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hi here’s a poem i wrote called ‘limbo’ !

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a cold breeze sends a shiver down the skin that feels stapled to my spine. the same skin that almost feels like a costume, something i wear for the sake of being presentable, i don’t wear it with pride– not anymore.

my claws tap against my ribcage, an empty sound echoes out into the void which is my mind. a body and soul which were once fulfilled, are now a hollowed out vessel– gutted of life.

i don’t want to remember anything that came before, i don’t want to experience the present and i don’t want to make plans for the future.

i want to bury my ache beneath the ground.

i want to step foot into the ocean.

the very last thing i want to feel is the chill of the ice cold water getting ahold of my nerves, before numbing me down and helping me let all of my sorrow sink to the very bottom of the ocean floor.

i want it to grab me by my ankle, for the tide to pull me in and i want the current to sweep me away– dragging me into a vast nothingness.

the middle of the ocean, with nothing else but the clear sky and lapis blue waters in sight.

a state of tranquility,

limbo,

a place where i can simply be, free of all perception. freed from the cage i was put in by all the eyes that cast a spotlight onto my vulnerable form– the same eyes that always look down on me, no matter the angle they’re looking at me from.

beneath their predatory gaze, i feel fragile– stripped of my clothes, as if i am signing up to be dissected, disemboweled and devoured by ravenous, judgemental wolves as they critique the taste of me, down to the sweetness of my rotting heart.

limbo,

a place where i don’t need to worry about just how deep the water beneath my feet is, as i’ll stay afloat– as the waves will accept me as one of their own.

a place where a comfortable silence is the only answer to each question, even though questions are no longer necessary at all.

it is just for you, so please enjoy :)

When I was young, I was labelled erratic– classified as a vicious hound. I had my reasons to bare my teeth, I had my reasons to bark, and bite.

With you, there was no need for my posture to be so rigid, for my body to be so stiff and for my breath to be so heavy.

Everyone had always treated me as a bad dog, only worthy of being discarded unless in need of something to blame.

You waltzed in, showing me I was capable of so much more than just putting my defenses up, unwilling to face the fears I had created for myself and the world that had treated me so unfairly.

I didn’t understand why.

What made me deemed worthy in your hopeful eyes?

Your eyes that could see potential in anyone, anything?

In the beginning, my infatuation was nothing but innocent. Through my childlike eyes that had seen too much, you were a beacon of light– my bringer of hope. I found myself staring into your scintillant eyes for so long to the point where they painted a world of their own. Your pupils were a night sky, adorned by your signature glint– only the brightest of stars.

As we grew older together, I ended up holding such bloodthirst for you, wanting to sink my canine teeth into your neck and taste your divine blood myself– figuring out what made you so special. I needed to leech onto you like a parasite, have my fill of you, and hopefully taste what you held in the deepest of your heart for me.

In a world plagued by the holy, you were my religion– plaguing me with a heartworm. I loved you sacrilegiously, worshipping you at your feet in the catacombs of my mind.

Now I try to grasp the remnants of you, but the shards slip through my fingers and leave marks on my worn flesh. I sometimes question if I ever knew you at all.

Even though I search for it– desperately, even… the smell of green apples nearly sends me into psychosis.

I pause when I see a face that looks a bit too much like yours in a crowd of people who could never compare– while the world keeps moving.

The world remains in motion, but the noise sounds muffled on my end.

I feel stuck.

I’m stuck on you, stuck on us and everything we were and could’ve possibly been in my wildest dreams if things had simply gone differently.

I thought I knew you inside and out, but it seems I know two different people.

One I love, and whoever came after I could no longer recognise you.

I must’ve sinned horribly to be left with such torment, considering you’re a messenger of the gods and I’m nothing but a heretic– an apostate to everything you’ve started believing in.

Was I too violent? Were my thoughts? Was my biggest sin loving you unconditionally, knowing that’d never be reciprocated from your end?

Perhaps I always was and always will be the bad dog– but I have no energy left to bite.

Will I ever love the same way again?

Good karma, my aesthetic

don’t know how active arianators are on here but here’s a positions moodboard

pinterest liked these so tumblr may have em as well