𝔀𝓪𝓴𝓮 / 𝕞𝕖

since the morning , ryder had these butterflies in his stomach , the type he only felt once -- when he dropped his album . it was a feeling he was a stranger to , despite having felt it exactly a month ago . he was used to feeling nothing when it came to events or music that he was involved in . yet , after putting an album he was actually proud of , everything that came as a result of it felt like an accomplishment . something he could finally be proud of .

walking down the red carpet , he focused on posing and doing some interviews , most asked about his inspiration for his music , an inspiration that he thought was rather obvious to everyone around him . she stood there , beautiful as ever . realizing if it weren't for her , he wouldn't be there . instead , he'd be stuck in the studio , trying to get something out of himself . yet as soon as she came back into his life , she brought it all out of him . " i think the inspiration is quite obvious . " he answers to the interviewer , finally looking at her , as he smiles . " we all have that one person in our lives that makes you want to change all of your ways , you know ? " is the most he can say , leaving room for interpretation if they're still unsure of his inspiration .

and even though she was his inspiration , a part of ryder wished they'd asked him more about him , and the process of writing , rather than try to get into his relationship .

he makes his way inside the hall , and for the first time in a long time , there's no sense of insecurity in sight . if anything , he's certain . he's certain that he's in the right place , surrounded by the right people . he's certain that everything that had happened , brought him to where he's supposed to be . he was grateful . he was genuinely happy with his music for once .

yet the questions and the interviews on the carpet still rang in his ears . was his music really as good as his relationship ? did everyone listen to it and to what he had to say , or did everything get lost in translation with this brand new relationship ? were everyone just looking for clues in his music regarding his relationship , or did people listen carefully and realize he's more than what the tabloids make him to be ? he had hoped they listened . he had hoped his music was seen for what it was -- art . or else , he'd feel like the phoniest man in the room .

they say mixing business with pleasure could be the worst thing one could do for their relationship .

but how could it be , when this person is the only one that inspires you ? how could it be a mistake when what made ryder write , was their little collab to begin with ?

he's sitting in his seat and looking to his right . the empty seat on his right has her name and picture in bold , a slight feeling of pride as he hears her name being announced as the next performer . his eyes light up , he doesn't remember ever being this excited or this proud of her . usually he'd run to the other corner of the room , trying to keep his distance from her , scared that if he gets too close , his feelings might get expose . but now ? now he has his feelings on his sleeve , and it's noticeable . no one can be blind to the way he looks at her as she gets on stage . no one is blind to the way he would always clap the hardest for her .

and he feels the eyes on him . he's felt it ever since they made their relationship official . he saw the fans , the tweets and the tiktoks . everyone making their own assumptions of who he is , of what led him and bristol to where they were , like anyone had a clue . nobody in this room really had a clue . hell , nobody besides the two of them had a clue . he hated it , he hated the way everyone thought they had the privilege to take part in their relationship . in something that was supposed to be sacred just for the both of them .

so he tries to keep his eyes on her , mesmerized by the performance she had put on . one that only she could come up with .

the ride to the hospital was quiet , really . louis couldn't stop worrying about the female . he couldn't stop thinking about what had caused this ? she was a professional , how does something like that just happens ? this isn't fast and furious , this is real life and alabama wasn't one to just be reckless with her driving . with anything , really . she was the most calculated person louis had met . something had to have happened to make her crash . something had to trigger it , and it drove him insane that he couldn't be there for her . it drove him insane that he had to rely on whatever was written in the tabloids to know or assume what could have happened . he thought of all of the things they have yet to do . he thought about the dates he had planned for them , about the races he had planned to go to , and about the spot he’s already saved her at every home game . he wasn’t ready for all of it to be taken away . it’s not the time .

he looked at his friend , eyes saying words he can't , as they pulled up to the hospital . the hockey player almost immediately stepped out of the car , running into the hospital , trying to see if he can spot familiar faces . but he couldn't his vision was blurry , his hear was racing . " where is she ? " he held the first nurse he saw by her shoulders . " elena alabama messi . where in the bloody hell is she ? " nearly screaming at the nurse as he's shaking her , he could see the fear and confusion in her eyes . she had no idea what or who he was talking about . she wasn't going to help him , so he moved her to the side and ran to the front desk . hoping they would be able to help him a little more .

