My Friends Call Me Mama.

I fuckin knew it.

then EXPLAIN jack and jill

Bless whoever made this.

*Cries real tears*

Nothing feels better than proving them wrong

Dreams come true. Don’t let what anyone says stop you.

sending “I hope you get that job” vibes to the children out here tryna get jobs

reblog if it's okay to IM you

its okay to Immediately Murder me even if we aren’t mutuals

cats are very pickupable and i think that was a really good choice on their part

‘we only succeed when voters are dumb and gullible’ is a very telling admission

the colder it gets outside the more fashionable and powerful i become 

Here, put this candy in your annoying mouth and shut up.

They’re like adult pacifiers

Exactly why i have a candy bowl full of dumdums at work.

I keep two bowls of ginger candies in my house for the same reason. I have too many friends that like to talk during movies

My English teacher freshman year told us about a year when he had two very talk it I've girls who sat next to each other and they obviously made it difficult for him to teach with them chatting the whole time. So he left a big blank sheet of paper on their desk with markers before class started and they were quiet, coloring, the whole time. He was so proud of himself.

The fact that we can accidentally bite the insides of our cheeks has to be the biggest design flaw of the human body.

NO SORRY IT’S THE FACT THAT OUR TRACHEA AND ESOPHAGUS CROSS AND BRIEFLY OCCUPY THE SAME HOLE DOLPHINS DON’T HAVE THIS PROBLEM.

“In conclusion, the humans were extremely angry until they saw the horse, and then thought ‘Well, that bastard’s got it rough, this ain’t so bad’“

Don’t forget that one of our organs likes to spontaneously burst potentially killing you