proton41

Derek being like “It’d be cool to have someone who was on my side and who liked me just because I’m me, not because they’re my family and they’re supposed to love me” and “maybe part of me is sort of hoping [...] somebody would try to do things for me, too” then Baxter being like “I can’t say what it means to be significant as a person, to be irreplaceable [...] I certainly wasn’t going to assume I’d do it by accident” and “He couldn’t fully believe those who cared about him did so without terms or conditions” SOBS

Baxter: There are terms and conditions to being loved, and I will never fulfil them

Derek: I cannot be loved if I cannot be selfless, therefore, any love I receive is conditional

Baxter relating to Derek because Baxter tries so hard to iron out his “flaws”, to be the most presentable version of himself, and yet in order to do that, he has to let people down and push them away before they get too close, only deepening his reputation of being unattached and uncaring...and he can’t refute the claims. All he wants is for someone to care about him and really see him, but he doesn’t think he’s worth it, doesn’t know HOW to be worth it. He KNOWS he’s going to disappoint people; in his eyes, it’s inevitable. This is the very thing that Derek is trying to avoid, thinking he can afford to be selfless forever. Derek doesn’t think he’s worth it either, always putting the needs and wants of others before his own at the expense of his mental health. In a way, they are both dooming themselves for the sake of other people–for what they think is best for the people around them, regardless of their own feelings. This manifests through Baxter’s self-isolation and Derek’s people pleasing. They both feel inferior but try to compensate for it in different ways. I'm in deep y'all

Yk Derek's one line: “I don’t want to let them down. I really don’t. But it’s hard. Every day it’s like I’m gonna mess up and disappoint somebody” and Baxter's just like: Hooo boy do I know a thing or two about disappointing people

Derek - Past || Cove - Present || Baxter - Future

I’m a massive sucker for the moral messages (or themes, if you will) that can be gained from each of the lead’s different routes. Recently, I realized each of their main struggles revolves around either past, present, or future. I WILL EXPLAIN!!

These mainly come out in their Step 4 epilogues.

Derek - He beats himself up over the decisions he made in the past. He wishes he could go back and change the way things were. He wishes he acted sooner, reached out to MC, had been more proactive instead of passive. Together, MC and Derek connect in the present, learning to let go of what could have been.

Cove - Again and again, Cove’s route emphasizes being in the present moment. This is in many of the things he tells MC, such as “I can’t see what the future is gonna look like again, but… I think that’s alright”, and “You choose who you are today.” Slowly, MC and Cove use self-autonomy to create a present together that is just as good as their shared past, and accept that worrying about the future holds no value in their present moment.

Baxter - At face value, it may seem like Baxter is also concerned with the past, what with how he must reconcile his past actions and thought processes. However, Baxter’s ultimate issue has always been about the future. He worries about the long-term stability of relationships, and sees no future with himself and the people he cares about. MC ultimately helps Baxter to realize a future for himself he never could have imagined; one in which he is loved and cherished just for being himself.

It’s been a while since I’ve played their respective epilogues, so I could probably come up with more to say if I replayed them with these things in mind.

For an MC who dated Baxter in Step 3 and gets back together with him in Step 4.

MC: "I really liked you even back then."

Baxter: "Really?"

To me it was obvious, straightforward, logically assuming. You dated him, so of course you liked him back then. Why would he be surprised by this, let alone not even know it?

It only occurred to me after I discovered that he won’t actually ask you out if you confess to having a crush on him in Step 3. The qualifiers that the game has for Baxter asking you out are that 1) He knows you’re single, 2) You have a crush on him, and 3) You don’t confess said crush (because you can if you want to). If you do confess, it knocks the Step 3 dating storyline completely out of the park.

The basis of him asking you out is that he runs on the assumption that you don’t care about him. That you don’t have feelings for him. That seeing him as a novelty and a bit of fun is the only pretence you’d have to date him, and the only pretence he’ll allow.

And that broke me. Because suddenly, his Step 4 line makes so much more sense.

Of course I knew he saw himself like this: unimportant, temporary, insignificant. It’s the fact that he doesn’t even understand how he’s dug that hole for himself. To him, that’s his reality. That nobody cares. That he’s worthless without commodity. That nobody will genuinely see him for anything more than a fleeting good time at best. Because he doesn’t feel like he’s more. He doesn’t know how to be, or what that “more” even is.

I'm kind of already there, but yeah...