~komaeda disease~

i know it unlikely (and nigh impossible) that i will make money from writing, especially considering i can barely get myself to write anyway, but no career sounds fulfilling to me. i want to tell stories, but that won’t make me money. getting a “real” career makes me feel depressed, because life makes me feel depressed. the only way i battle it is through writing and enjoying media.

fuck i feel like such a horrible person because i supported these people and spent a lot of money on this thing. turns out they would sexualize children and i just never noticed it

everything is the same.

im such a freak. everyone sees me and thinks i’m weird. i’m always the outlier, im always going to be thought of as weird and i wish nobody would ever think of me again. i want to be dead so i don’t have to be seen or judged by anyone ever again. my own family thinks i’m a fucking freak. i hate myself so much and i can’t make friends because i hate myself so much and i don’t even want to exist

i

i feel lost. like i am in an endless dark ocean, forever sinking deeper into the depths. unable to see myself. see life. see purpose. i am sinking. i am lonely. it’s dark in this boundless corner and i am so lost.

i can’t sleep and my legs keep twitching and i have to write an essay tomorrow but i haven’t even finished reading beowulf yet fuckfuckfuck

i’m so worried i come off as annoying or selfish or that i take advantage of people and yet i feel so awful that i feel like people are taking advantage of me like. pick a side brain