promisesinterlude

and I haven’t flinched in years

my mornings will be greeted with soft eyes that reflect every beautiful thought that surrounds your perception of me.

i will no longer be in fear of how i will be treated, or if i will be loved today.

One day i will be able to say i’m loved,

and i haven’t doubted it in years.

i feel it in the way i am held

you hate that I sting when I’m nervous

i don’t mean to be so cruel

i think we all act out of fear , or even instinct.

I just need to remain invisible to you, because if i let you see me, then what?

what will we do when you see the real me and decide i’m too much for you

too much work for too little reward

id love to see you stay but it’d be unfair of me to ask

i would never want to come off as selfish

you like this version of me better though, the version you don’t really know.

the watered down, flavorless, shallow version that loves everything you say, and everything you do , and i think that everything you think is amazing

but what about when that’s no longer me?

When i’m messy and crying,

rotting away in my own misery making sure you’re so far away from me you’ll never see me for me.

i’ve been in plenty of relationships, yet i don’t think i’ve ever loved any of them.

but you, the wolf in sheep’s clothing.

I could feel you ripping me apart, limb by limb, day by day.

The words you strung together sounded eerily similar to the sound of you digesting the last bit of what i had left to give.

To top it off you picked my bones clean for dessert.

Making sure I was left with nothing and no one before you left me for dead.

she is cold and intricate, every piece of her must be revealed by her own free will

you’ll sit and talk for hours, yet you’ll still know nothing until she finally decides to peel back the layers just so you can understand what makes her brain tick.

what makes her , her.

each delicate layer bleeds into the next, with every passing moment, they wilt & fall off, crumbling to reveal a raw, delicate core.

“I love the thought of you”

“I love you for you , I love all of you”

The reality is, you can never know the true meaning behind the words i love you, because you don’t love me.

you love me when i am fun and put together,

why won’t you love me when i am broken and messy?

I know that the answer will forever be “i do.” but you don’t, and i wish you could.

i wish you could love all of me, the parts that ache and cry.

the parts filled with resentment and anger, But you only want to love me when i am clean.

a constant , low buzzing static consumes a majority of my thoughts.

I guess you could say i’m not really here

only when I want to be

becuase when i’m alone, i can’t stand to be with myself , it’s ironic becuase i constantly talk about how much I love my own company