A living thing without feelings

You think about if another one of your friends will be safe leaving for her honeymoon in August or if shell be kidnapped by the government.

You are 15 year old Rose. You are emaciated to shit because you think your fat after losing 25 pounds because you had undiagnosed c.diff for 2 weeks. You're depressed as shit because your dad is crazy/sick and was just put into a nursing home. You get on the smelly cold school bus. This is the type of music you're BLARING through your earbuds at fucking 7 AM! Girl this was not helping the situation.

Or is it because I found out I have endometriosis and had lesions remove and I'm finally not constantly tired for the first time in 19 years?

Am I still strong enough to get back up again?

But in other ways I am exactly the same as I once was.

Found this picture of my great uncle and I. He taught me how to play blackjack at 5. We could’ve taken Vegas by storm if he were younger or I was older. Since my grandpa died before I was born he filled in that role. He was in the navy and fought for this country. One he wouldn’t even recognize today.

The future doesn’t exist

I’m tired of living through historically significant events.