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For the past few months or so my mental health has been on a decline and part of it is due to the fact that I want to change things on this blog. It’s just difficult to do when I have almost 13,000 posts and can’t easily go back and change things. Instead of continuing o suffer, I’m going to start fresh on a brand new blog. 

This blog will still be around temporarily, but only so I can find headcanons and such that I want to transfer over to the new blog. After that, it’ll be deleted so feel free to unfollow this blog.

On the new blog a couple things are going to change:

I’m going back to only have 3 muses, aka Yashira, Atticus, and Zane. Everyone else will still be available for interaction but only upon request. Like Alex and Angela are now. 

I’m dropping all of my current threads and starting fresh. As of now, our muses have never met before unless you discuss it with me first.

If you’ve recently posted a starter for me and I haven’t replied yet, feel free to tag the new blog instead and I’ll reply to it.

Considering this conversation keeps happening, Zane feels like they aren’t trying hard enough. They really didn’t think he only wanted sex from them, but then something would happen and they’d worry that Cas wasn’t getting enough. They wished it would stop happening, but they couldn’t control their anxiety any more than Cas could fall out of love with the Prince.

They look up as Cas starts explaining his feelings, feeling even guiltier the more he speaks. They didn’t want to make him feel like that and they hated that they were. Their stupid anxiety was always causing problems and they wished it would just go away. They didn’t really foresee that happening any time soon though.

“I’m sorry,” they say, looking away as he accuses them of being like the people who judged him. “I don’t - that’s not,” those accursed tears are coming back and they wished they’d stop. Why did they always end up crying during conversations like this? They didn’t want it to seem like they were trying to manipulate him into forgiving them, but the tears probably made it seem like they were.

“I don’t think that and I never have.” Atticus and Yashira slept around a lot as well, but Zane had never judged them for it, though it had hurt a little when they were still hopelessly in love with Atticus. “I just,” they take a deep breath and slowly release it to try and keep themself from crying or stuttering. “Sometimes something happens - I’ll walk in on you like this or we’ll just being kissing and you’ll slide your hand down my hip or something - and I feel like I’m depriving you of something you want. Not need, want.”

“I know you don’t really think that.” Cas says. He brushes Zane’s hair back from their face again. It always seems to fall over their face when they cry. “But that’s why I might seem hurt. Not because you’ve turned down sex. Because people think I need it.”

Zane laughs as he spins them. God, they loved him so much. He was just an all-around delightful person and his kisses were wonderful. How did they ever get so lucky? They smile at the pictures, agreeing with Cas on how cute they were. “Of course we are,” they respond easily, kissing his cheek. “I believe we should. I’m sure she’ll love them.”

Cas smiles, pleased with how easily Zane agrees that they’re cute. One day maybe they’ll be able to say that about themself alone. Cas’ biggest wish for this wedding is that Zane can look at themself and agree that they are beautiful.

Zane’s breath hitches as Cas bites their neck. “Will you now?” If this was a sign of what his revenge would be, then they were looking forward to it.

They smile as admit to Cas liking their taste in centerpieces. They wanted to give him the sun and moon things he liked, but they also wanted everything to suit the theme colors they’d chosen. They laugh as he picks them up, enjoying the kiss all the more because it’s going to piss off their homophobic grandmother.

Rules: choose one of your OC’s to answer the sweets questions and tag five other people.

Tagged By:  No one. I just saw this on a couple different blogs and wanted to do it myself. Tagging: Idk. Anyone who feels like doing it?

Zane

Ice Cream: What Ice cream flavor tastes weird for you?

“Uh,” Zane has to take a moment to think about it considering they generally liked ice cream. “I dunno. Yashira likes this green tea flavored ice cream and I don’t hate it per se, but it’s not all that great either.”

Chocolate: Dark, Milk, Hazelnut, or coconut chocolate? Which of these do you prefer?

“All of the above?” Chocolate is one of their ultimate weaknesses so this was not an enjoyable question for them. “My absolute favorite is white chocolate, but of those… milk chocolate? I guess?”

Cookies: If you know how to bake and you had to introduce a new type of cookie to the world, what would it look like and what would you call it?

“I do know how to bake actually. I’ve never really made a brand new recipe though. I don’t even really know how to. I mostly just follow the recipes I already know. Well, occasionally I have to alter them a little so Atticus can eat them cause cookies tend to have a lot of sugar, but that’s about the extent of my experiments with food.”

Smoothies: Which of your friends will help you with your fruit stand/bar/cafe?

