Vent Space For Pro Endo Folk

just saw someone say that enofenic systems are “the anti-vaxxers of psychiatry”. while yes, it slightly hurt… i am laughing. honestly, what a complement.

(still upset that they called endogenic systems “endogenic ‘systems’”, though.)

-🎨🥞 anon

"the antivaxxers of psychiatry"????????????????????????????????????

sometimes i see traumagenic systems with CDDs who only ever participate in trauma- and disorder-focused spaces post a huge list of reasons of Why They're Pro-Endo. they'll wax all sorts of philosophy and they'll talk about how the exclusionism hurts traumagenic systems too!!! and they'll put in a few lines about how our understanding of psychology isn't perfect or how it's bad to fakeclaim others, and just...

i don't know. sometimes it feels very obvious to me that they never talk to other systems who aren't solely traumagenic. and the post is framed such that it seems they're declaring their allyship and how they're safe for endogenic folks, but the actual wording and arguments in the post make it seem as though their actual purpose is to change minds--that supporting endogenic systems isn't actually the point or purpose of the post (or at least, not the main one).

it just feels disingenuous. a "why i support endogenic systems" post should only really need three basic statements: "because i believe others when they tell me their own experiences, because i don't know their experiences better than they do, because disordered and trauma-based experiences of systemhood aren't the end-all, be-all of systemhood". maybe i'm being a downer, maybe i should just be happy that they're expressing allyship at all, but it feels like... intentions should be stated in the beginning and followed through. are you intending to debate and change minds? say that clearly at the beginning and carry on. are you intending to express support towards endogenic systems? then you really do not need to do a whole dissertation on it, and if you're going to do that, you should probably be focusing on how anti-endo sentiment affects endogenic systems primarily with some points on how it's damaging to traumagenic systems, not the other way around, otherwise it just sounds like you're trying to convince anti-endos, not support endogenic systems.

i don't know. again, maybe i'm just a pessimist, or paranoid, or too hypervigilant, or too... whatever. maybe i'm the only one who feels this way and i'm being weird and mean. but it's just so very uncomfortable for me.

So. I reviewed what we did remember, and yeah…. We were SA’d at one point. It wasn’t rape (thank gods), but it still happened. I don’t know hi to feel about this, honestly. I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t realize that it was that bad… maybe now that we have a word for it, we can begin trying to recover. I’m not sure.

Just… wish me luck, please. I don’t know what to make of our childhood anymore.

-🥞🎨 anon

i think. i think there’s a good chance that we were sexually assaulted at some point, but just can’t remember. i kno we shouldn’t dig for memories since it’s unhealthy, but i just. i don’t know what to do with this information. i'm scared. our behavior lines up with it, but i just don’t know if it’s true or not, and just. i don’t know. i just hope that it isn’t true. i really do. it’s probably hopeless to think that , though.

-🥞🎨 anon

For all that anti-endos talk about how they’re the community that “actually respects trauma”, I have never seen one respect psychiatric trauma or abuse during hospitalizations. There is no consideration for why someone might prefer to view something non-medically even if it’s “technically a disorder for them”. Because non-medical plurality is an “icky endo thing”. I know I shouldn’t speculate on other people’s trauma or lack thereof. But I feel like they haven’t experienced what I have from these “professionals”. Because if they did would they really constantly argue for defending medicalization?

-🥞🎨 anon

multi-origins DID collective with ASPD over here. i am baffled and annoyed by the sheer number of people with ASPD (or claim to have it) who are also anti-endo. especially when their reasoning is "bu-bu-but lack of scientific evidence!!!" "the DSM says DID is caused by trauma!!!" blah blah blah. ignoring that both of those statements are wrong... you're trusting the fucking medical establishment on whether or not something can happen in someone's brain? did you like the taste of the boot too much? last i checked, ASPD is the Hates The Establishment Disorder. and yet because it agrees with you* about some people you don't like, you suddenly are in love with the establishment? give me a fucking break.

the main reason this bothers me so much is because, with how many people with ASPD are anti-endo (and conversely, how few are pro-endo), either (A) i only have pro-endo but prosocial friends who i have to walk on eggshells around because if i don't play the part of The Good Sociopath, they'll all leave and i'll once again have literally 0 support system, or (B) i can have antisocial friends who Get It, but they aren't actually true "friends" because they believe over half of my system (ie, the soulbonds and gateway--the spiritually-originated half of my system) isn't real or "[we] feel this way because of severe dissociation, but it's actually all part of [our] brain" (real thing someone--note: a singlet--said about our gateway to another person btw. right after we explained how we functioned. while we were still there. guess who was instantly thrown into a major dissociative spiral because someone we trusted essentially reality-checked us and treated us like we couldn't know our own brain and experiences?). there's just no winning!