" pardon me , " he says , voice is shaking as he rests his elbows on the front desk , his head is in between his palms . " elena alabama messi . can you tell me where she is ? " he asks , trying to keep his cool , while deep inside he wants to scream at the world . he didn't know what her condition was yet , but he was picturing the worst . in his mind , he had already lost her , and that wasn't something he was willing to believe . the receptionist tells him the room number followed by " but only family can visit , " but he doesn't care . he runs through the doors , looking all over for he room , knowing there's possibly no one in the world that can stop him right now .

he sees the room number as he's slowly approaching , taking a deep breath before he walks in . he sees ryan sitting by her bed , but he doesn't care . this wasn't the time to fight about who's dick was bigger . so he only gives him a light glance before he see alabama , laying on the bed with her eyes closed . " bam ... " he says softly , voice nearly cracking as he walks faster towards her bed , his hand immediately holding hers . he never held onto anyone's hand like he held onto hers . " i am so sorry , bama . " he drops to his knees for a second , his hand still holding hers . " i am so sorry . " he doesn't even know what he's apologizing for , this wasn't his fault , but for some reason it feels like he has part in her current condition .

he feels his eyes watering as he rests his forehead on her arm , knowing if she were awake she would have given him so much shit for crying . but he couldn't help it , she was the only person he cared for right now , and seeing her like that made him realize how fragile life is . how things can be a certain way one day , and then this thing can be taken away from you the next day . he gets back on his feet , taking her in . she was still just as beautiful and peaceful as she always was , even though she would say she's anything but peaceful . a rather faint smile on his lips as he moves a hair away from her face .

" how it possible that you're still so beautiful , even when you're unconscious ? " he tries to joke as his voice cracks , but nothing is funny right now . nothing makes sense right now . why was she in that bed ? it's not right . " god alabama . you have to wake up . i can't ... " he pauses as he wipes his eyes from the tears . " i can't imagine life without you . i can't imagine anything without you by my side . " the male has never felt more raw and fragile in his life . she was everything to him , and he wasn't ready to lose his everything . not unless it was her decision to walk out of his life .

she hears the orchestra playing as she stands on the edge , before the big jump . she takes one last big breath and jumps right onto the mattress that was at the bottom . as soon as she lands , a big sigh of relief as well as a smile appears on her face . she did it . she really did it . not too long after her , the prince jumps as well , as this grand gesture of love to odette . in her head , mila wishes someone was ever going to love her like the prince loved odette . she waits down there and helps him up , hugging him tight . " we did it . " she says in his ear . " yeah , we did . " he agrees with her , but there is no smile on his features . " you were too distracted . you should have been softer with your pointe . " his words hurt , like daggers . even though he was right . at some point , you could hear her shoes touching the vinyl floor on stage , creating a click sound that was not supposed to be there . she was supposed to make no sound . she was supposed to be as light as a feather , and she wasn't .

she thought about what he had just said , and that made her think of monroe , and how mad she is that he missed her closing night . was he that self centered ? she thought about brooks and the moment she saw he got up and disappeared . did something happen ? maybe he realized he couldn't care less about ballet and he was really just there to try and be supportive ?

however , the sound of the applause abruptly distracted her , and that was her cue to run quickly to bow . she walked out with the prince , who had just criticized her . she looked at him , and she had to soften her facial expression . she couldn't seem like she was mad at him . and so she did , she softened her expression , just for the crowd , even though on the inside she wanted to strangle him and force him to wear her pointe shoes . she bowed once . then came the conductor with a bouquet of flowers , and she wasn't sure if it was her mom that brought the flowers or just from the team .

