telltales

so there's this girl, i am starting to hate. i don't know why. when i see her, i just despise her. but when she talks to me i forget about it because she is actually my friend. i don't know. she has a lot of pictures with this new guy i'm starting to like. but actually, there are two guys i'm starting to like, none of which will actually like me back. i'm liking them just for the fun of having someone to stalk. (not the serious stalking). well, maybe not hate. just annoyed. 

yep, it is finally gone. i don't even like him anymore. he's just my old classmate. so, right now maybe i'll stop searching because they say just right when you stop looking for love, it comes to you. :)

my legs are wobbly. yes they are, and i did it to them by myself. i had to. but it was worth it. i was in high spirits when i was doing it. i got what i wanted but best of all i got everything went according to what i imagined. i understand it is quite selfish and greedy of me considering that she is also my friend but she's just so annoying, you know? im tired and i'm happy. so happy. haaaaappy... 

my most favorite topic. i actually made this blog because of it. i told too much lies that i can't tell anyone the truth anymore. and sometimes it's so hard to keep that one day you just might make a mistake of telling it to anybody. i tell lies but i don't want anyone to lie to me. it doesn't make sense right? this is one proof that the world just isn't fair. starting with me.

ok. fine. it's been nagging me. i am so bored i want to have a boyfriend already. but i don't want to go look. i also don't want it to be just anybody. i specifically want it to be him. so there's no use right? because i do know i can never have him. i just don't understand myself nowadays. how am i supposed to get by when the only person i trust now is breaking down? which is actually me. it all comes down to me, myself and i. selfish bitch.

so that movie really got me thinking. now, i'm so afraid of marriage. the idea itself is so freaking creepy. well yes, i'd like romance and that doesn't mean i'd like premarital sex but sealing yourself to somebody forever just scares me. what if you tire of each other? what if you find yourself unhappy and you can't leave anymore. even though there's something they call a divorce it always has consequences. life after that would be so much different. and when you find the right guy at that time, you won't be so sure if you're still yourself anymore. i am completely over thinking things right now. oh man. 

this song is from "love actually". after less than twenty minutes of seeing the movie, i actually want to watch it again. :)