Project Prisoner Poetry + Stories

A shifting light of reality Shines through my Bared Window,

My eyes soak in this twisted array of light,

A fractured mind trying to decipher truth from confusion,

Thinking of all things as I bleed,

My mind is telling me,

The light is your reality,

Just step in and you will be freed

Yet here I still bleed... when will this all end for me!

Gregg Phillips #300827, Wisconsin

Sometimes you wait your whole life to find someone special and when you do it makes all the struggled in your past seem like stepping stones on your path.

People are like places you always wanted to go. If you never take the trip then you’ll never really know.

So if you’re looking for adventure and someone to show the way. Take my hand and come with me and you’ll smile every day.

When the walls come crashing down

and you’re left with what you have

you notice that the smiles

are worth more than the laughs

When the ride comes to an end

and you’re the only one that’s left

you try not to choke on the panic

as you struggle to catch your breath

When the bars roll shut behind you

you know you’re on your own

when you wake up in a concrete box

you know you’re far from home

When you try to make a change

but you’re so weighed down with fear

the future seems so far

and tomorrow’s never near

When you’ve walked a mile in my shoes

you might know how I feel

when you’re used to spotting fakes

you’ll recognize the real.

Looking back it feels like

no matter how many times I’ve tried

when I’m about to reach the top

I get caught up in the landslide

Every time I fall down

I get back on my feet

no matter how hard the fall

I’ll never accept defeat

As I stumble through this life

constantly bumping my shin

I’m determined not to give up

one day I know I’ll win

When the search is over

and the total of all that you found

is more than when you started

but still not enough to go ’round

when all of the hopes that you had

become dreams left in the past

you remember the first

and try to hold onto the last

when you look in the mirror

confused by the reflection you see

you think to yourself “its a stranger”

“staring back at me”

when you finally realize

you lost track of the time

you long to go back

but there is no rewind

if you don’t pay attention

life will slip you right by

days come and go

in the blink of an eye

but if you hold onto the good

and let go of the bad

one day you’ll look back and smile

at all the love that you had.

God’s love is perfect, complete, and whole. God created humanity out of that perfect love and He continues to sustain the world through His love for His creation. Religion has tried to corrupt that love through man-made doctrines and dogma. Some established religions have reduced God to an overreacting and highly emotional toddler in the midst of an eternal temper tantrum. On one hand, we’re told that God is a compassionate, forgiving, and loving creator and in the very next breath, we’re threatened with the punishments of eternal hellfire! We are supposed to somehow be convinced of God’s very conditional love for us while at the same time trembling on our knees in sheer terror at the thought of his wrath. For the nonbelievers, God has an agonizing punishment in store. Ironically enough we are all nonbelievers to a different faith. This idea of a jealous, vengeful, punishing God is absolutely repulsive to me. The notion that one particular religion should have an absolute monopoly on God is abhorrent in my mind. Glorified and highly exalted is God above the atrocious images man has assigned to Him. God is not limited by time or space or race or creed. Are we supposed to continue on harboring beliefs that condemn others to eternal punishment and separation from God based solely on their ideology? I know the answer religion would give but it’s not good enough anymore. God is not constricted to any one group in particular and to claim He puts a restriction on His mercy, compassion, forgiveness, love, and grace. How can I claim God loves only American born Christians or Zionistic Jews or Salafi Muslims. What about a person born with autism who has absolutely no concept of religion, God, or heaven and hell? It’s about time we shift the focus to inclusion rather than holding onto this antiquated method of exclusion. I think to myself, if I had a son would there be anything he could do that would harden my heart so much as to confine him to an eternity of suffering the magnitude of which has no comparison by earthly standards. The answer is absolutely not. There is no crime, no sin, no offense the child I love could commit that would cause me to quit loving him and throw him into an eternal furnace. God’s love is infinitely greater than mine. His compassion higher than I could ever imagine and His mercy and forgiveness knows no bounds. He is our creator and He knows our nature better than we know ourselves. So why is it so hard to believe that His grace will extend to all of His creation? God creates out of love so it’s safe to say He loves all of His creation and He makes no mistakes. His love is so great it’s inconceivable and yet we humans in our ignorance and arrogance lay claims to that love that we have no right to. God’s plan for humanity is redemption and restoration not destruction and endless torment. It’s time we started giving God the credit He deserves and building our relationship with Him on the foundations of absolute trust and love instead of the age-old fear that has been used to coerce people into a false identity and standard of living. God desires us to draw near to Him in all circumstances and situations and that nearness is the ultimate reward. We need to quit using God and religion as an excuse to hate people who are different from ourselves. Let’s stop drawing lines and pushing people out and be open to seeing others the way God does through the lens of love and compassion.