she walked back to behind the curtains , waiting for the second round of applause , knowing she'd have to do it all over again . going out again , bowing and listening to the applause , taking it all in while all she could think about was the amount of times her pointe shoes made a noise as they hit the vinyl floor . maybe taking a year off would be a good decision , she thought . but maybe it will also make things worse . maybe she should keep working on being softer on stage . maybe that would be the right decision . she watched the curtains close , knowing this isn't the last round of applause .

von rothbart bowed , and then she walked out with the prince . she looked at the front row , where her mom , brooks and maya were sitting . she saw their eyes and how they were looking at her with so much admiration . she saw them clapping harder than anyone else had ever clapped for her . she looked at them as if they were going to give her the answer , to whether she should take a year off or not , hoping maybe one of them can read her mind and tell her what to do . hoping neither of them saw how uneasy she was during the dance . hoping they would all still be there for every opening and closing night , even if she decides to not take the time off . she was hoping they would all still support her , even if she ends up making the wrong decision and regretting the decision she had made . she had hoped they would just be there for her , day and night , as she's realizing she needs it now more than ever .

swirling whatever was left in his cup , louis started thinking of the championship and how his mind was anywhere but in the game . he thought of the mess he found himself in , with both stacey and alabama . but mostly alabama .

he put any thought of his love life aside for a moment , as the thoughts of the championship took over . he hated that they lost and a part of him took the blame for it . he should have done better . he should have trained harder . but instead of training this summer ? he decided to run away , as if that would actually change something . as if running away could make him a better player . and add to that the fact that him and keanu aren't really on the best of terms … did he even have a reason to go back and play anymore ? was all louis could think at this point . he wasn't sure how he ended up thinking such a thing , but his motivation for hockey was down . down bad .

he took a sip and finished his beer , before he waved at the bartender , asking her for a refill . he wasn't sure what his limit was anymore . all he wanted was to stop thinking of what he could have done differently . all he wanted was to feel whole and happy again .

but as soon as the bartender took his glass , louis' thoughts immediately trailed back to the two girl who were in his mind 24/7 until not too long ago . he knew things have hit rock bottom with stacey , and he knew it was for the better . she deserved someone who would only have eyes for her and he … he wasn't that . he did feel something for her , whether she believed him or not . but the problem wasn't what he felt for her , but rather what he felt for somebody else while also developing feelings for her . he never thought he would end up in a scenario like this , nor did he ever think he would hurt two girls at once .

he hated it . he hated the guy he turned into . he hated the fact that he got himself involved in so much drama that not only did it affect his performing skills at his games , but it also affected him emotionally . louis never had a problem with expressing his emotions until he got himself in a rather sticky situation .

a rather fake smile appeared on his face as he grabbed his beer from the bartender , only for him to drown into more thoughts . " is everything okay ? " the bartender asked with a rather thick accent . " yes , i'm just thinking . " louis answered before taking a sip . he wasn't going to tell his bartender all about his messy life , and how he had found out earlier today that the girl he fancied was possibly in love with someone else . he wasn't going to tell him about how , in two months , he managed to feel his heart breaking twice -- once when he had to cut things off with stacey , and another when he found out the nature of the relationship of alabama and ryan .

and while he reacted quite calmly and maturely about alabama and ryan , he wished he hadn't . he wished he had let his feelings come out properly , as the more he kept talking to alabama , and the more time has passed , the more lost he started to feel . he didn't want to lose her , which is why he said he will give her time , but that time wad only making him drift away and take a step back , as he felt uncertain . he realized he has yet processed his feelings about the whole scenario , but knowing that in someway he had to compete ( even if it was only in his head ) with somebody else , only caused him to close off more .

actually , it wasn't even the fact of her possibly loving somebody over him the made him close off , it was the fact that he had put his heart and soul into too many things this year that he was just tired . he was tired of giving his heart away only for it to be broken or for him to be disappointed in himself . he was tired of feeling like he wasn't good in anything anymore .

