Case Study

1) I was in elementary school, and mami told me not to tell people she was Salvadoran. I didn’t understand why that was something I should hide. It wasn’t written on my face.  

2) I visited El Salvador and all my abuela’s neighbors asked her who those gringos were. Abuela laughed when she told me this.

3) At my cousin Veronica’s apartment complex, we used to play with her and her neighbors outside. She would introduce me as her white cousin.

4) Logan, who I used to know as Kimi, asked me when I was 15 how often I masturbate. I said once a month. They were shocked. I wasn’t sure if once a month was a lot or a little. They said they masturbated every night. I had never masturbated.

5) I told my parents I wanted to have a Quinceañera. Dad said, “you don’t want that... do you?” I said I guess not.

6) I told Diamond I was gay and she responded, “but you’re so cute and sweet!” I said, “cute and sweet people can’t be gay?” She said, “you know what I mean”

7) I tell my dad I don’t think I should say I am fluent in Spanish on my resume. He says I should. He is confident that I am fluent. He doesn’t speak any Spanish.

8) My first kiss was at 11 years old, with a girl in my 5th-grade class. We were playing a game where we pretended we were on a date, and we switched off playing the role of the “boy”. We made out several times, wiping our lips off with a tissue after each kiss as if that would erase what happened. I thought nothing of it. I liked boys. On our next play date, we played the same game.

9) At Thanksgiving, I told abuela I liked her earrings. She took them right off her ears and gave them to me. She said she needed to start passing on her jewelry because she is going to die soon. She brought me into her room to give me the matching necklace too.

10) I heard the word lesbian in a song for the very first time, and replayed it over and over on my iPod. It felt scandalous.

11) Abuela told me to stay away from those freaks down the block from Veronica’s. In retrospect, they were a community of Latino trans people just living their lives.

12) In middle school, I told a boy in my class I was half Salvadoran, and he said, “no you’re not. You’re white”. Today, I am still afraid people will not believe me.

13) My freshman year of college, I went home with a guy after a halloween party even though I didn’t want to have sex. I told him I was tired and wanted to go to sleep. I felt his hands under my underwear while I was trying to fall asleep.

14) Every time I talk to abuela, she asks if I have a boyfriend. I say no, and she says “mejor. Enfocate en tus estudios” and I laugh nervously. She also asks, “y tienes pretendientes?” and I say I don’t know, but she is sure plenty of boys are lined up wanting to date me.

15) Abuela met my girlfriend twice. A language barrier separates them. Abuela can only think to ask questions related to her being Filipina.

16) In high school, on the school bus playing truth or dare, someone dares my best friend to kiss me on the lips. My best friend refused but was willing to kiss any other girl. She knew I wasn’t straight.

16) When I take the standardized tests in school, The race question asked me to choose only one. I don’t see a box that applies to me. I choose “other”