you should see me in a crown

nicola has sensed how marissa has fallen back to her old sleeping habits as she was, both having lots of troubles to put their mind and body to rest after such a long day. yet she has been a little bit calmer, making sure that the other knew she’s always there for her, that she was being taken care of. she’s been more outside of dealing with her bar lately, spending more time at home and sometimes meeting up with clients either through conference calls or meeting up at a restaurant. she’s be more focused on the brunette though, making sure that she won’t slip away again like she did before. she just had gotten off a video call, immediately unbuttoning her shirt as she was entering their bedroom. “good afternoon, my love.” she greets, crawling up to marissa and kissing her forehead. “just a little bit, remembered i had to be on that meeting…yes, you did. and i couldn’t wake you up, you needed some rest…”

-

Marissa still wasn’t used to the fact that when things got hard and tough now, she had someone that wanted to come towards her and work through it together, rather than running away. It was hard to remember that sometimes, hard to reassure her spiralling mind when it was the early hours of the morning. But, Nic always seemed to sense all of this. She couldn’t fault a single thing about the older blonde, and she was head over heels in love with her. Which, ultimately, made all of this 100 times worse. Until they’d had that conversation that still rung through her head about the kiss she’d had with Delilah, how Nic wasn’t bothered by it. How she was encouraging her even to bring the younger blonde back into her life. Of course, a lot of that was silenced as Nic walked into the room unbuttoning her shirt. “Good afternoon...” She breathed out as her eyes scanned down her with a little sleepy smirk. “I’ll never get over you in a suit, god damn...” Riss commented a little breathless. “Hmm, I wonder why that was,” she chuckled as she moved herself into Nic’s arms. “Was the meeting worth getting out of bed so early, hmm?” 

…

leaving marissa all those years ago had been one of the hardest things she had to do. sure, delilah was a runner, always running away when things became too serious between them; but she never intended to leave her for good. she thought she was protecting her. saving her from the life that delilah lived. there were so many secrets of the double life she lived. things she could never open up about. but to know how much she broke her when she left? it hurt. she hated that she did this to her. the only person she ever loved. but there was also a sick part of her that enjoyed knowing that marissa’s love for her and losing her affected her so much. it was an awful thing to thing, but it proved just how much she loved her. at least… back then. 

“i want to make you happy again…” she admitted in a hushed tone. it was about as honest as she has been since they reconnected. delilah shifted closer to marissa, taking her hands in her own as marissa admitted how she felt. “i know it’s confusing. i know i fucked everything up all those years ago but i truly thought i was doing what was best to protect you… i wish i could take it back and just… just tell you what i was dealing with back them.” she looked at marissa, watching her trying to get her words out. “i know it’s going to take a lot for you to trust me again, but… i can’t live without you george.”

-

Marissa took a deep breath, and tried to bury all of her thoughts into the pit of her soul so she could just be in this moment. So she could just feel what it truly felt like to be in the only other place that had ever felt like home other than Nicola’s arms; Delilah’s. She bit her bottom lip a little, almost as if it needed some courage to build up inside her to properly look at the blonde that had once captivated her. That still captivated her. Because, whether it was five years ago, five months ago, or five hours ago, Delilah Daniels would have been on her mind. In one way or another, she had been the only constant in the past decade. Dead or alive. Every other thought, ever other ambition, ever other strong feeling... It had come, and gone, like the waves of the sea. But Delilah was a neverending tide coming in. Maybe it was time to get swept out into her sea. 

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt this time. 

“It should, shouldn’t it?” She replied quietly, taking Delilah’s hand that was holding her own and placing it on her cheek. “It should take me years to trust you again after everything...” Riss’s furrowed brow softened as she looked deep into Delilah’s eyes. “But it won’t-- it hasn’t... I never could say no to you, and-- I won’t ever be happy again if I let you go again...” She pushed her head softly into Delilah’s hand. “I can’t live without you either, Jack...”

…

delilah didn’t know what to expect. for marissa to pull away again? for her to tell her the kiss was a mistake? that she wanted nothing to do with her? all the different scenarios played in her head as she waiting for marissa to speak. but then, they never came. instead, marissa stayed where she was. her voice soft but broken. it wasn’t the angry reaction she was anticipating. the blonde listened, trying to piece together if nicola told her about what happened between them. did she know about the arrangement they made in that back alley while nic was knuckles deep inside her? she couldn’t tell so for now, she would keep it to herself. 

