Ow, My Nips!

*interviews a long and increasingly unsuitable line of nannies for my recently motherless child*

*thinks about fatal football injuries* my kids are never playing football *thinks about SIDS* I am never having children

Still thinking about the Scottish guy old enough to be my dad flirting with me at the grocery store last month. What were you doing in upstate New York m’laddie? Why didn’t you rail me into the conveyer belt? Disappointing.

I used to be able to throw myself off the monkey bars and splat into the ground and spring right back up as a kid and now if I laugh slightly too hard I get a pounding headache for three hours what in God’s fuck

DONT 👏 CALL 👏 YOURSELF 👏 A 👏MAN 👏UNLESS 👏 YOU 👏 GOT 👏 THE 👏 CROWN 👏 SAVED 👏THE 👏TOWN 👏 AND 👏 MISTER 👏 KRABS

Mister Collins is basically the Scrappy Doo of Mister Darcy honestly

LOVE that the moral of Nightmare Before Christmas is stay in your lane, bitch.

Chapter three. Chapter three. Angsty shit. Chapter three.

What chapter is this again?

Sorry I forgot 😳