X:\ALT+0135

I’m ethically against the reliance of college degrees our society has fabricated, yet final exams here I come...

‡‡ wake up suicidal, go to bed suicidal, carry on throughout the day suicidal 

‡‡ “not even starcrossed, just unlucky.“

‡‡ probably should seriously consider suicide at this point in my life

‡‡ why do I ever convince myself that living is the best choice? ‡‡ apparently even I don’t hear my own voice ‡‡ the bleak winter is as comfortable as it is chilling ‡‡ the black night is as bright as it is beckoning

the king of rats.

‡‡ "I'm in a 'fuck that shit' and I can't escape it, it's like goo... goddamnit, I hate it"

Green blue red red red//my eyes swollen with dread

‡‡ sometimes in life it don’t seem reasonable to keep spittin’ ‡‡ to keep up all night sittin’ with what’s written on the table in the kitchen ‡‡ even though my mouth’s dry and my lips and tongue are splitting ‡‡ and the blood that floods my nose starts dribbling ‡‡ in streams through the shutter-speed darkened dreams ‡‡ and I wake up screaming for the night to become light ‡‡ and the horrors at the corners of my eyes, my mind ‡‡ knocking on my back windows and seeming to find time ‡‡ to invite itself in, taking seats around the mantle ‡‡ but for me it’s no more anything than I’ve already handled ‡‡ so I bring out the salt and I light up the candles ‡‡ and I free the demented thoughts at the light of a match lit ‡‡ and they too keep me company in this blacked-out basement

‡‡ Internal server error

‡‡ In silence, my death will triumph. ‡‡ In death, my silence prevails.

‡‡ log: 8:10 p.m. ‡‡ I forget if my plane of existence exists, I open my eyes to the sky ‡‡ the brackish churning among the clouds produces electricity ‡‡ I run and grab the nearest rail

‡‡ live fast die, I dry heave blood through my eyes ‡‡ grotesquely twisted and contorted and tortured ‡‡ the psychotropics find faith through black bibliographies ‡‡ my spine shakes until it disintegrates 

‡‡ patriotic dry heave

"violently seizing, every breath ceasing; creasing folds at the ends untold of eyelids which cover eyes of gold and O! God! how the heavens shake, how the earth's shivers quake when the trampled hooves of demons and non-believers carry blacken'd bodies o'er tracks separating the wooden from brick and casting slow spinning shadows in the cracks along the wall" -Saint Leuscien, C.E. ~1230?, or d. 1260? "a man of redemption, a man of sorrowful smile"