You've married an Icarus

My dearest Leah,

Thank you for writing to me. It made my week. Nico said he was worried I may hurt myself from smiling too much, yet his own smile was much wider and brighter than mine. His cheeks are more elastic. I think perhaps he’s jealous that he, Carter and Hamilton aren’t the only ones who can make me smile like this, anyway. I’ll pitch my theory to him over dinner tonight. If it flusters him in any sense of the word, it’s true. You’ll have received an e-mail a while ago with the result. It was probably rather strange without context. I hope you replied to question me. (I feel absurdly like a time traveler.)

Whether or not you wish for response to the main body of your letter, you are having my thoughts on everything and I hope they help. And against your wishes, for I am a rebel, I have decided to address your worries before I talk about myself. I am a polite gentleman, after all, and chivalry (which is very much dead but allow me this) dictates.. ladies first. We will discuss you first.

I think our biggest problem at St. Brendan’s is the idea that submission is weakness or a choice. As much as I believe it is a choice to a personal extent, you do not get to decide whether or not you do it. The desire to do it is always present and acts of submission will be pulled from submissives whether or not they consent, sooner or later. Perhaps it is this niggling feeling within them, when they do not do it, that makes them feel weak. Perhaps they believe Dominants do not have the same feeling deep within them. Perhaps it’s a.. feeling of dependency that puts them off. Addiction is generally a bad thing, they are taught as much, and the body acts as though submission is an addiction. (I think it is most humorous that many of the students are addicted to other things, namely.. the internet, yet cannot allow themselves submission because it is something that ‘rules’ them and their time.) I think it would be most beneficial to show them somehow that submission, on any level, even cleaning up after a Dominant, is not weakness. That submissives have the main power when with the right Dominant, or just any decent Dominant. I haven’t yet a way it can be done, but it will be another topic of conversation at dinner.

We believe in you and in your teaching ability. Nico would not have hired you had he thought you a bad teacher or a bad person, or without use here. He is the most genuine man I have ever met, and I’d like to believe that you too have never met someone quite like him, so that this knowledge is comforting to you. He loves you dearly and he has every faith in you. If they do not see how important you are to them, it is not your fault. ‘You can take a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.’ You can wave your experience and expertise at them, but you cannot make them take it. If they do not take it, it is not your fault but entirely theirs. It is ultimately your decision whether or not you remain teaching as you are at St. Brendan’s, and maybe you would benefit from some time off to practice your submission in peace, but.. you have much to offer and the majority either know that or will come to know that. One problem student does not a problem student-body make.

I am most glad that Blaine continues to make you smile. It would be worrying if your ability to smile somehow.. tarnished with his love and affection. I am glad he hasn’t ruined you, as I once thought he would. He’s lovely and has the makings of the Dominant who will match you entirely. You’re probably frowning at my choice of words. And now you’re probably grumbling that you’ve been caught- but hear me out. He is still a teenager, to a large degree, and he has much to learn. You are shaping one another to fit solidly, but you are not yet there. It isn’t a bad thing. There is always more to work on. But in Blaine, I feel you’ve found a nice match. Continue to improve one another. You’ll get to entirety eventually. I have every faith.

Please talk to him about everything. You’ve told one person. You’ve told me. And I’m sure you feel some relief at having left a piece of your hardship in a letter. A letter that had to travel over an ocean to get to me. This one piece of your upset is no longer with you, it is with me, far far away, and I will do my very best to help it. Now you must offer some of your upset to Blaine and trust that he will take it. You cannot expect the world in him yet, as I’ve stated in such a way earlier in this letter, but you’ll find a way through together. It should never be a burden on him, as his upset is not a burden to you. It may hurt for a while and you may stumble over helping this problem, but in the long-run it will be good for both you and you’ll both emerge happier and healthier. He cannot help if he doesn’t know how you fully feel. 

Your students scream “how could you?” but your best friend across the ocean is applauding you, and I dare say he is louder than them. Camila is not an easy person to get along with but.. it gets much easier the longer you spend with her. I know Nico looks at his memories of her with warm affection. She’s stubborn and difficult, but she knows what she’s doing, and past the politics, she could be as good for them as you are.

Nico and I are very happy here. Coming here to just continue what we were doing in America, it.. says a lot about how the experiment is going. The Council would not need another, and they would not have wanted Nico’s management, if they thought the point of it was lost to the people. I am happy to be driving on the proper side of the road, too, and I missed my car, my Elizabeth, dearly. It’s still funny to me that sometimes, when Nico and I go for a drive or to meetings, etc., Nico gets in the wrong side of the car. Maybe it is mean of me to laugh at him when he has his moments but I am mean and he loves it. 

Hamilton is enjoying our new home here. He has much more space and fields to run through should he wish to. The groundskeeper has a few cats and Hamilton has made some friends. If we hadn’t removed his ability to father, there’d be babies in the works. His friendships.. they are particular. He is such a teenager. 

Anyhow, the university’s land here has a couple of outbuildings. Converted barns and whatnot. Luckily enough a house of our own, on its own cornered-off plot of land, was part of the deal when moving here. It is the most lovely home. It is the most wonderful mix of old and new, open and cosy. I cannot wait for you to visit and see it for yourself. I’m sure you’d love it. All it needs is the clutter of being thoroughly lived in, for we already have the books, framed photographs and strange ornaments down pat. I think perhaps we need a few more photographs of you, a couple of rugs, some more of Carter’s stuff and a couple more animals, too. 

Now I have your attention, I must alert you to the fact that Nico and I are planning our wedding for this coming summer. We plan to use this place’s land to hold something outdoors, maybe within a gazebo. It’ll be small and beautiful. We were thinking black and gold, or black and silver. I want our day to start mid-afternoon and move through into the night. The joy of being so far from London, in the countryside, is that the sky lights up every night. I’d like to be waltzing with my husband under the stars, surrounded by loved ones. You are of course invited and maid of honour, and I suppose you may bring Blaine, if he’s good and doesn’t give us doughnuts as a wedding gift. That all being said, please keep your summer plans loose for us. I know that is a lot to ask. When we decide on a date, maybe we could plan for you and Blaine to spend a week or so with us here. I know you’d like that, but you should probably discuss it all with Blaine before you agree.

Know that whatever happens, you are in my heart, you are in Nico’s heart, we love you and we miss you and we are here for you. Nico holds many friendships within the Council that run St. Brendan’s, so if you ever need some.. strings pulled, inconspicuously, please let me know and we’ll sort it out for you as well as we can. Many of the members are part of the development here, so if it is doable it will be done. 

If all else fails, we have many positions you can take here and a couple of outbuildings to choose from, should you want your own space. 

Write again soon (or call, e-mail, visit, come to the wedding!), my sweetheart,

All my love,

Andrew x

P.S. I have slipped a photograph of me into the envelope. If it isn’t in the envelope, check your lap and the floor. It would be terrible if you didn’t get to see it. I want you to frame it and keep it. The Andrew pictured is watching over you, more so than any of your other framed Andrews, and he believes in everything you are and everything you choose to be. Look at him! He’s cheering you on!