“george…of course you made me happy. there were just… things that made it complicated.” she started, looking at the other woman, trying to catch her eyes. “i don’t care if you’re not the same person you were back them. because i’m not the same delilah you fell in love with.” it wasn’t exactly a lie, she has changed, but how much? she wasn’t so sure. not nearly as much as marissa has changed, that’s for sure. “i’m the one who broke you… let me help put you back together. i don’t want to hurt you again…”

-

She had been angry. She’d been furious about what had happened in the hospital. But, it had been towards herself. It had been thinking about all those stares and comments from the people in her life who would care that she had kissed Delilah again. She could only imagine the lecture Shane would give her, or the disappointed silence she’d recieve from Hayden. They had always seen through the ‘bullshit’ of her relationships with Delilah. As always though, that negativity and hostility towards the situation and towards the blonde disapated quickly. Replaced with quiet contemplations and these long nights trying to understand. She had no idea about what had happened between Delilah and Nicola. Only that they had obviously met, had a discussion themselves about Marissa, and the kiss. 

“I was so fucking happy back then, Jack...” Riss breathed out, shaking her head a little as she finally looked up to Delilah. “Even when you started leaving, even when things got shit and messy and-- it was still the best years of my life.” She could feel her heart drop and break when Delilah said she was the one who broke her. That she wanted to help put her back together. “Sorry, I just-- I’m so confused. I feel so confused, and lost, and I have no idea what to do-- and I can’t stop thinking about you...”

…

delilah never truly understood why there was this pull between her and marissa. no matter how hard she tried to stay away, they always came back to each other. even now, after everything she had done, that same pull was still there. they couldn’t stay away from each other. even after the run in at marissa’s office where she said she hated her. yet she knew behind all of it, marissa loved her just the same as she did ten years ago. and hearing her say it out loud was exactly what she wanted. “i still love you, marissa,” she said quietly, their hands holding each other as marissa sat on the bed. “the entire time i was hiding, all i thought about was you.” she nodded slightly at marissa’s comment. even herself. “this isn’t a lie, george. losing you…. it was like losing myself… all those years away from you. all i wanted was to come out of hiding and find you…” delilah looked up into marissa’s eyes, hoping she could see past all the pain she had caused and believe her. 

-

This wasn’t the first time that Delilah had said all the things Marissa wished she could hear from her. She remembers the day in the park, a few days before Delilah killed herself (or so she thought), where the blonde finally spoke those three words for the first time. In fact, even after a decade she often still finds herself in that dream when she closes her eyes. Riss wondered how often Delilah had dreamt of her in this time, whether she was telling the truth right now. She looked down at their hands, brows furrowing gently as she spent a moment just in how this felt. “I really... I really did lose myself when I lost you, you know...” She said, a brokenness to her tone. “I don’t-- I can’t do it again, I really, really can’t...” Riss repeated herself with the lump in her throat. But, as their eyes joined back together and Marissa let the cracks in her wall start to show she... She couldn’t resist her. She never could. “I’m sorry...” Marissa whispered before leaning down and kissing the person she never thought she’d be able to kiss again. 

…

delilah watched marissa’s face as she took everything in. despite not seeing what she looked like, she was sure the damage on her was pretty extensive considering how much pain she was in. then me definitely did their money’s worth. but god, the way marissa was worrying over her, it brought all those feelings back from the last time they were in this postion. she watched as marissa started to break down over the thought of losing her again and it was exactly what delilah had hoped for. even being away for so long and all the times she ran away from marissa, she truly did love her. all she wanted was to have her for herself. she used her free hand to swipe a thumb under marissa’s eye to catch her tears, stopping to cup her cheek. “i can’t lose you either,” she whispers back to her. “i don’t want to leave you again, george. and i can’t let you get hurt. i will literally kill anyone who tries to hurt you too.” the irony was not lost on her as she said it. but it was the truth.

