being a human. it's a role of responsibility and active deliberation not a seat to place yourself in while you engage autopilot and wait.
i hope i get dementia before i turn as stupid as the average person with a superficial, singular identity they feel the need to ferry with them from place to place. i hope i die.
