Rie Yamashina
The Stonewall Inn
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EXPECTATIONS

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YOU ARE THE REASON
we're not kids anymore.

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@puffular
Rie Yamashina

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Maéna Paillet
Forest Nymph by Paul Hermann Wagner, 1870
Private Collection, Texas
Esteban Maroto
I kind of miss the impulsivity that certain spaces used to allow. oh you want a hair cut today? hairdresser in the corner can fit you in before her 2 o’clock. tattoo of a cobra… sure leg or arm? even concerts, back when you could go to the box office thirty mins before any show. not saying these things don’t exist at all, but everything feels booked five months in advance and 10x more expensive

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Esteban Maroto
definitely not locked in. but not really locked out either. as that would imply a sort of freedom
every day i get a little madder about the ‘dream job’ narrative… all i want is to have a job that benefits society somewhat, doesn’t abuse me, and lets me live a happy life outside of my job lol. jobs should not be (and arguably can’t be) cosmic destinies and identities

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Bat vase by Richard Freiwald
I feel unsafe :)
Unsafe and distressed leads to panic.
My unchecked panic triggers the manic.
I allow the mania to run as far as it’ll take me,
But no matter how fast or how far I run the void always catches me, opening up beneath my feet and swallowing me whole.
The suffocating pressure and the breath taken from my lungs, I’m free-falling into darkness. No amount of repetition will ever prepare me for the devastation it ALWAYS seems to bring.
That void is the only thing I can depend on, the only thing I know to be constant, to be there, to never leave me.
I’m at a point where I’m done putting my feet on solid ground, I’m done playing chase, and I’m done grasping for air. If the void is my home it can keep me this time.

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Honestly it boils down to reparenting yourself & rewiring your own neuronal pathways & telling yourself a firm “stop” when you notice your mind slipping down negative loopholes & being present in the moment & enjoying being mid task rather than waiting for it to end & not thinking of inertia as your baseline and natural way of living