A Tin Can of Gray Matter

EQ:What determines an effective career plan?

The individual has preconceived notions about career. These may have been formed by the people significant to him: parents, relatives, teachers, and friends. At other times they may been caused by certain desires, motives, or ambitions. These notions may all be true. They may also be false or irrelevant. 

Clarifying ideas about career can be done well ahead. The individual can and must be made to realize how he will fit into the real world of work with all the baggage of expectations and ambitions he brings with him. Much like the traveler who is off to a distant land, he must have realistic expectations of where he is going to be able to make necessary preparations for the trip and his stay there.

Sound decision in choosing a career can be made when the individual has adequate knowledge of the different aspects of the particular career path he is interested in. Necessary information because the career he chooses will determine his future life style. When it comes to navigating your career, each of you has a choice to make: settle for what comes your way and make the best of it or reach for the stars and tackle every obstacle that stands in your way. I know that sounds like a very “black and white” decision, but, when it comes to this particularly thorny question, I do believe you ultimately do have to choose. There simply is no “middle of the road” answer that works, in my experience.

While it’s clearly a tough and very personal decision that nobody should deprive you of, knowing what to expect from each of the two paths might make your decision and maybe even your journey a little easier and perhaps more successful. Since I decided long ago that the path of least resistance was not for me, I can’t tell you much about that. But I can tell you everything you want to know about the road less travelled – the one full of possibilities and pitfalls, opportunities and obstacles, and dreams that at least have the possibility of coming true.

Once you accept that competition is just life’s way of weeding out the weak, you eventually figure out that confronting challenges head on and with a can-do attitude will lead to positive results. And that in turn leads to the conclusion that you’re at your best because of life’s challenges, not in spite of them. From there it’s just a short step to the realization that you should constantly challenge yourself, so that’s what I’ve always done. I never settled for less than I thought I could achieve. That kept my professional growth and career trajectory moving up and to the right.

Lastly, it should come as no surprise that doing what genuinely interests and excites you will probably lead to the best outcome. Our lives are constantly in flux. Events change our perception and our perspective changes with experience. It’s only natural that our personal and professional goals and interests would also evolve over time.

EQ:What determines an effective career plan?

Choosing a career is one of the most important decisions you will make in life.  It's about so much more than deciding what you will do to make a living. To start with, think about the amount of time we spend at work. We are on the job approximately 71% of every year. Over our lifetimes, this comes to roughly 31½ years out of the 45 years most of us spend working, from the beginning of our careers until retirement.

The importance of selecting a career with which we are satisfied cannot be overemphasized. While some people are lucky enough to just know what they want to do and end up in satisfying careers without giving it much thought, most of us are not. Many people don't put enough effort into choosing occupations or pick them for the wrong reasons. Maybe they choose careers that seem secure or pay well. They then end up unhappy.

The best way to make sure that doesn't happen to you is to make a well-thought out decision- smart choices. And the worst thing you can do is choose a career to please someone else. Don’t pass-up opportunities to learn and experience new things. Many teachers offer or assign summer and supplemental reading lists — look at these as opportunities for growth rather than a drag on your summer. The more you read, the more you’ll know. It’s a cliche, but knowledge is power.

Bob Parsons - founder and CEO of GoDaddy.com. He had a blog posting one time where he spoke about what he overcame in the pursuit of his dreams. I learned he definitely wasn't an overnight success and experienced a lot of failure on the way. But, he kept his vision in his mind at all times and said, "I spent very little time looking back or feeling sorry for myself."

Another awesome quote from the blog posting was, "Quitting is easy. The easiest thing to do in the world is to quit and give up on your dreams (and quite frankly, that’s what all the non-risk takers want you to do)." Thus, among the goals an individual sets, he is bound to achieve only to those most important and meaningful to them.

EQ:What determines an effective career plan?