he was hoping that this euro trip will help him figure out how to be a better version of himself . but if it helped him figure anything out , it's that the man was an emotional mess and maybe it was time for him to let everything out instead of keeping it close to his heart .

giselle was born in 1984 in nashville , tennessee . she's the youngest of 4 kids . ever since she was young , her parents recognized the talent she has in acting . considering they weren't a very wealthy family , they saw this as an opportunity to earn some more money as well put their daughter's skills to use .

so she started out in barney & the backyard in los angeles , which quickly turned into her acting in full house . when she grew older she joined all that and from there , her rise to stardom was quick .

she quickly became america's sweetheart and everybody's favorite teen actress . a part of her loved it , but the other part -- just wanted to have a normal childhood . she didn't even realize what she had missed on , considering all of her friends were in the industry .

due to that , at around the age of 18 , giselle started rebelling in the only way a child star can rebel -- she started going out with the wrong crowds doing things like partying and staying out all night with people who were known to be bad . the paparazzi and the tabloids LOVED it though , as they had a new story about giselle armstrong every single week .

the biggest story yet was when she found out she was pregnant after a one night stand . it was all over the tabloids and sent giselle into hiding until she gave birth . she wasn't ashamed of being pregnant at a young age , but she was very much trying to deal with all of mixed emotions she had due to her pregnancy .

she spent the year away from the public eye , but her comeback to the public eye was just as quick . she met jackson around the age of twnety , and she immediately fell in love . all she ever wanted was a family , and jackson gave her that comfort . although he was married , that didn't stop her from being all head over heels for him , and thankfully his marriage ended not too long after .

the breakup led to their marriage , which was also pretty short lived . giselle had a hard time keeping up with his moods , as well as trying to raise a daughter . she felt more alone than in a marriage , and that took a toll on her . a year later she ended up handing him divorce papers , hoping the next person in her life would help her.

giselle kept booking roles , and kept making appearances both on tv and on the big screen , and she quickly became one of america's most favorite working mom . to many people she seemed a super-mom , wonder woman type of girl . while truly , behind close doors , she was falling apart .

she barely had the time to be with her daughter , she was on set nearly 24/7 , while her daughter was with nannies . giselle felt so guilty , but she didn't know anything other than working as she worked and acted since she was a child . she loved her daughter , but she wasn't able to give her the love she deserved .

it wasn't until she started doing the real housewives of beverly hills that she really got to put her daughter first and drop everything related to acting . she's been trying to fix their relationship , but it has been harder than ever , considering she has spent so much time away from her .

call out my name : heavily based off of the relationship selena and the weeknd had . jayden fell in love too quick , and was willing to give this girl basically anything she would want or need . however , this girl was going through a breakup with her ex , and it was obvious jayden was just a rebound . well , it was obvious to everyone by jayden . their whirlwind of a relationship ended quite quickly and jayden realized he had been played once she got back together with her ex shortly after their relationship ended .

moth to a flame : heavily based off of the relationship bella hadid and the weeknd had . they were each other's first or most intense love . they were on and off for YEARS , but they were never able to stay away from each other . they were definitely toxic to a fault . when they decided to cut things off completely , it took them a while to stop talking , and even though she was dating somebody else , she definitely kept hitting him up when she was in need . probably because he knew her better than most .

in 1995 jayden datt was born . his mom , marva hailu raised him as an only child , considering her and his dad broke up a little after she gave birth . considering she was an immigrant , she had to work very hard to give jayden a good life . she was a teacher in his school , but that wasn't paying well enough . she started working at a bar as well , making sure jayden can be as comfortable as possible .

growing up and having to see his mother working so hard was admirable , yet made jayden feel like he shouldn't be asking for much . his mom was overworked and tired , and that only pushed jayden further more into wanting to make it big in the outside world -- so he can help his mom and make sure she's never worried about putting food on the table , ever again .

