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Intro Post!

i hope you guys are doing okay

I need to quit therapy for real this time. I genuinely can't imagine anything that anyone could say to me that would actually help. Nobody ever gives advice or perspectives that are new to me. I really need to just get used to being like this instead of hoping that someone will actually be able to help me. I don't even know what my fucking problem is anymore. I don't even care about my trauma at this point so why am I like this?

is it even OCD if giving in to my "compulsions" or getting "reassurance" doesn't even make me feel better in the moment? pretty sure that's just anxiety atp.

we only just started getting help this year and it already feels like we've exhausted all of our options. it feels like there's nothing left. and that's fine, if we're gonna be like this forever then we can live with it. but it's exhausting. this is just what life is like for us. things are mostly okay except for when they're miserable. we can go a while being okay and then suddenly nothing is manageable anymore.

I don't understand what therapy is actually good for... We talk about things but that doesn't make them any better. How are we supposed to actually improve? Our trauma isn't upsetting anymore but the effects are still all there, we can't just undo them. There's never any time to stop and think before a trauma response. I don't understand what we're meant to be doing. We like our therapist but we have no idea if they're doing a good job or not. Maybe we're stuck or maybe it's just supposed to be like this. Our therapist says they can see us doing the work but what work are we even doing? I feel like so little has changed. I just want this to stop but it won't.

ah, it's always bad when Dirt starts influencing me. I get scared and he tells me that things are never going to get better... I don't want to believe him but I don't know how to think otherwise. we keep trying to improve but nothing ever gets better. our depression will never go away because we can't take antidepressants. we're never going to move past our trauma because we've already done everything we can in therapy. maybe we just like being like this? it gets us more attention. we don't actually want to get better because then people will stop noticing us. it's really only Moth who wants to get better, the rest of us only exist because we're miserable. it's the only way for us to be.

i really love your& art style !! its so gorgeous and i aksjdlfkdf its so awesome !!

I don't think I'm capable of loving a pet long-term... I so desperately want to, but they stop being new or start being the slightest bit inconvenient and suddenly I just can't handle them anymore, I lose all real attachment to them. I always get so excited over a new animal but sooner or later I stop being able to give them much beyond the bare minimum. it feels like having a pet in my life is always a sacrifice, it only enriches me for a moment and then I just want to be without them again. I have so much pet trauma, but I feel like I should just be able to love an animal instead of feeling weighed down by them. I hate that I can't do this, I hate myself for being so bad at this. so many people are so enriched by their pets, they make things easier for them, but they just make me feel guilty. I want an animal in my life, but I just can't do this. it's never going to stop feeling like a sacrifice.

yo just jumping in to say that your art is adorable (specially the alter sign offs!)