-

That voice that had been in the back of her mind since the moment she picked up the phone call, telling her to walk away, to leave her in the past... It was gone now. Her breathing kept hitching as she scanned over Delilah’s injuries, some didn’t seem as bad as others but some cut deep and just looked so painful. Marissa had always felt Delilah’s pain for her, perhaps that was why she could never leave her behind. Never forget her. Maybe that was why it was always her... Always. I don’t want to leave you again, George. “I--” She gasped for a breath of air as Delilah’s thumb brushed away some of the tears. “I never s-stopped...” Riss shook her head gently as her brows furrowed. “I never stopped w-waiting for you to-- to come back... I never stopped loving you... Not even for a minute...” Marissa sniffled as she sat on the edge of the bed, one hand holding onto Delilah’s hand that was on her cheek, the other just gripping the fabric of the blonde’s shirt gently. “Even yourself...” She commented quietly, barely above a mutter, at Delilah’s statement of killing for her. “When... When I say I can’t-- I can’t lose you again, Jack, I’m not... I’m not over exaggerating, I can’t... I can’t go through all of that again, it will kill me so I--” Riss swallows thickly and hangs her head a little. “No more fake promises... No more lies... Please...”

Hey, you Good morning I'm sure you're busy now, why else would you ignore me? Or do you need space? You can't help it if your mind has changed

So go ahead and break my heart again Leave me wonderin' why the hell I ever let you in Are you the definition of insanity? Or am I? Oh, it must be nice To love someone who lets you break them twice

…

there was a part of her that wondered if marissa would even show up. the last time they saw each other, marissa was throwing accusations at her. she wouldn’t even blame her if she didn’t come, it was probably the smart thing to do. but she also knew marisssa and she knew the pull they had on each other. she knew that riss still loved her after everything she has done, she can see it in her eyes every time they look at each other. it didn’t matter how much she hurt marissa, they woud always come back. 

but then the door to her room opened and there she was, the only person other than herself that delilah cared about in this world. the next thing she knew, marissa was in her arms, delilah hugging her back. despite it all being a set up, she was in a lot of pain. the men did a good job at that. “george,” she breathed out like a sigh. relishing in the embrace after so long of not being able to have her in her arms, taking in the scent of her hair and the way she felt. 

-

She knew she shouldn’t be here, she knew that everyone would tell her that. But, they didn’t understand. No-one understood it back then; why Marissa would go back to this blonde time and time again no matter how she got hurt. Not even Riss understood it herself, all she knew was that she couldn’t stay away from Delilah Daniels. Not even now. She took a deep, shaky, breath in and she could just feel all those old memories flooding back in. The bad ones, but also the good ones... The way she whispered that nickname made her melt. Tears escaped down her cheeks and she closed her eyes to try and stop them. “I-I’m here... Jack--” She replied quietly, sniffling before pulling away to look at her, eyebrows furrowed with concern. She brused her thumb lightly over one of the bruises on her face, her other hand wiping away a few falling tears as she shook her head softly. “What happened to you...?”

It was like time skipped, because the next thing she knew she was sliding the door open and walking into Delilah’s hosptial room. Her eyes landed on the blonde and... Every single thing came back to her all at once. She couldn’t help it. Her legs had taken her across the room before she’d even thought twice about it, arms had wrapped around her before even a word had come out. “I’m sorry...” Riss whispers into Delilah’s shoulder. 

She wasn’t just scared of losing Nicola; She was scared of losing Marissa, too. Of how this was affecting her right now and how it’ll affect her in the long run. When Nicola was attacked in her apartment, Marissa blamed herself for days. She did everything she could to get new bodyguards, ones who would do a better job at protecting them. How she didn’t sleep until she knew for certain that they could be safe and sound, all the while trying to find solace in a bottle. It terrified her the first time; She was scared how things were going to be this time around. Marissa was fiercely protective over her family, wanting to provide for them all. And when she feels like she was failing, like she hasn’t done enough, then she’ll work herself to the bone to make sure to get things perfectly right. Only this time, it was more challenging: Nicola was asleep, they had no idea when she’d wake up, and all they really can do is sit back and wait. Cleo hated it. She hated seeing how this was affecting everyone. There was so much at stake here and not knowing what could happen next was torture. She couldn’t watch Marissa fall back into such a dark state of mind while also having to watch Nicola be a sleeping beauty. It hurt so much.

