relatively anonymous

"What did that mean squash say to you, Stevie?" Steve turned to Robin, who had leaned in against his shoulder in the aisle, taking in the vegetable he was holding. Wait, was it a fruit? Vegetable? Steve didn't pay that much attention in class, truth be told.

Steve held a zucchini in his hand, staring down at the mottled dark green skin. It'd seen better days, the thin outer layer had cuts and chunks out of it - but Steve wasn't really looking at it. His new found fascination with this particular cucurbita (Steve was currently taking biology classes to get his teaching certificate) was because it was about his size. The weight was similar, the length was about right. It looked like a good amount in his hand too, nothing seemed dwarfed.

Which meant, that the object he was holding, was smaller than Dustin's dick.

"Do you ever think about my dick?" Steve asked her, before his brain had time to catch up. She stared blankly at him. An old woman walking past, who almost certainly had seen the war, blanched as though that was the worst thing she'd ever heard.

"I'm going to ask you to rephrase that question, before I shove that inside you, and for fun and my enjoyment - the hole I pick will be a surprise." Robin said slowly, with a false smile plastered across her face.

"I...look, okay, so. Henderson has a big dick. Huge. And I keep thinking about it, and I don't know why? So, like...do you think about the-" Steve gestured down at his crotch, until Robin grabbed his hand and forced it back above belt level. "Of your friends that you're not into? Like, obviously you're not into me, so..."

"No, Steven, I do not. Now I am, which I hate. I blame you for this. I'm going to go find the booze and you're going to pay for it in place of my therapy." Robin told him, grabbing the shopping cart and trying to get away from him. Steve jogged to catch up, but in doing so, passed by the eggplants. He slowed down, eyes locking onto the perfect one. That had to be about the right size.

"Steve!" Robin said, snapping her fingers at him like he was a dog. "You can think about his preposterously ponderous package another day."

Steve frowned, before placing the zucchini down next to the eggplant. Oh, they looked good together, really complemented one another.

Maybe he was just hungry. "Hey, let's get food."

"Why, do you have a taste for Rocky Mountain oysters now too?"

They were on the same side of the booth, they usually were, with Robin stretched across his lap, happily stealing fries off of his plate and dipping them in her milkshake.

"So, now I'm curious - how big, is big to you?" Robin asked, squeaking some as she readjusted herself on the aging booth bench.

"I'm big, Dustin is giant." Steve said simply, grabbing his burger away from Parasite 1. "The average is like... at least an inch smaller than I am. Probably more like two. Dustin is probably close to two inches more than me." Steve explained, taking a bite, purposely trying to take a big one.

Robin hummed, nodding her head as though she was listening. "I have no reference point for any of this."

Steve cocked a brow at her, no pun intended. "You don't have any... You know. Things?" At her blank look, Steve tried to depict it in air. "Things, you know. Toys."

"That's none of your business, sir - and even if I did, I wasn't checking the exact inch length on it. Guys care way more about that kind of thing than women do." Robin pulled the burger gingerly out of his hands, and stole that too. It wasn't like he was made of money anymore, but it was impossible for him to say no.

"Well, you're going camping with him next week, anyway, aren't you?" Robin asked him, mouth half full, some of it was hair she'd not successfully tucked behind her ear. "Maybe you'll get to see it up close and personal, in a platonic way, and you'll be able to put it behind you."

Steve shrugged, exhaling as he snagged her milkshake. "Yeah, maybe- why are you laughing?"

Robin had covered her mouth, shoulders shaking a little. "Nothing, I just- maybe you'll put it behind you in an entirely different manner."