I'm going to be very nice to you right now because i would like this post to be educational, but i do want you to know that this was a really tone deaf and ignorant thing to comment on a TMA nonbinary person's post.
I often see the argument that TME/TMA is a ""false binary"". I get it- as someone who is both intersex and nonbinary, i don't like binaries either!
But this isn't the ""false binary"" you think it is (language which you (collectively) stole from intersex people talking about AGAB). TME/TMA are not identities, they don't mean "transmasc and transfem", and they don't "reduce people to their bodies", the most common misunderstandings i see. These terms ONLY describe your relationship to a particular kind of oppression, and they are both incredibly nuanced and include a lot more people than you think. Let's break it down:
TME: "Transmisogyny Exempt". This term just means you are not the PRIMARY TARGET of transmisogyny. This doesn't mean you LITERALLY have never experienced misdirected transmisogyny before (another point of confusion i see often), but that you are not the INTENDED target of it. This would include almost all people- cis men, cis women, trans men, and nonbinary people who were assigned female at birth, were raised with the expectations of femininity, and underwent feminizing puberty the first time.
TMA: "Transmisogyny Affected". This just means you are the PRIMARY TARGET of transmisogyny. This term is much more specific and includes less people- trans women, transfems, and a lot of nonbinary people who were assigned male at birth, raised with the expectation of masculinity, and underwent masculinizing puberty the first time. Anyone who had to transition AWAY from masculinity.
Now, things DO get more complex with intersex people, that's just true- a lot of us have ambiguous bodies and/or are neither AFAB nor AMAB, had this designation changed early in childhood, or do not look/were not raised in ways consistent with their original gender assignment (hence why AGAB language is unhelpful). This is how i recommend my fellow intersex people understand whether or not they're TMA, and i actually think it applies just about the same to most nonbinary people, so you should evaluate this for yourself:
If you are being faced with transmisogynistic violence, or being excluded from something due to the assumption that you are a trans woman, can you tell them you are not a trans woman, or say or do something to prove you aren't (such as showing them evidence of your AGAB)?
Can you accurately call yourself transfeminine, or a trans woman? Do you have to transition to be viewed as a woman, or fem? Have you previously lived for a long while as a man/masc/boy or otherwise non-woman in a way that would strip you of your safety or right to present as feminine?
Is the transmisogyny truly directed at you, or is it assuming something that isn't true about you or your body?
Would someone else be less safe in this situation?
I think all these questions are really important to address. If you find that you are not, in fact, transmisogyny affected, there's no shame in that! In fact, it's a power! Now that you know you have that power, you can use it to help protect a very vulnerable group of people! Trans women and transfems NEED the help right now. These terms do not divide us- they give us the language to describe our experiences and our relationship with a very insidious kind of oppression, and they can bridge the gap so that we can better understand each other. Isn't that what you want? Solidarity? I'm asking you to PLEASE stop thinking about being the most punished person in the room for a second and understand that your sisters are in a lot of danger lately and you can help them if you choose to. Of course you experience oppression- you experience transphobia, and that's awful in its own right. No one is saying you don't. No one is attempting to label you. We just want you to understand the very basics of intersectionality so you can move with us rather than against us.
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gummygunk
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