and it sounds like a punchline to a bad joke, but i really told her about it. because, like mark, I am planning on leaving my career for something new. a career I've been doing for a very long time, something that I felt I was very good at. for privacy reasons, I won't say what I do, but just understand that this career is all I've ever known. it's not well paying, and I definitely feel underappreciated, but its safe. its a monthly check i can use for rent and other living expenses.

recently I've fallen out out of love with this career path. I come out of it completely drained, mentally and physically, and I think about what life would have been like had I done xyz differently, or if I had gone to university. so I thought about going back to school. nothing dramatic, a 9 month course that leads to a certification, but something new. I thought about doing this new thing for a long while, wondering if it would be worth it.

after all, my career is all i have. many, many, many years, and to set it aside for something im not sure would entirely work out? sounds like the worst thing i could do.

I told myself this. my career is safe, its reliable. its been constant. but I am unhappy.

when I saw marks announcement, and saw he was facing a similar situation (on a much, much bigger scale), it was like a lightbulb moment. this feeling of uncertainty is overwhelming and terrifying, but it isn't just a leap into the unknown. planning to take a new route doesn't change the destination, only the scenery.

and its silly to think that this, a kpop idol choosing himself after a decade long career, is what pushed me into signing up for the course. but its true. this isn't a parasocial "he did it so I'm doing it too!" situation. more like a sign from the universe that my experiences aren't unique, and people have survived and lived worse.