man oh man why do i wanna die this bad lol. i'm just so so tired, i feel stuck and i don't see it ever getting any better. it's been YEARS. i legit have been dealing with this feeling for like 8 years now and it has not gotten better. ever. i'm tired of feeling this miserable every single day. every day that i wake up the first thing that comes to mind is how i wish i hadn't. i'm such a burden to my friends and family, especially my family. i mean my mom straight up hates me lol. not that it matters much since the feeling is pretty much mutual but. sucks. and it sucks that i'm stuck living with her abusive ass considering that i have no job no money no nothing. and since i'm too depressed to get out of bed and actually do something about it i don't see myself being free of this, ever. all i do is exist day after day after day and it's always the same and i'm TIRED. i just want this to end, you know. there's literally no point anymore. i have no goals, no dreams, no purposes. my existence is just meaningless. i'm so pathetic. i really really really just wanna go. i just wanna die. i can't do this anymore. i'm tired and it hurts and i need a way out. everything is just too much and i'm impressed i even got to 25 years old lol. but i can't anymore, i just want everything to stop hurting. i NEED everything to just stop. i'll delete this later i guess. if there's even a later. i hope no one reads this lol. if you did: i'm sorry, don't mind me, i'm just venting. anyways. bye.