he started playing with the idea of writing music when he was about 15 . he worked at a local music store , sometimes even instead of going to school . he did whatever he can to save some money , so when he was 17 he was able to move to los angeles . and so he did . he moved at the age of 17 , not sure how he will make it .

he started posting his songs to youtube and soundcloud under the stage name the weeknd . his rise to fame was quicker than he expected . he wasn't sure what he should do , so he just kept posting songs under a name without showing his face . that was until he was about twenty three . he realized it was time for him to claim what he deserves , and that was the love the fans gave him .

since then , he's been writing and releasing a lot of music , producing music for others , and most importantly -- taking care of his mom . although not many people know that about him and his life , his mom is everything to him .

personality :

jayden is a very sexual person ( the weeknd after all ) . he doesn't get attached that easily .

he doesn't like to talk about himself much , but will open up to very few people in his life .

vertigo : this person had khai on a chokehold for the longest time . although khai won't give just anyone the time of day , this specific person was different . that person was someone khai was willing to completely open up to , yet this person wouldn't do the same . your muse , for whatever reason kept playing hot and cold with khai , and girlie was not having that .

astronaut : this person is someone khai used to be close with , but for some reason this person decided to go around and change , but khai knows them for who they are . whether it was just platonic or deeper than that is up to us !

moonlit floor : a casual hookup that isn't just your usual chill hookup . these two have a lot of chemistry between them and although khai wouldn't admit it , his touch makes her feel things she hasn't felt in a long time . she would never admit to him or to anyone that she actually likes him , though . it is something that she is trying to ignore .

when i'm with you : this is someone her surroundings dislikes . could be an old ex or a current hook up , but this guy is someone khai can't seem to get enough of . her friends hate him , her brothers hate him , truthfully she couldn't have gone for someone worse for her . yet , she seems to only see the best in him .

walk : these two have a stronger bond than anything else . although they may not be the bestest of friends , and they won't always talk to each other , they will always be there for one another when they call . khai would drop anything for that person if they ever called her and vice versa .

taken connections .

anything - taken by nicky lafayette : khai never loved someone as much as she loved him . in her eyes , they were end game and there's nothing she wasn't gonna do for him . however , something always felt off , and she always felt like there was something he wasn't telling her . she knew she was never really his as long as he kept secrets from her , and she just couldn't shake this feeling off .

spice girls girl squad - taken by jade zhao , alabama messi , ophelia evans , iskra vidak : these are her girlies , her ride or die . she would do anything for any of them and would truly give them all of her just so they could be happy .

khai pham is the youngest child oh the pham clan . being the youngest sister while having two brothers was sure quite the thrill when they were younger . being born to rather famous people meant their life was never boring , and they were always expected to be at their best behavior . her dad , johnathan pham , a big time british banker with vietnamese origin , and her mom , charlotte pham ( nee bunduck ) , a big time british model , were known all over the world . it didn't matter where the pham family went to , they were always treated like royalty .

although being born in london , england . the pham clan moved to new york when khai was only four years old . her dad opened a new branch of his bank in new york and that was their new place of residence .

for the first ten years , new york was wonderful . the family loved it and loved traveling around the us as well as neighboring countries . however , at some point , thing started to shift for the worst .

johnathan , who was a rather noble man , found a new hobby -- gambling . he slowly started to lose money . at first , it went by unnoticed . the money he lost didn't matter that much , it was dimes compared to the amounts of money that he was making . that led him to gambling more , using larger amounts of money , thinking this will go unnoticed as well .

however , not only did it not go unnoticed , but the feds were on him for that as well . so at the age of sixteen , khai had to watch her father being arrested for participating in illegal gambling . that took a toll on the pham family . from a happy family , the became a broken family that focuses on picking up the broken pieces . the oldest son of the clan had to take over the family business and became the ceo of the banking company , while khai found herself hiding in her room most days .