For nine long months you carried me

your heartbeat was my own

and when the doctor cut that cord

you were ready to take me home

so many times you stayed awake

as you rocked me through the night

you held me close and sang to me

and whispered “everything’s alright”

you changed my diapers and wiped my nose

before I could even walk

you tickled my belly and pinched my toes

and showed me how to talk

you picked me up every time I fell

and you chased away my fears

you fixed me up when I hurt myself

and you kissed away my tears

you cried the first day that I went to school

because you knew that I had to grow up

you smiled for me when I tried out for football

and at my games you would always show up

you blamed yourself when I started falling behind

and you tried so hard to keep me ahead

you did all you could to get me on track

but I only fell farther back instead

the more you tried to help me succeed

the more I pushed you away

and before I was old enough to leave

you couldn’t beg me to stay

you cried the first time the cops woke you up

your son being taken away

and when I called home that night from juvie hall

you knew just the right words to say

you blame yourself for my mistakes

and you wish you could help me change

you try so hard to find the problem

but you’re not the one to blame

you’ve been there through all the good times

and you always help me shoulder the bad

you never gave up or turned your back on me

and your love never let you stay mad

you’ve always been a hero to me

you’ve saved me over and over again

you will always mean the world to me

my mother, my mentor, my friend

one day you’ll grow old and you’ll need someone

to stay by your side and take care of you

and I’ll be right there like you’ve always been

to help you make it through

for nine long months you carried me

your heartbeat was my own

and to this day that heartbeat

is still the strongest love I’ve ever known.

When people blame drugs and alcohol for all the shitty things they’ve done instead of accepting responsibility for their actions it’s really just a cop-out and a way to deflect accountability. That being said I wouldn’t have made the decisions that put me in prison if I wasn’t strung out and completely out of touch with reality. It was the choices I made while under the influence that ultimately led me to be where I am now. So while I am completely and utterly responsible for the shitty things I’ve done I wouldn’t have done them if I wasn’t loaded. It’s like Dr.Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. My story isn’t unique, unfortunately. I suffer from a disease that millions of people struggle with globally. Some people think its a choice but for me it never was. I suffer from the disease of addiction.

I’ve been an addict practically my entire life. I first tried smoking weed when I was nine and by eleven I was a full-blown weed head. I was introduced to meth when I was twelve or thirteen and by that time I was willing to try anything to get a buzz. It wasn’t so much a desire to get high as it was a way to escape reality. I kept looking for something to change the way I felt and eventually that turned into obsession and compulsion. Before long I was getting high because getting high was all I really knew how to do. I had years of practice and not much practice in anything else. All the dreams and goals I might have had as a young kid faded away like dust in the wind.

The only true constant in my life is the obsession to use drugs or alcohol no matter what the cost. I’ve traded the most important parts of life, time, and time again for the chance to get high. I’ve put drugs and alcohol above everything else and at times I’ve felt completely powerless to change.

I’m in prison for getting in a high-speed chase on icy roads in a stolen Dodge pickup. I got three hit-and-runs before I crashed and then stole another truck to get away. I had the entire Richland police department chasing me as I eluded them like a bat out of hell. I was drunk and strung out on method and the only thought in my mind was doing whatever I had to do to get away. I look back now and think to myself how lucky I am that I didn’t kill someone or myself. I was caught the next day and charged with two stolen vehicles, three hit-and-runs, and a felony eluding. Those were the choices I made. I can’t blame those choices solely on drugs and alcohol because the fact is there are countless addicts suffering from the same disease as me and don’t make those kinds of irresponsible, irrational, reckless decisions.

Drugs and alcohol are only symptoms of deeper rooted problems in my life and even though being in prison sucks, I thank God for the opportunity to evaluate the behaviors that led me to do the things that put me here and try to get a grip on life and learn to live with more restraint. I’m not responsible for my disease but I am responsible for my actions and the steps I take to deal with my disease. For me, it all starts with accountability.

Broken into a thousand pieces is my heart made of glass.

Shattered, with no regard to the pain.

Seared into the leftover fragments.

No one cares or even notices.

This is all I have to offer.

Can you repair the damage that’s been done?

Can you mend the pieces that are broken?

Can you put my glass heart back together again?

Loveless for so long.

Hopeless beyond recognition.

Mourning the losses of a lifetime.

Please take my humble offering.

You say its damaged, but you can fix it.

You say its broken, but you can make it whole again.

You say its not much, but its enough.

Lord, this is all I have to offer.

The pieces of my broken glass heart,

That’s been broken, shattered, and trampled on.

That’s been without love, hope, or gladness.

I give it all to You, almighty powerful King.

So Lord, I’m trusting You again.

Only You can make me whole again.

Only You can mend my brokenness.

Only You can fill me with love and joy!!

-Kenneth L. Wells, Jr.

You truly will never know what a letter can mean

Until you’ve been where I am or seen what I’ve seen.

I’m confined to a world behind four (4) walls

Where no one can see me, and I receive no calls.

Often I sleep; awakened – alarmed!

Thinking my family, loved ones or friends may be harmed.

I quickly thank my God for giving me love and a sense of peace -

Thank God again! - Its just a dream – as I come to my senses

I look out my “window” and still see the fences!

I make it, somehow throughout the day;

Quiet prayer to be heard- awaiting mail call;

But “none for me”, they say.

When nobody writes, times seem really hard,

Not a letter, a note, or even a card.

Looking for a little word or two to say

“Everything’s okay”.

A few small words to ease my mind,

Kind words, well wishes – just knowing you’re there

Anything to show that you care.

Yet still I fall to my knees night and day

Praying to my God that you will remember me one day.

You will never know what a letter can mean

Until you’ve been where I’ve been;

Or seen what I’ve seen.

-Kenneth Louis Wells, Jr.

My mother always told me

God doesn’t make junk.

Now that I know you

I understand what she meant.

You are my best friend…

You are my brother.

At the end of the day

You are the reason,

Even when no one else is.

You are Jesus Christ,

You had my heart.

My Lord, my king,

My everything, you are!