She got up, keeping a hold of Nic’s hand while reach out for Riss with her other one. She forced herself to try to laugh at her attempt of a joke, but it sounded more like a cat coughing up a hairball. “At least she ate… I haven’t been able to get her to… H-Have you ate?” Her eyes scanned her face. What she would give to see a smile on those perfect lips and a twinkle in those amber eyes of hers again. What she’d give to hear Nic’s silky voice, taking a sip of her authentic mojito with a smirk on her lips as she looked at them. What she’d give to hold them both in her arms again, to sleep in their bed again while they cuddled. To laugh, to joke, to kiss, to support, to love. Cleo Lopez envisioned a life with the both of them; She couldn’t lose the two. She could see Riss slowly starting to slip away and the blonde tried her best to hold her, to help her hang on. Her face dropped at her words. “I… Wh-What?” she whispered in disbelief. First Nic, now Shane? Two people who mean so much to Marissa? “That’s not a coincidence,” she breathed out. She looked at Nic then back at Riss, eyes wide as her heart pound quickly. “I-It can’t be. One of your current girlfriends, one of your former lovers… I-It’s far too weird to be a coincidence, baby.” As much as she wanted to believe that it could just purely be that, she knew better. Coincidence wasn’t exactly real, from what she’s learned. But then what could it be? “Who… Wh-Who do you think could be doing this? And why?”

Marissa hated hospitals. She loathed them more than anything else she could think of. She had been on the inside of too many, too many times. The hatred for them only got worse when she was admitted to one she couldn’t leave until she recovered from something that had no real recovery timeframe. Reminding herself mentally of that place had been enough to force her to try and stay grounded for the first few days. Even when she was sat opposite Delilah, an encounter she had kept to herself for reasons she didn’t fully understand. But, now Shane was here too? She felt like she was unfolding, unravelling and she was trying hard not to sink in the deep end but the lifeline was fraying. 

She wanted to help Cleo more, she wanted to be there for Dela more. She wanted, more than anything, to be able to find the right words to comfort them. She wished that she could find the right words to snap Nicola out of this slumber. Wished that those fairytales about true loves kiss were real... Riss eventually stopped pacing as sat at the bottom of the bed in the space between the backboard and Nic’s feet. She brought her legs up into her chest, her chin onto her knees and took the younger blonde’s hand. “I think she just needed a little bit of quiet...” Riss sighed softly as her eyes drifted from Cleo’s to their hands. She shook her head, knowing that the other would see right through a white lie anyway, and that that would concern her more. “I tried to I just... It doesn’t feel right when she has to get everything through a fucking tube...” She swallowed quickly, brows furrowing as she sniffed. God, she was exhausted. They all were. 

“She said the Police think it’s a mugging gone wrong but... I don’t know, something just doesn’t feel right about any of this. And I constantly-- feel like I’m being watched... I mean, at first I just, I thought it might be those people from... You know, her past but-- with Shane? I don’t know...” Her eyes glanced to Cleo’s and then gazed off into nothing at the wall behind Nic’s head. She had her gut instinct. Delilah hadn’t left her mind since that talk, and she was swimming in the conspiracy that she knew more than she was letting on. But, she wouldn’t say that. She couldn’t. Even if everyone else was thinking it too. Was anyone else thinking it? No one else really knew her... Not like Riss did. Her eyes flicked down to Nic as she sighed. “She’s crying again...” Riss muttered with a broken voice.

It hurt. Seeing the people she loves more than anything hurting. Nicola was asleep and her waking up is unpredictable; Marissa was blaming herself and Cleo was terrified that this could cause her to go bad again; Cordelia was devastated and wouldn’t eat or talk to anyone, just wanting her mother. Cleo has truly never felt more useless. She kept on praying and giving offerings to the gods, especially to Asclepius while also giving thanks to Poseidon and Amphitrite for not taking Nic’s life. But it didn’t feel enough. She just wished that she could find some way for Nicola to wake up and to be okay, for her family to be together again. Sitting in the chair next to her girlfriend’s bed, holding her hand and softly talking to her, she barely looked up once she felt another’s presence in the room. However, part of her pain was relieved once she saw Riss. “H-Hey,” she croaked out, trying to muster a smile to the best of her abilities. “Minnow’s okay with Sof and Laur?” She couldn’t describe how grateful she was to the Thatchers for helping with their daughter. It meant so much to her to know that she was safe.