“I have a fruit stand now? Why would I ever even want to do that?” They shake their head. “I guess if I did do something like this Atticus and Yashira might help me. They’ll generally do anything I want as long as I ask nicely.” Asking nicely usually involved Zane giving the two of them Zane’s infamous sad puppy eyes and it had yet to fail against either of their best friends.

Cake: When’s your birthday? What’s the last birthday gift you received?

“It was a few days ago actually, on the twenty-ninth. Yashira got me some new clothes. Atticus got me a new fabric that I haven’t really used before so I’m looking forward to experimenting with it. I got a lot of art supplies as usual.”

Pies: Have you ever met your grandparents? if you did, what’s the sweetest thing they have given you that you still keep as a memento? (If not, would you like to meet them? What item would you give for them to treasure?)

Zane grimaces. “I don’t remember my paternal grandparents - haven’t seen them since before the divorce - but my maternal grandmother is the devil. I’ve never been able to please her and when she finds out I’m gay - never mind agender - she’s going to have even more reasons to dislike me.” They fully expected to be told they’re going to hell, but that really wasn’t anything new coming from her since she always found ways to criticize them.

Cinnamon Roll: List/name the people/person you would treasure for the rest of your life? (platonic and romantic, doesn’t matter)

“Oh, gosh. There’s so many.” They sigh, mentally going through the list of people they cared about. “At least I can list more than one. Uh, I don’t really have anyone romantically at the moment - it’s… kinda complicated actually - but I really don’t know where I’d be without Atticus and Yashira around and I don’t really want to know. 

Zane grins, bringing their arms up to rest against Cas’. “Oh, no, you wouldn’t. You love me too much to do something like that.” They hum as Cas kisses their neck only to wiggle around so they can kiss him fully. “Besides, you wouldn’t want all my hard work to go to waste,” they tease, giving him another kiss.

They smile, lacing their fingers together. “I like this plan.” They wander over to where the centerpieces were sitting and point to the ones they liked best, it was between two that they thought suited the theme of the wedding the best.

Cas growls playfully at Zane’s teasing and nuzzles their neck. “Just you wait,” he nips the pale skin, “I’ll get my revenge.” Cas’ revenge will involve just enough neck kisses to get Zane squirming.

“I can’t wait to marry you either,” Zane says, continuing it smile at him. They’d been dreaming about this for ages so it’s hard to believe they’ll actually be getting married in such a short amount of time. They’re excited for it though.

They groan as he lifts them up. “Fiiine.” They don’t want to go back to planning yet - they’d much rather stay where they are and cuddle - but he’s not giving them much of a choice. They arch an eyebrow at his choice of words. “What do you mean our good work? I think I’ve done most of it,” they tease.

“Oh,” Cas laughs, “is that how it is?” He wraps his arms around Zane. “You should watch your mouth or I might just end this engagement.” Cas teases. He nuzzles into Zane’s neck, peppering it with kisses.

Zane beams after Cas’ kiss, heart swelling with love. God, they loved him and they couldn’t wait for their wedding day. They couldn’t wait to make it official. 

They laugh, bringing an arm to wrap around his neck as he deepens the kiss. If they didn’t want to get this centerpiece nonsense over with sometime this week, they’d be tempted to just go home and let Cas continue to kiss them in that wonderful way he always did. “Excellent. Grandmother is awfully good at this sort of thing.” Growing up, they’d always thought of her as the ultimate British noblewoman so she was good at this sort of thing. Even better than Luna, except where clothes were concerned.

Cas loves the way Zane smiles. They look so beautiful. “God, I can’t want to marry you.” He kisses Zane again, snapping a few more pictures to upload. He captions them If you think I’m bragging about my upcoming wedding, you’re absolutely right. I am so excited to marry this cutie and you all need to know that.

Zane sighs, running a hand through their hair. They should be nicer to their fiancé. It wasn’t his fault they were frustrated. They just wanted things to be perfect for both of them and it was more stressful than they’d anticipated. At this point, they’re starting to understand why Alex and Angela eloped instead of dealing with this. “Okay. Changing the flowers would be nice.”

They run a hand over their face, moving to sit down. “Yeah,” they say tiredly. They’re tired of feeling stressed. “Yeah, I guess that’ll work.” Would their mum would kill them if they just took off to Vegas or something instead of this?

Cas gives Zane a tired smile. He can see they’re just as exhausted as he is. He sits down beside Zane and pulls them into his lap where he can wrap his arms around them and rest his head on their shoulder. “It doesn’t all need to be decided today.” he reminds them. “I know you want to all done and ready, but there is still time.”

