"ItsmeeeeJhay"

Today You’re Still My Baby, So I’ll Hold You While You Sleep..

I’ll hold you while you sleep because you won’t always be this little. Some day in the not-so-distant future you’ll go to school, and you’ll make your own friends and you won’t need me quite so much. It hurts to even think of it, but someday you might not want me to rock you to sleep or carry you because you’ll be a big kid and not the tiny baby I see before me now.

So today I’ll ignore the laundry and skip another workout to keep you in my arms a while longer.

Soon you’ll wake up and be just ever-so-slightly older than you were when you drifted off. It happens so gradually and yet so fast I could almost miss it—you’re growing up before my eyes.

I’ll hold you while you sleep because someday it won’t be this easy to keep you safe and make sure you know you’re loved. So today I’ll put off my never-ending to-do list and let you dream in my arms. Right now I get to be your protector, your safe place, your comfort, and when you’re older, I know you’ll have to face things without me.

But for today, you’re my baby and I get to hold you while you sleep, so I will.

I won’t put you down to get things done while I can because time is fleeting and I know already I will miss this. I will miss watching those perfect little smiles flicker across your face. I will miss watching your tiny chest rise and fall with each steady breath. I will miss the feeling of your arms around my neck. I’ll miss holding you while you sleep.

I may very well complain that I can’t seem to get anything done and it’s true, I can’t because I choose to hold you while you sleep instead of using that time to check things off of my to-do list, but I won’t ever regret it.

My house will be clean again someday and my arms will be empty. So today I’ll just stay right here with you, holding you while you sleep.

I miss you at the same time I love and hate you..

I know that's what everyone says at a time like this, but I don't know what else to say. When I say, "I miss you," I mean I miss everything about you.

I miss your hearty laugh, especially when we would laugh for 10 minutes straight about something that only you and I thought was hilarious.

I miss your wise words because you always knew exactly what to say when I needed your help.

I miss your spontaneity. You were always the first who was willing to go on a simple midnight walk, food trip (milk tea, ice cream, hotpot, jollibee, denny’s, mcdo, dampa, mang inasal) or a day in the mall for few hours

I miss your hugs, whether they were for a happy reason or a sad one, hugs always made everything better.

I miss your selflessness, always willing to drop everything in your life to help someone who was important to you.

I miss talking to you about important things, but also the most obscure topics we could think of.

I miss your heart because not only were you selfless, but you were generous, kind, and loving to all of those around you.

But most of all, I just miss you.

Dealing with death is never easy and everyone deals with it differently, but I certainly have had a hard time coming to terms with yours. I never thought that would be something I would have to face, but it is and I have to find some way to accept it, if I ever can.

I have so many questions that I will never get the answer to.

Why you?

Why now?

Are you safe?

Are you at peace?

I so badly want the answers to these because it just doesn't make sense to me that you are gone. I keep expecting you to call or text me and tell me it was all some sort of sick joke, but you are alive and well. But I know deep down that's not how this is going to work.

I think most of all I want you to know how much you meant to me. I don't know if I said it enough during our friendship, but I really hope you knew that. You helped me through so many issues in my life and I am forever grateful for that. I truly hope that everyone gets to experience a friend like you. I wish I would have the opportunity to tell you that more.

I wish I could've stopped this from happening. I keep going through everything in my head trying to think of ways I could've prevented this from happening, but I know I couldn't have. I wish I had the superpower to turn back time just so I can get one more opportunity to talk to you, tell you everything we all love about you, and tell you how much I/we appreciate you.

You were, and still are, so loved by many. Even though you are not here anymore, you will always be in my heart. You were such a special person and I hope you still know that.

I will miss you so bad mochioooooo..

😰😭💔