The Devil's Reject

That dril tweet thats like “I sucked my own dick and got poisoned” is really funny to me because thats a thing that actually happened to me lmao

what happened kyle

I typed out a whole long thing but im scared that this information is too much for anyone to handle

I will tell all of you the story after I take a nap cause I gotta be somewhere soon and havent slept yet

Alright fuck it . So Id say basically anyone with a dick has tried to suck their own dick at least once in their life. Some time ago I found out that I was one of the few people on this planet that actually can. So one night a long time ago I was cranking my hog, and I was using this vaseline brand lotion and eventually I got bored of that and decided I wanted to up the ante and suck my own dick. So after wiping off some of the excess lotion on my hands, I put my dick in my mouth and realize that it tastes a little weird, probably from some of the lotion on my dick but I didnt really pay it any mind because it didnt taste bad really and I figured that since most of the lotion already got absorbed into my dick skin that I probably was gonna be fine. Oh how wrong I was. Not too long after I finish, I get very hot, my vision goes blurry and my heart rate shoots through the god damn roof. Everything in my body just felt very very wrong. So In the middle of the night, I told my mom I was sick (omitting the fact that it was from accidentally eating lotion that I had sucked off my own dick) and she for some reason focused on my heart rate being fucked up and very rapid. I ended up seeing a heart specialist who made me wear a heart monitor for a month so they could monitor any irregularities and all the while I just knew that it was from the fucking lotion I ate and I just could never ever tell anyone, not the fucking doctor and especially not my mom what really happened. That I got poisoned from sucking my own dick

hey i know it´s easy to dismiss Oscar Wilde as a careless dandy but he was Irish, socialist and radically gay in Victorian England and when he says stuff like “morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people we personally dislike” it´s a highly political stance

the faster you learn to say ‘this is hideous, i love it’ about an item of clothing and genuinely mean it, the faster no one can take away your happiness about your clothes because they can be like ‘what the fuck are you wearing’ and the only answer you can give is a gleeful ‘i KNOW isn’t it HIDEOUS!’

Nothing but respect for my president