*note: because you are actively misinterpreting the DSM and are willfully ignoring research that has been done on non-traumagenic systems. i'm about as anti-psych as it comes (for hopefully obvious reasons) but dude, even psychiatry doesn't agree with you, and you're pretending like it does because it makes you feel morally superior while you try to bludgeon people you don't like who have 0 power over you. pathetic and cowardly motherfuckers.

i’m fucking scared. we were writing something out, and just. idk. part of us shut down when the topic of sa was brought up, and it was like some part of us was yelling “this has happened to us before”, even if we’ve only experienced sexual harassment, to my memory. i don’t get what’s wrong with me right now. isn’t it disgusting to feel that way with no basis? weird? i’m not even sure whether or not to do anything about this, just. i’m worried.

-🥞🎨 anon (sorry if this is too much)

- ✨🌌

*tries to explain why I as a pro-endo don’t enjoy being compared to a community that is literally a grooming ring and convinced me that it was all right for minors and adults to date when I was 16*

*gets accused of intentionally trying to trigger a trauma survivor by bringing up grooming to them, they shut down the conversation rather than engaging with my point (that they’re drawing a massive false equivalence)*

You’re not the only trauma survivor in this conversation, bastard.

If you don’t want people bringing up their experiences with grooming to you, don’t compare endogenics and their supporters to a community of groomers who rally around a term coined by someone who defended masturbating with an infant as long as it didn’t actually hurt them. It’s that fucking simple, and so many anti-endos seem incapable of doing it.

Fuck you, have the day you deserve.

Sorry, I’m pissed.

“Do you think there are endos who pretend to be pro-endo traumagenics so it looks like they have more support from the community than they really do?” I hate you. I hate you so so much.

I am pro-endo. Very much so. Everyone under the plural umbrella is valid.

You cannot deny my trauma due to this. You cannot. It does not disappear once I have a certain opinion. I wish it did. I’m exhausted from… all of this.

Fuck you fuck you all.

-🌺 of 🥞🎨 anon

-🥞🎨 anon

we’ve also tried forgetting it a lot but like. never worked bwuhhh

we just want it to be out somewhere because it feels less like it’s just us being crazy again if it’s actually put into words and read by other beings

so, we’re in a server, right? discord server, been in it since its creation. it’s not anythin to do with systems, it’s just a server for the vessel’s fixation. we didn’t know this at first. It wasn’t written anywhere. the server is anti-endo, it was stated in the post invite that got buried. it’s not anywhere in the server. it doesn’t get brought up.

we’re just a bit scared, is all. The others have been scared since we’ve learned it. I’VE been scared and so ive been fronting a lot more than I probably should be, making that perfect persona on that server just so we don’t get found.

we can’t just leave the server. we’ve been active and happy in it, it’d raise suspicion. the people inside it are kind and friendly, even when some of us know and talk out about how they might not be as friendly if they know. if we make one mistake. we already have , letting newb type out how they normally do. it wasn’t thought of as strange. it’s a nice server!!

it’s just that little anti-endo looming over it all. we’re good at masking, sure, but what happens if we’re discovered? I don’t think most of us could handle hate it went from “oooh we’re in an antiendo space we’re rebelling” to “this is unsafe but we can’t leave”

dunno, finally built up the courage to share it online. the server’s great, but I just know (as do the others) that we couldn’t truly be ourselves there

that’s all from us though. I suppose we try not to be negative it’s just easier for me specifically to get out what the others struggle with

and another thing i find gross is how anti endos will have both endogenics and fakeclaimers in the same dni. like. really dude???? /nay