CHECK @ MMOOSEINPLAID

They said “Thank you.”

Asexuals and Aromantics: *look at each other* 

Gods?

[ July 31 2016 ] I honestly can’t believe it’s already the end of July… where did all the time go? My last bullet journal ran out so I’m using a squared b5 muji notebook for August! I’m excited to use this bcos I don’t have to spend tons of time drawing straight lines HAHHAHA pro-tip: never get a blank notebook.

I’m going on a semi-hiatus starting tomorrow bcos I wanna focus on studying and revising more. I’ve got trials at the end of August.

but y'all I can’t keep this bottled up inside anymore I need to EXPRESS MYSELF

literally not a day goes by that I don’t think “fuck you Sam.” but then I tell myself “NO DON’T THINK THAT. SAM IS GOOD. SAM IS NICE.”

but it’s all a lie. I lie to myself.

I ship wincest but I feel like 99% of it is just fantasy, because I don’t think Sam could ever actually love Dean as much as people write in fics. I read fics where Sam loves Dean unconditionally and puts him first and where he acknowledges everything Dean has ever done for him, but that shit is like an AU tbh.

it conflicts me because sometimes I’m all about the Sam&Dean relationship because of the first few seasons (even tho all Sam wanted to do was leave and go back to Stanford) 

but then I remembered how he never looked for Dean after Purgatory, literally sat around and went to farmer’s markets and shit and had a JOLLY good time, spent the entirety of season 9 telling Dean he wishes they weren’t brothers and telling Dean what a terrible selfish person he is, knowing full well the kind of deep seated self esteem issues Dean has with himself, and that his happiest memories were AWAY from his family and away from Dean, and how he breaks his heart over and over again, takes but never gives, never says thank you to Dean for literally dedicating his entire life to him since they were small children and always putting him before everything else, and oh there’s that one time Dean fucking came back from the grave and found Sam literally chillin out maxin ordering a pizza with a half naked girl at his crib like lmao what the fuck Sam. no grief to be seen anywhere.

 if someone were to make a list of all the things Dean has ever sacrificed for Sam’s well being and happiness it’d be like

but if there was a list of things Sam sacrificed for Dean….

For starters, THIS whole thing… I don’t even know where to begin because there’s so much bullshit here, I can’t function.

but then I remembered how he never looked for Dean after Purgatory, literally sat around and went to farmer’s markets and shit and had a JOLLY good time, spent the entirety of season 9 telling Dean he wishes they weren’t brothers and telling Dean what a terrible selfish person he is, knowing full well the kind of deep seated self esteem issues Dean has with himself, and that his happiest memories were AWAY from his family and away from Dean, and how he breaks his heart over and over again, takes but never gives, never says thank you to Dean for literally dedicating his entire life to him since they were small children and always putting him before everything else, and oh there’s that one time Dean fucking came back from the grave and found Sam literally chillin out maxin ordering a pizza with a half naked girl at his crib like lmao what the fuck Sam. no grief to be seen anywhere.

a) Sam thought his brother was dead. Capish? If you paid any attention to season 7, you would see that just a few episodes prior to Dean going to Purgatory, Sam was in a mental hospital with Lucifer IN HIS FUCKING HEAD AND WAS DYING. Read me here? Okay.

b) WHY was Sam in the mental hospital to begin with? Because Cas broke his fucking head in the season 6 finale, but wait there’s more.

c) Why did Sam take on his hell memories in the season 6 finale? Because, and I quote him: “I’m not leaving my brother alone out there.”

d) It’s pretty damn obvious that Sam had a choice to make in season 8: He thought his brother was dead, so either pull him out of Heaven, where he thought he was, or try and kill himself bringing him back. After all, they agreed w/ Bobby’s words: When it’s your time, GO, at the end of season 7. Do you remember Sam’s surprise in the season 8 premiere when Dean found him? How shocked he was? Yeah, try again, sweetheart. Also, what did Sam do when he found out Dean really was alive? He left Amelia to go and be with his brother. As in, he left a normal life, a life that he CRAVED, to be with his brother.

e) Sam NEVER said he “wished they weren’t brothers” to Dean. He had literally just found out 2 episodes prior that he had an angel stuffed inside of him w/o his knowledge and Dean allowed it and lied to him about it. Granted, it was a tricky situation, and Dean did not want to do it, he tried to talk Gadreel into letting him tell Sam the truth, but he still did it. Sam’s body has been used against his will more times then I can count; he’s been used and abused all the way back in season 1. So knowing that Dean did this to him willingly…Sam has all the right to be pissed; yet, he never said he didn’t love Dean, he never said that he didn’t want to be brothers; he basically said, “We can work together, but if you want to be brothers, things have to change.” Moving on.

f) Are you really bringing up Sam’s memories from Dark Side of the Moon?! Because if my memory serves me correctly, it has been confirmed by Jared himself that those memories where manipulated by Zachariah. You know, that angel who tried to get the boys to say Yes in all of season 5?

g) “Never says thank you”?! You’re shitting me, right? I’m not even going to touch this one w/ a 10-foot pole, because not only does Sam thank Dean often, but he also apologizes to him even when he doesn’t have to.

h) Okay, that last one… 4x01 when Dean came back from the grave… You’re pulling my leg aren’t you? SERIOUSLY?! Did you even WATCH the flashbacks in season 4 w/ Sam and Ruby? (Oh SHOCK, that WAS Ruby in Sam’s room! OMG, I forgot, Sam and Ruby had had sex while Dean was in hell! Ruby was manipulating him the entire time!) Or did you just skip season 4 and the entire section where Sam did this:

And no crossroads demon would deal with him. SAM WAS WILLING TO KILL HIMSELF!! Sam was willing to kill himself in season 8 too, when he took on the fucking trials so that DEAN wouldn’t have to!

And since I’m showing you gifs as proof, and since I’m far from happy right now with you and I’m exhausted, here, have this.

Look, Dean might do a lot of the HUGE saving, when it comes to the brothers: Selling his soul, etc, and he might do a lot of the saving during MOTW episodes, but remember this. SAM saves in Dean in different ways: Yes, he saves his life too, but he believes in Dean and never gives up on Dean when nobody else does, when others give up on him. Sam NEVER does. He always knows that in the end, Dean will do the right thing. Sam is willing to make just as much sacrifices as his brother, and he has paid for that too, in more ways then one. The show is shown from Dean’s POV most of the time, but that doesn’t mean that they never show Sam’s and Sam saving his brother.

Remember season 10? Remember how Sam went above and beyond to get rid of the Mark? Remember how he was willing to LET DEAN KILL HIM IF IT MEANT SAVING HIM?

Because I sure do. I remember all of that. 

And before you get on your high and mighty again, OP, remember this too: Dean is far from innocent. He has said and done nasty things to his brother w/o apologizing. Both brothers have had their fair share of doing horrible things. Just like what Dean said in the season 11 finale.

And if there’s any more doubt that Sam LOVES his brother, just as much as DEAN loves his brother, here’s one more for you, in case you forgot it.