At age 5 his father died. At age 16 he quit school. At age 17 he had already lost four jobs. At age 18 he got married. Between ages 18 and 22, he was a railroad conductor and failed. He joined the army and washed out there. He applied for law school where he was rejected. He became an insurance salesman and failed again. At age 19 he became a father. At age 20 his wife left him and took their baby daughter. He became a cook and dishwasher in a small cafe. He failed in an attempt to kidnap his own daughter, and eventually he convinced his wife to return home. At age 65 he retired. On the 1st day of retirement he received a check from the Government for $105.

He felt that the Government was saying that he couldn’t provide for himself. He decided to commit suicide, it wasn’t worth living anymore; he had failed so much. He sat under a tree writing his will, but instead, he wrote what he would have accomplished with his life. He realized there was much more that he hadn’t done. There was one thing he could do better than anyone he knew. And that was how to cook. So he borrowed $87 against his check and bought and fried up some chicken using his recipe, and went door to door to sell them to his neighbors in Kentucky. Remember at age 65 he was ready to commit suicide. But at age 88 Colonel Sanders, founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) Empire was a billionaire.

Dear Charm-Neesan,

       Hi!  I am Tea-desu, and I am writing you in the  hopes that you can help me of my problem.

        I am a teacher, and a  bit of a workaholic.  I am not sure if  this truly is my nature, or if I got this from the work experiences I have  accumulated through the years.  I  believe this is not so bad, considering that I still get to enjoy breaks  every now and then.  My trouble lies,  however, with my being too involved in so much work that I tend to feel  unsettled whenever I have a break, as if my body feels that I do not deserve  one.  There are also nights when I have  trouble sleeping.

       There are times when I  felt long periods of depression and my studies and work get affected.  I sometimes even wonder if I have bipolar  disorder.

       How will I know if I do  have one?  What do I do to reduce my  stress?  Is it natural for me to feel  bad about having breaks?

        Please help.

                                                                                       Sincerely,

                                                                                       Tea-desu

 -=oOo=-

Dear Tea-desu,

        It’s good that you  wrote as early as now, although you could have done so earlier.  You are indeed workaholic, but you need to  relax some more and accept those breaks with open arms.  Try to pace your workload in such a way  that you get to enjoy occasional breaks.  If you have hobbies, do them.  If you do yoga, exercise, sports, or martial arts, give time for  them.  Do yoga or cool-down exercise  before going to bed, and treat yourself to spa and massage at least once  every two weeks, for these help a lot in getting a good night’s rest.

       As to whether you have  bipolar disorder or not, it is best to consult a psychologist or a  psychiatrist to get yourself diagnosed.  It may be possible that you only have anxiety instead of  manic-depression.

       Take heart!  Smile at the start of the day and breathe  deeply at the end of the day.

                                                                                         Best regards,

This Works For Me!

-Middle Earth

Emotions are there for a reason; the pain of them needs to be attended to, lest you leave your hand on the stove’s burner because nature didn’t inform you to remove that hand. Equally, your head is required to have good judgment and learn from experience, to be cool under fire, and to forge ahead in spite of fear. In other words, balance is a sign of maturity. Balance of head and heart, work and play, action and contemplation, passion and repose.

Socrates said that one should be grateful to old-age that the passions rule us less. But do not live a life without passion, especially when you are young enough to enjoy it! He also said that “the unexamined life is not worth living.” And so maturity requires some thought about your life, where you’ve been and where you are going, why you have done what you’ve done, what worked and what didn’t, and what lies ahead. It requires an unflinching look in the mirror and the intention to improve. That means, of course, that being a “grown-up” demands that one has learned something from experience and continues to learn more as experience unfolds.

Example of the application is conflict management. It is the ability to inspire, influence, and develop others while successfully avoiding or managing conflict. It involves handling social interaction appropriately. Benefits: Individuals with high EQ are able to handle conflicts in a mature manner and provide a positive resolution.

Disagreements are bound to arise with others, and someone with emotional intelligence is more likely to be able to negotiate a solution. Since conflict can disrupt efficiency and productivity, as well as social relationships, an individual with high EQ is an asset as a friend and coworker.

