the doppelgänger !

this wasn’t how it was supposed to happen.  or rather, it’s not how he wanted it to happen.  the truth was supposed to come when it could be free.  cassian is still held back by his duty to protect her.  a sworn oath, an unbreakable vow.  the aggravated exhale he emits was deep enough it could have sent a rumble into the foundation of the earth.  it causes a shudder to the flames that burn around them.  dark hues narrow, head shaking in disbelief at how foolish elena’s words were.  she was a princess, highly educated, and yet she could not see what she’s done to him?  how each day he has to fight to remain appropriate in his title.  if word of their kiss moved amongst the kingdom at all, he would once again lose the bit of prestige he fought for in the first place.  the goals he spent his life reaching for would be taken away in an instant. 

‘don’t be foolish, cassian.’   his mother’s voice sounds off in his head, warning him.  the consequences of his love could be the end of him.  elena would go on, she would be a royal forever.  one mistake could cost him the world.   “oh, elena. be honest with yourself for a moment.”   the gravel of his timbre would surely insult her, but he can’t stop.  with their kiss it’s as if the floodgates have opened.   “none of that was provoked.”   his words are in direct opposition to what he said not more than a minute ago.  but that was cassian, able to play both parts of a contradiction.   “and if anything, i am the one who should be asking for forgiveness. i am your protector. crossing that boundary was my fault.”

she,   a   church   of   broken   glass.   haunted   like   every   other   thing.   most   of   the   time,   she   realizes   how   lucky   she   is.   educated,   a   warm   home,   a   wealthy   life.   she   had   nothing   to   worry   about   because   she,   as   did   the   rest   of   the   world,   knew   she’d   end   up   just   fine.   but   one   one   really   knows   that   the   princess   is   suffering,   too.   there’s   this   emptiness   -   this   loneliness.   she   felt   hollow   and   empty   as   the   spaces   between   stars.   a   freedom   she   simply   craved   for.   elena   liked   being   on   her   own,   with   the   horses,   loved   losing   herself   into   the   woods.   that   emptiness,   that   loneliness,   something   inside   of   her   changed   the   moment   he   stepped   into   her   life.   a   new   distraction.   a   new   desire.   a   longing   that   she   couldn’t   seem   to   get   rid   of   -   no   matter   how   hard   the   princess   tried.

of course he remembers. it’s  all  he remembers:  her kindness, her compassion, her giggle and grin when she reminds him that they’re going to be late to school again.    (  he sweeps her off her feet and carries her back to bed.   why be in class when you can be in love ? )    has turned into    (  set the head right, put the hands back, sit them nicely on the couch. they’re people, not blood bags …   no, they  were  people and he’s the one who killed them.  he’s a monster who will do anything to satiate his cruel addiction  ).    when he stares at the decapitated bodies before him, overcome by guilt and grief and the panicked compulsion to put it all back together,  she  is the only thing that keeps him going. he obliges klaus’s obsession with hybrids and his murderous bonding activities because  it keeps her safe.  he’ll never be a hero, he knows that, but maybe he can be her hero  –  and if not, then a protective villain.

but she came looking for him.  now everything he’s done has been for nothing.  all the people he has mutilated have died for nothing.  it doesn’t matter if klaus goes to mystic falls because the doppelganger has come right to him.  why won’t she just let this go ?

though every cell in his anatomy begs for her touch, he forces himself to resist.  do not pull her against your chest. do not cradle her head. do not nuzzle her hair.      “ i am trying to save you  now ! ”      he urges.      “ what do you want from me ?   even if i came back, it wouldn’t be like before.  the sooner you accept that, the better. ”

and     she     promised     herself     :     she     will     find     him,     or     she     will     die     trying.     they     warned     her,     threatened     her,     told     her     to     forget     him,     to     move     on     with     her     life.     she     witnessed     his     dark     side,     the     bodies,     his     hand     covered     with     blood.     despite     it     all,     she     never     listened.     the     thought     of     giving     up     on     him     never     once     crossed     her     mind.     and     here     she     stands     :     before     the     man     she     loves.     broken     and     bruised,     he’s     slipping     away.     she     barely     recognized     him     -     everything     has     changed.     the     way     he     speaks,     the     way     he     looks     at     her,     even     his     touch     feels     different.     ‘’     i     don’t     need     to     be     saved.     ‘’     she     replies     back     instantly,     stubborn     as     ever.     FIGHT,     STEFAN.     YOU     CAN     FIGHT     IT     -     YOU     JUST     HAVE     TO     WANT     IT     BAD     ENOUGH.     BECAUSE     YOU     LOVE     ME.     YOU’LL     FIGHT     BECAUSE     AFTER     EVERYTHING     WE’VE     BEEN     THROUGH     YOU     OWE     ME     THAT.     but     he     never     listened.     vanished     away     like     he     never     even     existed     in     the     first     place.     tragic,     is     it     not?     to     love     a     damn     ghost.

here     she     is,     begging     and     pleading.     ‘’     i’m     not     letting     you     go.     ‘’     determined     as     ever,     fire     hidden     within     dark     eyes.     only     human     -     but     that     never     stopped     her     before.     ‘’     hurt     me.     break     me.     i     don’t     care     as     long     as     you’re     coming     back     HOME.     do     you     understand?     ‘’     

she     wanted     him     gone.     from     the     moment     she     laid     eyes     on     him,     she     wanted     him     gone.     he’d     never     done     her     wrong,     never     harmed     her,     never     touched     her.     but     she     knew,     felt     it     within     her     bones,     that     he     was     trouble.     she     noticed     the     little     changes     within     her     :     every     time     when     he     stepped     into     the     room,     when     he     got     too     close,     when     his     hand     touched     her     back     .  .  .     it     was     a     certain     feeling     that     swallowed     her     whole.     every     damn     time.     he’s     the     person     she’ll     never     stop     looking     for     in     a     crowded     room.     and     it     terrified     her     -     but     what     terrified     her     even     more     was     the     kiss.     a     moment     of     weakness.     just     another     stupid,     foolish,     reckless     mistake.