no place like you

Objectively speaking, she’s a genius. Period.

Where’d she get the brains from, though?

TORI: That’s kind of adorable, isn’t it?

TORI: I feel like I spent my whole life making good decisions, until I made a very bad one, and every decision since then has threw me further down this hole.

PHOEBE: It is, I love it

My kids are pure genius, Hawke.

No time in the near future thanks to weather. When are you guys moving here?

Funny, Zach says the same thing.

The fact that Little Evans now has two Little Evans of her own is definitely hard to get my mind around. Let’s hope she ends it with two. Yeah, you two not being in the same place anymore must have really been an adjustment, huh?

Well, you know you’re always welcome to my place.

You really think she will? Look at her family, there’s no way this is all they’re going to stick with. I don’t want to talk about it.

But hey, they couldn’t take it back, and now our baby is a star. Smartest kid I know.

Because you’re not incredibly biased, or anything.

I love how well you know me.

And I love you.

TORI: Zach wouldn’t care?

TORI: Thanks, although I don’t think you’re that much older than me. I bet being a mom makes it feel worse.

PHOEBE: If I went out for a night? He better not care, besides, he secretly loves father daughter time. Which actually isn't such a secret, but he thinks that it is

Kanes can totally make sense. Like candy…kane. Yes, I know the spelling is off but whatever, same noise. Yeah, she really went above and beyond and now I’m on the Stacie Evans wavelength.

You’re also spending too much time with your kids, apparently. 

I should have figured.

Eh. I can hold him now without wincing, so that’s an improvement.

Which, I mean, with her two miniatures I don’t know how she has the time to keep up with her own life, let alone every one’s. But I guess social media has a lot to do with that.

TORI: I'm kind of terrified about it, too.

TORI: I know, he's beautiful! It was really good at the time, but we're better off as friends.

PHOEBE: If you ever need someone to come along as back up, even casually, I'm in.

I mean, they can’t seriously expect our kid to have a clean mouth, can they? They knew that when they accepted her and I said “fuck yeah!” in response. But hey, let’s be optimistic. Maybe she did something good this time.

Do I ever?

Not since I’ve known you, nope. And considering I’ve known you longer than he has, that would be never.

TORI: Tasha and I are going to make online dating profiles, but I did have a rebound! Marcus.

PHOEBE: Gross, online dating. One of the few things that I am thankful that I didn't have to experience.

Love you, too, baby. Yeah, I did. I dunno, these fancy private schools love talking and bake sales and shit. I don’t think we need to worry. Do you?

No, I don’t think there’s anything to worry about considering she’s a perfect angel.

I’ll come visit, duh! Jason can handle the kids for one long weekend.

I truly appreciate the way that you don’t give him a say in this decision. 

What a cool family name. It almost gives the Kanes a run for their money. Almost. Hey, I held off for as long as possible but once we got married I just got well and truly Stacie’d.

Um, it’s better, because what is a Kane? At least Hawkes make sense. It’s truly frightening, just when I thought she couldn’t influence you any more than she already has.