she always had a talent for singing and always loved writing , but it wasn't until then that she really took her love for music to the next level . she started writing songs and recording herself on youtube , releasing some of these songs for the world to see .

it took her just a couple of months before some record label offered her an opportunity to be signed to them and release her songs under their label , and she agreed . it was nearly a dream come true !

at the age of eighteen she moved to la so she can fully pursue her music career , but that was also when she found out how horrible music labels can be . they barely let her put out the songs she actually loved , nor did they let her write her own songs . they brought producers and writers and basically did everything for her . khai did everything she could to prevent from her album to come out , causing the label to drop her .

she kept releasing her music on her youtube channel , hoping she will earn enough money to use that to release her albums independently , as she did not want to depend on her family's money .

eventually , she did release her first two albums independently and is currently working on starting her own label , with the best producers , so no one can be scammed like she was .

personality :

khai is a loyal friend , but can be very blunt . she will give you her heart and soul if you're honest with her . however , if she caught you on a lie , you will not be in her life anymore .

she's very loving and kind to anyone around her unless you're a man . she's truly a maneater

she believes honesty is the best policy and lives by that

sally , when the wine runs out : this is a girl elijah truly had feelings for , but she did to him what he usually does to others -- made him fear of the moment she walks out . she was fun , she seemed like a good time , she truly captivated the snake that was elijah . he never truly felt that type of way though , so it frightened him to the point where he did everything in his power to keep her around .

not a fan : this is someone elijah is closed with . whether they're just friends or more is up to us , but basically that's someone elijah kept around for no apparent reason , considering he really can't stand the other . they seemed fun , but the more elijah got to know that person , the more he realized he doesn't really like that person .

slut era interlude : this is a girl elijah is really just keeping around so he doesn't have to be lonely . he has no feeling for her whatsoever , she's just convenient when he's lonely .

so far gone : this is an ex childhood friend who used to be very close to elijah , but he couldn't deal with the constant criticism this friend gave him . he's an egotistical prick , so any kind of criticism hurts his ego and shatters him . this friend was way too honest way too quickly and that threw elijah off . although this person knows elijah and his family well , elijah had no issues cutting this person off .

compromise : this is someone elijah thinks extremely highly of . he thinks they deserve the world . that person is somewhat like a sibling to him and he really can't see himself without this person in his life .

taken connections :

look at that woman - taken by farrah osmond : elijah rarely ever feels guilty , yet that woman sure made him feel guilty for hurting her . although it was all fun and games for him , seeing her hurt does spike guilt in him every single time he sees she's hurt by him .

scumbag - taken by sabrena shafai : this is one of elijah's favortie people . although he's a horrible person , sabrena is the only person who sees past his mistakes and sticks by him even when he's in the wrong .

THREE EMPTY WORDS : this is someone that louis dated for quite some time ( probably after his relationship with felicity ) . everything was great and it felt good , but it wasn’t …. it . louis felt like she was good and made him happy , but every time he said the three words ‘ i love you ‘ , he felt like he was lying straight to her face . so he decided to break up with her by telling her he just didn’t have the time , while truly he just couldn’t love her .

stitches : that's someone who truly hurt louis for whatever reason . it's someone that louis had considered as a close friend yet that person completely disappointed louis and hurt him deeply . the reason as to what happened is up to us !

call my friends : theses are louis' childhood friends . although they are both in different places in life , these are the people he trusts and misses the most when he's on the ice . they know him like no other .

fallin' all in you : this was possibly the first girl he fell for after his relationship with felicity . he had a rather good time with her , yet his feelings got in the way . whether they agreed it was just casual or not is up to us , but louis absolutely fell for her and a hard time letting her go .

taken connections :

bad reputation - taken by stacey ortiz : louis did the one thing he shouldn't do and slept with his team member's ex . it was suppoused to be a one time thing but somehow -- it turned into a casual hookup . although everyone , including her , told him that she's bad news , he sees her beyond her " flaws " and see the good in her .

