Hhh he removed me from his thing. Part of me doesn’t understand this. I don’t have the feelings, I was just confused bc of the emotional fog I’ve been having.
They woke me up at like 6am too,
And then they said I was blaming it on another part when I tried to explain the attachment that part has was a major influence on the episode as a whole and then plus the fog and shit just caused a major miscommunication,
and that doesn’t make sense, I for one would never do that to her, she’s my girl. I would never hurt my baby like that by blaming her. For two I’d still be blaming myself?? All of my parts are me???
I get the trust was broken when the thought was originally put into their head that I broke the conditions
But I explained I was wrong in what I said and that I don’t have those feelings but they’re just ignoring that part of it it feels like??? He talked about it being a sign to stop trusting people? I’m so confused. it just feels like they won’t even try to understand that it was a mistake and are still set on the idea that I have the feelings still, I get thinking I’m lying. but they aren’t even attempting to talk to me about those thoughts and just seem like they’re ignoring my attempt to explain I don’t have the feelings.
and as well while I was originally saying I had the feelings I was cracking some jokes and shit because I was confused myself? It didn’t seem right to say but I was so scared of losing them I chalked it up to just that, being scared.
My mom agrees it’s weird to hold me to something of that scale like just our relationship all together over my confused and tired attempts to explain, and just STILL doing that after I’ve already said it was a mistake.
I can’t say one wrong thing it feels like. If I do someone starts yelling or in this case threatening the relationship? I know he’s scared and just doesn’t want to be hurt again but don’t I deserve a “I hear you on the fact you realized it was a mistake, I’m just having issues trusting that you actually mean that and aren’t just lying.” And like, an attempt in trying to figure out a way to help him believe me???? Maybe I’m thinking abt this too much.
Why am I just being scraped to the side and told they don’t care about how I feel, were we never equals in our relationship? I make a tired mistake in my words after being woken up at 6am in flight or fight and suddenly they just don’t care?? Suddenly I’m just undeserving of understanding?? They just take that one part and stick with it?? I can’t even explain myself??? What do you *mean* you don’t care how I feel?? I know what I said was bad but they aren’t even TRYING to work with me?? They won’t even acknowledge my attempts. They just left the gc.
I don’t understand this anymore. Why do I deserve to be thrown to the side and ignored because I accidentally said the wrong thing.
My mom said she feels I’m so forgiving to them and their issues but if I make a mistake it’s the most horrible thing ever. I don’t know if I agree with that, but I’ve asked a few different sides on this, and they all say they have the right to be mad but I’m not bad in wanting some sort of acknowledgment of my attempts to fix things.
Idk anymore I think I’m gonna make a new blog after this just bc this one feels ruined in a way. I think I’m just gonna turn off the replies and stuff and just leave this account at least for now. I need a fresh start anyways. I can’t be stressing about this rn anyways it’s not good on my heart.
Hopefully they see this so they know how I feel, but in the end I can’t control what they do. if they decide to role with the thought I have the feelings when I don’t then I can’t control that. But I’ll always be there incase they need someone no matter what.
But I think this’ll be my last comment on the situation, diaries be crazy sometimes I guess.
I will however find my moots all over again, be prepared [proud]
I’ll probably link it in this account somewhere but ya. 😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛 (I’m in a mania mood rn I think sigh)
areudirty
titsay
prguitarman