Teaching conflict management: The best way to handle a conflict is to negotiate to find a win-win solution for all involved. Encourage your teen to go through three steps when negotiating a conflict with someone: 1) define the problem, 2) determine what each person truly wants, and 3) brainstorm solutions. Explain to your teen that the key is to treat each other as partners trying to solve a problem instead of enemies trying to “win” an argument. Remind your teen that using a positive and respectful attitude makes this process smoother. Because at the end of the line

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~ e.e. cummings

You think this is just another day in your life.  It’s not just another day; it’s the one day that is given to you today.  It’s given to you.  It’s a gift.  It’s the only gift that you have right now, and the only appropriate response is GRATEFULNESS. If you do nothing else but to cultivate that response to the great gift that this unique day is, if you learn to respond as if it were the first day of your life, and the very last day, then you will have spent this day very well.

Begin by opening your eyes and be surprised that you have eyes you can open; that incredible array of colors that is constantly offered to us for pure enjoyment.  Look at the sky.  We so rarely look at the sky.  We so rarely note how different it is from moment to moment with clouds coming and going. We just think of the weather, and even of the weather we don’t think of all the many nuances of the weather.  We just think of good weather and bad weather. This day, right now has unique weather, maybe a kind that will never exactly in that form come again.  The formation of clouds in the sky will never be the same that it is right now.  Open your eyes.  Look at that.

               Look at the faces of people that you meet.  Each one has an incredible story behind their face, a story that you could never fully fathom, not only their own story, but the story of their ancestors.  We all go back so far.  And in this present moment on this day, all the people you meet, all that life from generations and from so many places all over the world, flows together and meets you here like a life-giving water, if you only open your heart and drink. Open your heart to the incredible gifts that civilization gives to us.  You flip a switch and there is electric light. You turn a faucet and there is warm water and cold water – and drinkable water.  It’s a gift that millions and millions in the world will never experience.

               So there are just a few of an enormous number of gifts to which you can open your heart.  And so I wish for you that you would open your heart to all these blessings and let them flow through you, that everyone whom you will meet on this day will be blessed by you; just by your eyes, by your smile, by your touch – just by your presence.  Let the gratefulness overflow into blessing all around you, and then it will really be a good day.

Source:  Brother David Steindl-Rast, c/o Moving Up textbook

The journey to personal development doesn’t only take into account the self as a growing individual and charting a career to establish full independence and success in life. Your growth and personal effectiveness have to manifest in your relationships. In the first place, you have been reared and nourished by relational acts of giving and sharing of people around you. Your family comes first in the line, that standing closest to your growing up. The family is the foremost unit that gave you the first experience of the world. You were born dependent on the love and care of the people around you. And your varied experiences of how you were cared for can have a great impact on your development. Your socialization experience begins at home.  The quality of that experience significantly teaches you certain ways of behaving, believing and loving. As you grow up, you experience a lot of things as a result of your exposure to the bigger world and you begin to adjust, modify or change some of your behaviours, attitudes, and values. This process of reorganization creates a need to make more adjustments.

There is a general notion that adolescence is a stormy period of life brought about by so many changes and adjustments going on in your life which can sometimes results in conflicts. The family is not exempted from these adjustments, often disquieting parent-child relationships in contrast to the time when the child used to depend a lot on his/her parents. Relationship with family is important. Your family is (or should be) your primary source of security and support. No matter how the world turns out to be, the family is home to you. It is a reality in life that a relationship does not always go along smoothly. It has bums and curves that require you to have skills to maneuver it to sustain what is good, beautiful, and loving in a relationship. Your family needs that as much as you deserve to enjoy the fruits of such kind of relationship. How do you take care of your family? - a personal question with a personal answer. Consequently, true adults do what they have to do when it is required of them, and they do what they want when they can.  They are able to distinguish between the two and manage their time and efforts accordingly.

EQ: When is the right time to consider a person an adult?