CLOSED STARTER: nicola’s hospital room // @queenmarissa​

She couldn’t remember the last time she had been as happy as she was before this. There was really nothing wrong, she had been sleeping, eating, exercising... She’d even not really been drinking all that much; at least, not compared to how she used to be. Still was defintely a problem, but it... It had been good, great even. She had felt like she was on top of the world and now... Now, there didn’t feel like there was anything beneath her feet. She should have known, should have seen how Nic needed someone. She should have felt her get out of bed. All this guilt weighed down on her shoulder and the worst part of it all was she just... Had no idea how to support Dela or Cleo. She didn’t know what to say, how to be, what to do. She was trying, trying not to let her thoughts spiral into madness but... As the days past it was getting harder and harder to keep her grip on everything. Dela hadn’t really said anything to Marissa in the few hours they spent together, nothing aside from finally admitting she was hungry and wanted some food. She’d ordered some takeout, and there was a relief watching the little one finally eat a proper meal even if she herself just picked at her own food before throwing it all away. She managed to get a hug out of the little one before Laurel and Sofia took them in, and there was some comfort in seeing her best friend but... Right now she just felt empty. Angry. Scared.

She popped in to make sure Shane and Donnie were okay, having seen Shane on her way out of the hospital earlier in the afternoon, and then went back to the room. Riss slid inside quietly and tried to give the smile back but it was about as bad as Cleo’s. “Hey...” Her eyes went to Nicola, still sleeping, the machine beeping still ringing in her ears. Everytime she left, she hoped she would come back to a surprise, that the nightmare would be over. It needed to be over soon; she couldn’t do this for all that much longer. Not without breaking. “Mmhmm,” Riss nodded. “I finally got her to eat something, it was crappy takeout food but-- I... Figured it would be better for her than my cooking,” she tried a light humor attempt but her tone made it fall flat. She swallowed as she paced around a little, nippling nervously at her fingernails before finally stopping. “I-- Shane... Shane is here too, er-- downstairs by the ER? She... Apparently she got attacked this morning, she doesn’t remember what happened but I mean... That’s weird, right? I’m not-- this is all weird, right? Nic-- Then Shane... It can’t just be a coicidence... Can it?” 

…

shane pulled herself up so she was sitting up more in the bed, watching as marissa came over and sat down with her. it was almost weird to her how easy it was to see marissa now. she spent so much time loving and pining after marissa that shane never thought she would get to the point where it didn’t hurt to see her. there was a part of her that would always love marissa, but that part has now shifted into loving her as a friend as her heart took in the love of donnie. a smirk pulled on her lips at marissa’s comment, it was nice to have some humor with what was happening. “gee thanks,” she replied rolling her eyes, which ended up hurting her head. “i don’t think i pissed anyone off this time. the police said it may have been a mugging gone wrong. but i don’t remember.” last night was just a foggy blur filled with a killer headache. she nodded slightly when riss asked about donnie, “mhm she’s getting up coffee. i feel like she’s taking it really hard…” the look on donnie’s face when she was able to come to the hospital was heart breaking and shane could tell she felt guilty for not being with her last night. “i wouldn’t mind some company if you have time.” shane reached out a hand towards the other, hoping marissa would take it. she looked exhausted and stressed, seeing shane in here as well as nic probably wasn’t helping. “how’s nic?” she asked quietly, almost scared to hear the response. 

-

It had been a rough start, but Marissa felt like she was finally at a point with Shane that they could really just leave the past in the past. She wished she could say the same about all the other things that happened back then, but she was glad she could rekindle things with her Shane. It was a shame things had ever gotten as messy as they had between them; a shame that there were those years where they didn’t even talk at all. Marissa had missed her friend a lot in those years, even if she hadn’t really been able to think about her most of the time. “You know I’ll always be honest with you, Martis,” she joked with a scoff before furrowing her brow when she explained what happened... Or, didn’t explain. “Kinda--” She cut herself off, because delving into conspiracy wasn’t going to help. At least, saying it outloud wasn’t going to help. She frowned when Shane said Donnie was taking it hard, sighing a little too. “I get that... It’s-- I know all she wanted to do was take care of you, and make sure you were... Okay, you know? I mean, I guess it’s always hard when someone you care about gets hurt but, if you made yourself that promise you’re going to protect them... It’s extra tough, but like-- who would’ve called it, right? Shit happens... And you’re okay,” she took her friends hand and squeezed it lightly. 

