chaelin

it’s done pt. 14

a/n: wuhu, the next letter

it’s done masterlist

it’s done pt. 13

a/n: sorry for not updating, was kinda busy 🤧

it’s done masterlist

!1!1!1! THANK YOU !!-!!1!!!

you’re SHERLOCK huhu

but well, Taehyung’s causing a lot of confusion in the AU + left the one or other hurt

omg, no it’s fine, don’t worry!

I hope everything’s fine now :(

don’t stress yourself and always keep in mind that you’re your first priority so do whatever you can to be content with your environment!

if you ever need to vent, I will always offer a helping hand!!

omg, hi!! haven’t heard of you in a while, too, hope you’re doing good!

and thank you hehe, I was busy the last few days therefore I neglected the AU a bit 🤧

jdkakc ah, hii!! haven’t heard of you in awhile!

it’s done pt. 12

a/n: y’all really out here confirming your theories

it’s done masterlist

first, thank you, I’m happy you enjoy the story!

it’s done pt. 11

a/n: JK SPILLING THE TEA

it’s done masterlist

I’m sorry :(

it’s done masterlist

pt. 9 < pt. 11

words: 1370

a/n: y’all better play sad music now, otherwise you won’t get into the vibe of this writing part :p

“You caress the cold stone and wish it would be Taehyung’s warm cheek, his beautiful smile instead of his birth and death date in front of you.”

“What do you mean you’re already on your way?”, Jungkook protests through the phone.

After you have told him you have to go to Taehyung’s grave, he has immediately called you.

You sigh heavily, waiting for the train on this grey day.

The clouds cover the sky but it’s neither windy nor cold.

It reflects your inner self well, you think.

You feel sad but not sad enough to cry or to lose every inch of motivation in you.

Whoever sees you can easily tell you haven’t been in your best shape recently.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook”, you tiredly reply, closing your eyes.

“Oh screw your apology!”, he screams, his anger evident in his voice.

You bite your bottom lip and clench your fists, you can’t come up with another excuse anymore.

“I have to do this on my own”, you murmur, feeling heavy as if each word is a burden.

“You always say you have to do this on your own, but you don’t have to. There are people who want to help you genuinely, they really do”, Jungkook’s voice is serious and you can imagine his fierce eyes.

Eyes which would do everything regarding his best friend’s last wishes, Taehyung’s bucketlist.

You want to talk back but you’re too tired to answer properly. That‘s why you want to keep this call as short as possible.

“Please don’t follow me”, you whisper, hanging up, not giving him the chance to respond.

After this you turn your phone off.

apologize for past mistakes

You think about this over and over again but you don’t understand his words at all.

What mistakes? Why is he a liar?

You don’t get what he means with these words and it’s exhausting you.

There’s nothing more you want than answers, you want to know what he means with everything he wrote.

And again, you try to remember everything you two did together, trying to remember all the mistakes he could have had done but there’s nothing which could have been a bother in order to have such a task on his bucketlist.

Deepened in your thoughts, the way to Taehyung seems shorter than usual, as if time’s way faster today.

Is it just your imagination?

You don’t really know anymore.

Actually you would have enjoyed company but it would have felt wrong if someone joined you.

This task on his bucketlist seems like a private one, something which burdened Taehyung when he was alive, that’s why you came to the conclusion to do this on your own.

However, your mind had to come to one question: what if he didn’t mean you?

What if Taehyung didn’t mean you with the one he loves?

What if you aren’t the one, he wants to apologize to?

What if he actually wanted to end the relationship between you two while seeing the sea with you?

Actually you could imagine him doing so because Taehyung was someone who preferred bittersweet endings, his movie taste always gave him away.

However, he told you going to Bali would be your pre-honeymoon.

Your head aches, you really don’t know anymore and the more you think about it, the heavier your heart feels.

“It sucks, it really sucks”, is repeating in your head in a continuous loop.

