A Diapered Princess

♫ The magnificent, marvelous, mad, mad, mad, mad Madam Mim! ♫ 

2. To pet a cat: hold out your index finger. If the cat is frightened/aloof, hold it a few feet away. If the cat is interested/friendly, hold it like 6” away. The cat will sniff your finger if they want to hang out with you. Then, they may move forward a little and sort of pet themselves into your hand, or they may just hang out and be like “ok i’m ready for pets now”. If they move away, they do not want pets. That’s ok, they still might like to chill with you. Cats especially like to be petted on their cheeks and behind their ears.

2. Cats are very sharp. They have 3 main sharpnesses: a) claws, b) toofs, c) a metaphorical sharpness of the mind in re going places you don’t want them to go. Watch out for the first 2 by learning a cat’s body language, and for the 3rd by remembering to close doors. and when you go through said doors, you enter foot first - open door a crack, shove foot in, cat will somewhat indignantly jump back, then you can put the rest of your body in through the door and shut it quick.

3. A cat belly is very soft and also Forbidden unless you and the cat know each other quite well. Even then, it is a personal preference on the part of the cat.

4. you have heard that laughter is the best medicine. this is not true. purrs are the best medicine. Purrs can be increased in potency with the addition of kneading (“making biscuits”) but this is also a personal choice on the part of the cat.

5. If a cat Chooses you (sits in your lap or on some other part of your body), you are forbidden from moving the cat. They decide when to get up. You are at the mercy of the softest tiny rumbling god.

Also there are many helpful charts for learning cat body language, such as the above from doggiedrawings on etsy.