I need a mood stabilizer I really really fucking do

why can’t my job just be to sunbathe all day and get my pussy ate out.

so many songs you can just kill yourself to

Ok im for sure going to seek professional help and therapy this week I need medication for sure.

I’m slowly starting to realize I am hung up on this crusty ass man because he looks like my dad🤡 I grew with absolutely no affection from him, to this day I am awkward around him, always made to feel insecure. Not to mention my sexual assault and his complete dismissal of it 😃I’m for sure developing a nasty eating disorder that is for sure originated from my dads comments on my weight. Long story short I saw a Tik tok of a girl saying how women get attached to a man that shows the slightest bit of attention because they grew up without fatherly affection. And I think the way to move on is to find another crusty ass mustache having piece of shit that won’t love me and will only use me🤡 or therapy lool but either way. We talked and I didn’t like what he said and I wanna reach out but deep down it’s going to be worse than if I ripped the bandage now.

I feel very directionless, not to sound like a Tik tok nimrod but I didn’t ask to be born. So I am unhappy, I didn’t ask to be here but I’m the one that gets punished and sent to hell for trying to cope and end my misery and stop being such a gloom and burden to everyone.

I feel like I truly truly need medication because how can this man texting or not texting me just alter my mood so badly to the point where I wanna just go end my life over it. Listening to my sad self pity songs over this man with a musty dick who is 30 and told me he’s not ready for a relationship and how can I not have the self respect to just drop him. I am beginning to consider therapy more and more and maybe some serious medication because I for sure have unsolved trauma and I don’t mean my parents being abusive or some bs I mean like the sexual assault I experienced as a child that for sue did something to my psyche. I feel a serious mental breakdown coming, smashing a fucking plate on my face, getting the cops called on me, idk I am deteriorating more and more and I think I do need serious professional help and medication. I fest for my future self and what I will do to myself now.

I am fucking crazy but i am not free

I know deep deep down I’m in no mental place to look for a relationship.