The moment you place a foot on the cemetery, you suddenly feel heaviness following you.

The suppressing feeling is always there whenever you are here, as if each of the people laying here need you to carry their will to live.

Trying to distract yourself, you look at the flowers you bought on your way here.

Chrysanthemums.

The meaning of these beautiful flowers couldn’t be more contrasting.

On the one hand, they are an evidence for deep love. On the other hand, they are seen as the courier of death.

You never knew flowers could have such a deep meaning.

“Hopefully he will like them”, is your last thought before arriving at his new place.

Kim Taehyung is written there on cold stone.

You still can’t believe he’s laying here, under you.

Your heart aches, your view gets blurry and you want to leave this place immediately, however you pull yourself together and firstly, put the flowers in front of him.

“Long time no see, huh?”, you whisper.

You haven’t prepared anything to say, you were only aware of the fact that you had to come here.

Suddenly you start to talk, you open your heart for him and only for him:

“I’m sorry for not coming earlier. You have to know that I’m tired. Really tired”, you rather sigh than talk.

“Guess what? I found your bucketlist, each of the tasks are wrapped in a very beautiful envelope. Does this mean you have treasured this list and were really motivated to do each task?”, you show him the envelopes, smiling as if you just gave him a present.

“I’m sorry I invaded your privacy, please forgive me, okay? I didn’t mean to be such a horrible girlfriend. But I will tell you something: I want to fulfill your wishes. Believe me or not, but I already did the first task”, and slowly but surely tears are rolling down your cheeks.

“I saw the sea and it was beautiful. My heart still aches whenever I think about it because you couldn’t witness how beautiful Busan was. It wasn’t Bali, though. Sorry, but I guess I’m not over my fear to fly with a plane. I was in Busan with Jungkook and Jin, Jungkook helped me with the first task. We should thank him, right?”, you stutter in a shaky voice, clenching on the paper in your hand since your heart aches so much.

“Today I’m here because I opened the second envelope. You said you are a liar, but you still love “her”, right? I’m not sure if I’m the one, but if so: I love you as well. You wanted to apologize for past mistakes to “her”, but I couldn’t think of any”, you chuckle lightly, implying he hasn’t done anything wrong when he was beside you.

Your view gets more blurry: “But I forgive you, Taehyung. I don’t care what the mistake was, I don’t mind if you did something wrong or if something else happened, but I forgive you. Don’t worry, I don’t forgive you because you aren’t here anymore. I don’t pity you but I think my love for you is just way too big, therefore I forgive you”, you admit to him with a light smile

“Speaking is hard”, you think.

You’re crying and your sobs suffocate each word you want to tell him.

You don’t know what to do anymore, this feels wrong in your opinion.

However, you can’t come up with anything else anymore, being way too tired to think further, feeling powerless as well.

Suddenly your shivering lips leave the words: “I miss myself”, which leaves you speechless.

Putting the envelopes back in your bag, you go into a kneeling position.

You caress the cold stone and wish it would be Taehyung’s warm cheek, his beautiful smile instead of his birth and death date in front of you.

“I miss myself”, you whisper, although you would like to scream it.

Realizing the person you have become, you do miss your old self, but not only do you miss yourself, you miss him, too, even more than everything else.

“I miss you, your face, your smile, your voice. I miss your presence, I miss you being beside me. I miss my happiness, I miss the person I adore, missing every inch of us both”, you murmur desperately.

On your way home, your eyes are red from crying and your cheeks hurt because of the cold weather.

You don’t dare to talk, knowing how raspy your voice possibly sounds.

That’s why you deepen in your thoughts again.

After visiting Taehyung you became aware of one thing.

You are neither doing the bucketlist for him nor for you.

As you told him, you do miss yourself but you also miss him, however most importantly you miss your relationship.

thank you a lot, I appreciate your concern. :)

I will try my best to countine the story since I really enjot doing it hehe