Life

Making me believe that I’m worth more than my flaws,

My good days are better than my worst and if it wasn’t, it’s not so bad that it could make anyone leave me for having flaws

I’ve been keeping tight on my demons hoping they won’t be exposed

Cus im always anxious and scared when the demons are out people would bid farewell

You aspire me to show mercy on myself when you showed grace and compassion towards my immature temper tantrums, pride and ego.

And that kind of love validates all emotions i have, making me feel seen.

Do you know what’s harder than fixing your own mistake to be a better person?

Having to know that you did not make that particular mistake but you still have to learn it anyway. Having to put faith solely in Him, trusting that He has a better plan because He knows what’s best for you.

Disclaimer ; it’s going to be a bumpy ride so buckle up and try not to throw up.

You see, a wise turtle once said ;

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift” - Master Oogway, Kungfu Panda

Today is a gift? It’s so hard to get a grasp on this saying when you are still hurting from the past. Why is it a gift when your aching is so profound that you can’t stop thinking about it?

The gift lies in the strength you gathered beneath the pain you endured. For every weakness, lies courage and wisdom if you never stop trying to be better because nothing worth having comes easy.

It’s okay if you’re hurting a little too much today. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to feel things so strongly. After all, we’re just humans. Hang in there a little while, keep on going, be patient because it’s going to be worth it.

Trust the process, take a deep breath and let God carves the path of your life.

The Quran, [29:2]- Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will never been tried?

And He also promised ;

The Quran, [94:5&6] - For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.

Lie all you want,

It’s either lie or half truth,

Either or scarred me deep,

Shattered trust can never be whole.

Try, try, try,

Try to mend the broken ship,

Holes so big they can’t be fixed,

Slowly sinking in the cold blue sea,

Jack and Rose can’t match this tears.

Why, why, why,

Why does this take so long,

They said it should take time,

Unquantifiable time drives me mad,

Sometimes I wish I never really get to know you because it hurts a little bit too much whenever my mind wanders to the good memories we had together but then I will never know how I should be treated by a man ; nothing less than you ever did.

Sometimes I wish I could forget this pain, as if I never put this to stop, that you would still be here by my side but I needed to save myself before I could save you. I wanted to, but God knows I’m not capable of handling you so He gave me signs that I prayed for. “Oh God, if he is not the one for me, take him away from my life for You are the most knowing”

Sometimes I wish I could un-know you but I will never know this side of me that you have woken ; the loving side, the length I go for the people I love, the soft and giddy and most importantly the go getter kid I lost along the way of achieving so called success.

No matter how much I wish this never happened, you are still one of the most important lessons that I need to learn to let go in order to love better, be better and do better.

‪There will be times where you are being tested ; to be positive and see the good side of people or give up and let God do the rest.‬