She was initally quiet at the question, just nodding a little as she sniffed up and then swallowed. “Er-- she’s... She’s fine,” she nodded, eyes shifting to the floor. “Just sleeping, I guess... I’m sure she’ll wake up any moment now, maybe when I get back she’ll be up, you know?” She was trying to stay positive, but it was kind of bordering on that dangerous path of hers of making up a reality so that she didn’t have to deal with the actual one. “She’s fine...”

…

delilah’s eyes scanned marissa as she joined her at the table. she wondered how much sleep she was getting. she didn’t look her best and delilah wished she choice take care of her. she should be taking care of her. but there were people in her way. they would be next. all she wanted was for marissa to be hers again. but the thing is, marissa was never hers in the first place, delilah made sure of that. always running away when things became too serious. would she run away this time? possibly. she had no control over it at times. it was a problem. 

 there was paranoia in marissa’s eyes as she spoke, her voice dripped with it as she basically accused delilah of doing it. she couldn’t help but feel proud that she was able to figure it out so quickly. marissa was always smart. but that wasn’t what she wanted. she didn’t want marissa to think it was her. she needed to get her off her trail and to rebuild their friendship. if that meant a few casualties, so be it. delilah’s face was calm as she took everything in, no signs of cracking. “you know i’m still on the run, right? i’m supposed to be dead. what better place to do that than in the middle of the ocean?” and that wasn’t a lie. delilah needed to lay low, she used her fake name and passport to get in board, the only people who knew who she really was were connected to marissa. and she was going to keep it that way. shock came over her face as if it was the first time she had heard of what happened. “you’re kidding me. and you think i have something to do with that? god, riss, what kind of monster do you think i am?” she leaned back against the seat, eying her ex lover.

-

Riss still couldn’t believe that she was sat opposite Delilah, that this was real and wasn’t in her head. This whole scenario, brunch spreads and mimosas in a restaurant in Greece— it was like it was handpicked out of a dream. Except this was no dream. This was a nightmare. Yet, for some reason, she still just... Couldn’t help but long out her stare as she looked to the blonde. Doubting herself. Doubting everything. 

Still on the run. That brought her back. “Yeah, well, you do like running so I’m not sure why you’re complaining,” she retorted, then sighed heavily before turning and waving down the waiter and ordering herself a mimosa. Old habits. She bit her bottom lip as Delilah leaned back in her chair. She broke her gaze and looked to one of the random, out of place, cheap artworks on the wall. 

Did she really think Delilah would do it? Her gut was twisting and turning. Telling her to believe it. Telling her it was true. But, she loved this woman... She had loved her. She wasn’t— a monster. “I—“ Riss swallowed and brought her eyes back to the table when the mimosa was put down which she instantly picked up and drank like half of it at once. “I don’t know... I just— I don’t understand why, Delilah. I don’t... I still don’t understand why you left, why you’re back, why you’re so fucking calm all the time and— I don’t know— I don’t know...”.

…

shane was still pretty out of it. after waking up in the hospital, it had taken some time for any of the doctors to get a translator around to explain what happened. all she remembered was walking back to the ship and seeing someone following her. but eventually they explained that she was attacked, someone found them at the right time and called an ambulance. there was nothing seriously wrong with her, just a broken nose and a concussion but they wanted to keep her for the day to make sure everything was okay. donnie had visited her and was currently out getting coffee which left shane alone, laying in the hospital bed trying to piece together if this was a freak accident or something bigger than that. hearing marissa outside the room, shane looked over at her as she came in. “hey,” she greeted with a forced smile. she remembered donnie telling her about nic so it wasn’t so weird to see marissa already here without shane telling anyone else.  “oh you know, just your run of the mill fist to the nose.” leave it to shane to use sarcasm for everything. 

-

Marissa shook her head softly as she let out a long sigh, looking over her old friend in the hosptial bed. Honestly, what was next? Who was next? “I mean, I think it’s a bit of an improvement...” Riss replied with as much a smirk as she could muster up right now as she perched herself on the edge of Shane’s bed. “Who’d you piss off this time, hmm?” Marissa asked, really hoping that there was an answer to that question; that there was a simple explanation for Shane being in the hosptial just days after Nicola ended up here. She glanced to the door and then back to her friend. “Does Donnie know you’re here? You want me to call her up? I mean, I can stay for a while,” she offered, bringing a knee up to her chest as she tried to keep check of her breathing but honestly all she wanted to do was break.