Get Jinxed Cosplay

I wanna start with the fact that I'm okay now. I'm still a bit away from 100% but I haven't needed my medication in months and just being able to buy the materials and start working on patterns for cosplays means that my confidence issues and anxiety are improving even more too :)

The big thing that lead to pretty much all of my other problems over the past year has been the decline in my physical health. I've never been anorexic but I was having troubles eating and my body keeping it down, doctors passed it off as anorexia for about 7 months until I was actually able to find a doctor who believed me and sent me for the right tests ending in a proper diagnosis. My decline in health and no diagnosis during this time lead to anxiety of going out since I might suddenly become ill, decline of my mental health, lack of energy due to lack of eating and decline of my immune system which lead to me getting sick a lot more often.  I also quit my job since I moved house, unfortunately finding another one wasn't going well and as my health declined I became unable to apply for a lot of jobs because I doubted my ability to do them anymore with how commonly I was sick.

Outside of cosplay I used to sketch and paint a lot, I have an arts degree, but during this time I couldn't bring myself to produce anything beyond a few pieces of fan art. Unfortunately lack of employment also means lack of money for cosplay so I didn't work on any cosplays either. Lack of artistic experimentation lead to my skills diminishing and when I did actually make something in those rare occasions they frustrated me because I knew I had done better in the past but that I just wasn't capable of that quality anymore. I lacked so much confidence that I found it hard to speak to some of my friends. I have so many amazing and talented friends in my life and I fit in with my own kinda talents, but when I lost those talents I felt like I was no longer good enough to fit in there anymore. It's silly of me thinking back to it now, my friends mean so much to me. This was a huge mistake of mine. 

I lost my path, I had finished university, had quit my job, had yet to find a replacement and lacked the energy, confidence or funds to take part in my hobbies. I found part of it again when I started on medication. I knew the sickness was the root of my problems and now with a way to fix it I had a path to walk down. Recovery has had its ups and downs. For the first time ever I actually hated my body and what it had become. Looking at myself in the mirror I was disgusted. I had become so thin and pale because of this weakness and it cut me down really hard, it wasn't people hating on my body or anything, it was only me finding myself disgusting and its one of the worst feelings. 

But if nothing else when I get cut down I find a way to get back up. After those horrible feelings I jumped back into recovery with more vigor, determined to get rid of this image of myself that I hated. As I said I'm still not 100% but I've reached a point where I am a lot better and can now eat normally without needing to take medication. I still have a few confidence and anxiety issues but I'm working on those too, and I believe I can totally overcome those with just a bit more work. (writing this is helping too, giving me the motivation to get fully better and to do the things that I promise here!)

It's been a hard road and I hope you will all forgive me for how absent I have been. It's taken some help but some beautiful people have made me remember how much I love cosplay and so I'm back. I've been trying to decide on what cosplay should be my first one back and I finally have. Chariot du Nord  (school uniform version) from Little Witch Academia. I'm starting work on her soon so prepare for wip updates!