Zane rolls their eyes. “I can live with the suns and moons. It’s everything else about it that’s a problem.” They likes the sun and moon part, but the flowers were tacky and so were the colors. They were too stressed with making sure everything else went smoothly that they didn’t feel like arguing with Cas over the centerpieces.

Cas can see the frustration clear on Zane’s face. He sighs. He wanted this wedding to be perfect for Zane so he should be more adaptable on the centrepiece. “Okay, okay. Maybe they can change the flowers? Or we can pick a different floral centrepiece that they can put the moons and suns with?” Zane was investing enough money into this wedding that people should jump to do everything they wish. Cas has never seen anything like it. Zane’s lucky they’re rich because Cas would never be able to afford something like this for them.

In honor of the end of pride month ! Some can fit into other categories. Enjoy and feel free to make any changes. More wedding starters: x.

gay bride

“I don’t want to wear a dress.”

“We’re just two gals being pals.”

“Is it bad luck for us to see each other or is that just a heterosexual thing?”

“That’s my WIFE! I can’t wait to say that.”

“My great aunt saw you and asked me who my friend is.”

gay groom

“At least no one refused to bake our wedding cake.”

“I feel like this should be rainbow.”

“Our outfits can’t match!”

“What do you mean ‘flamboyant’?”

“Are you going to say ‘I love you’? Because that’s gay.”

nonbinary spouse-to-be

“I need to find a way to look as androgynous as possible.”

“Can we skip the whole ‘husband and wife’ thing?”

“I don’t mind wearing a suit/dress, but I REFUSE to have such a tacky centerpiece.”

“No, I’m supposed to lead. Because you can’t dance.”

“Fuck what the guests think.”

bi/pan/poly spouse-to-be

“I could’ve married literally anyone, but I chose you.”

“Hey, I picked a side. Your BACKSIDE! Hey-o.”

“I think two of my exes are hooking up in the back.”

“I’m so happy I can tell you how much I love you in front of everyone.”

“I know I’m not closeted anymore but can all of these people leave? This is embarrassing.”

misc.

“I’ve slept with everyone in this room.”

“I’m here, I’m queer…I need a beer…”

“Love wins.”

“See, I came. I’m a good ally.”

Zane smiles as he kisses them, taking an opportunity to deepen it ever so slightly before returning their attention back to their meal. “They’re wonderful.” They fork off another bite, with less whipped cream this time, and hold it up to Cas. “Wanna taste?” Apparently, they’re in the mood to tease.

Atticus smiles softly as Rowan speaks so highly of him. He supposes he understands what Rowan’s getting at since he’d overheard Zane and Yashira talking about how weird it was to see him depressed not long after Rowan had left. He heard a lot of people talking about it actually since he didn’t do depression. He tried to always be happy - or at least appear like he was - but it was just too hard after Rowan left.

He sighs, knowing Rowan had a point. “It certainly would have been nice. I may not have been able to make them stop tormenting you, but I would have liked to at least tried.” Maybe he could have convinced Rowan to stay. If not, he could at least say he tried to and that would have helped.

Rowan shakes his head and tries to unclench his fists. He lays his hands on the bench and focuses on his knuckles and not hitting anything. “You wouldn’t have been able to do anything.” Rowan mumbles. “I need to. I needed to… accept…” Rowan doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t want Atticus thinking any less of him. Except if he isn’t honest, the Erinyes will punish him.

“I killed my father.” Rowan says. “And it wasn’t an accident, as much as I want to believe it was. As much as I led you to believe it was. I didn’t plan to kill him but I did and it was on purpose. The Erinyes won’t let me be happy while in denial about that.”

Rowan... purposely murdered his father? That was... unexpected. Atticus wasn’t sure what to think since that was far different from what he initially believed. “I - you - that-“ he stops trying to speak and simply thinks about what he knows.

Rowan’s father was an abusive bastard who hurt his wife and kids. He was a worthless drunk who didn’t bother caring for his children. He was probably even worse than Jason when it came down to it. Maybe. Probably. Not by much though.

As for Rowan, he was sometimes an asshole, but Atticus had always believed he was a good person at heart. He looked after injured little birds and adored dogs. He adored Celia and could never refuse her anything. He was also fond of Zane despite their... difficult... start. He tried to be a better person, even when it scared him to try and be gentle. Or to accept gentleness from someone else. Atticus was deeply, hopelessly, and irreversibly in love with him.