305 - taken by felicity dupont : the first girl louis ever fell for and the first heartbreak he had experienced . they were in a good an loving relationship , and louis truly felt everything that he was told love should feel like . however , when he confessed his feelings to the femme , she disappeared like their relationship was nothing . and well , that ? that sent him off and broke his heart to pieces . leaving him broken and lost .

too much to ask | f - a hook up gone wrong where ryder just wanted to have misled your muse . maybe they were friends before they crossed the line , but ryder made your muse think he actually fell for her , unintentionally . he had to turn her down lightly , but knew she was probably deeply hurt and that kind of ruined their situationship / friendship , which has ryder regretting .

red light indicates the doors are secured | brooks & any m - ryder's close friends . they are his little troublesome group who he goes out and parties with at any given time . they are a bunch of douches tbh .

r u mine ? | f - your muse truly has ryder confused . she's playing whatever game she is playing , while ryder is playing right into her hands without noticing . he's usually good at keeping his head straight , but this girl , has him in a chokehold .

snap out of it | m / f - a friend who ryder really cares for and they really care for ryder . they're trying to be a better influence on ryder , like the song -- they're trying to snap ryder out of whatever shit he's been in .

why'd you only call me when you're high ? | f - ryder calls your muse pretty much any time he's out and about , saying he misses her and wants to see her . she doesn't necessarily give into his pleading , considering he doesn't call and check on her when he's not out . but sometimes , only sometimes , ryder's pleading work and he comes over . it's just a kind of girl he only has the balls to call when he's not sober .

taken connections :

ryder hayes huxley is thomas and sarah ( nee lawson ) huxley's youngest child of three . he was born on march 15th , 1998 in sydney , australia . thomas was a music producer whereas sarah was a talent manager . growing up, he and his brothers got to listen to all kinds of music and meet all kinds of people . although his dad was quite famous , they never felt like they're in the spotlight . the huxley's made sure their kids know that they have to work hard , and did not spoil them , not even in the slightest .

when ryder was 16 his dad got a very big job opportunity , so the family moved to california . his dad started to work for sony music entertainment , and there was no way they were going to pass on this opportunity . however , ryder had a hard time accepting the move , knowing he's leaving his long-term girlfriend back in australia .

the two agreed to try long - distance , and ryder was faithful through and through , even though he had girls falling at his feet at his school . one day he flew to australia , to surprise gianna , his then girlfriend . he talked to her parents and had them help him surprise her , they told him when she should be back home from school . he knew she would probably will be alone , so when he walked into her house and heard somebody else's voice , he got suspicious . he walked up to her room , and as he opened the door , he saw her in bed with another guy from their class . ryder walked out almost as quickly as he walked in , and on the same night , he was already on a flight back to la .

this experience sparked his muse and when he got back to la he immediately started writing songs in his notebook . he immediately started working on it with his dad , finding himself spending almost every night at the studio . however , he didn't plan on putting anything out , he just wanted his feelings to be expressed somehow . that was until somebody leaked his song " selfish " .

the leak got more hype than he had ever planned on , at the end of the day he saw himself as a nobody who just got lucky to have a family with connections . he was kind of like an overnight star . despite only having one song leaked , he started being invited to many events and parties , where he met many people from the industry . however , not all of them were the good kind . ryder started hanging out with the wrong crowd , and very quickly made headlines .

his parents tried to pull him from those crowds , but it was too late , ryder was too deep in with those crowds . he started going out every night , drinking and partying like he truly has no care in the world . it did help him with the writing though , which made his parents slightly glad . by 2020 , he put out his first album -- f*ck love , which included the song that was leaked years before .

the album and its release took quite the toll on ryder . it got the hype it deserved but something about it just didn't satisfy ryder enough . he felt like he could do much better . that caused him to spiral and to decide to put the music aside for a little . meanwhile , he got plenty of campaigns , which made his modeling career skyrocket while his singing career was on hold .